Friday, March 28, 2008

WijvenWeek - MommyBloggers

Click here for more Wijvenweek posts.

I've really enjoyed doing WijvenWeek (this will be my last WijvenBlog post), as redundant as it may seem. Duh, I'm a woman, I always approach things as such, but I liked the opportunity to talk specifically about raising girls. There's a lot more I want to say on the subject, but right now, I've got another post bursting inside of me.

Lunanik posted a confessional of sorts, where people can confess things anonymously. I like to check in there a couple of times a week, but this comment in particular really rubbed me the wrong way:

Anonymous said...
I feel bad for children who are home while their mothers spend all day on their computers trolling for readers and comments. It's fucking sad. Are they raising themselves? If the writing was that fucking interesting and worth reading, they wouldn't have to hunt down new people to read it.

March 23, 2008 12:41 PM

*sigh* Where to begin?

Well, let's start with the fact that this person didn't play by the rules. The point is to confess about yourself, not make judgments on other people.

Then there's the fact that they've taken a tiny part of who we are, and decided they can judge who we are on this one little thing.

I haven't been doing this all that long, but even I have noticed that people come and go for a while. We do make our families a priority, and the posts and comments taper off when there is no time. I don't think any children are not getting fed because Mommy's blogging.

It's so very sad that someone - male or female - felt the need to attempt to demoralize women in particular this way. It shouldn't surprise me, but it does.

I keep wanting to believe that we're getting past all this name-calling. I want to believe that the mommy wars is a figment of the media's imagination. I want to believe that women who are looking to get ahead in the workplace aren't called "ambitious" in the same way one would say "convict." I want to believe that women are looking to support each other, and not try to tear each other down for running their household differently from another.

Hopefully, for the most part, my beliefs can hold true. Unfortunately, I have come across evidence to the contrary in all of these scenarios.

You want to know where I find the most reason to believe? In the blogosphere. I interact with women from every walk of mommy-hood life. I know SAHMs, Work From Home Moms, Single and Married Moms who work or go to school, and they've been witty, smart, supportive women who have something to say.

And I think that's what it comes down to in the end. Those that want to listen and be heard, and those that want to keep us down.

What's this? Women expressing their own opinions? Yep. We're not the desperate housewives - or single moms - anymore. We're not afraid to share our thoughts, our opinions on current events, our personal strengths and weaknesses, our fears and pride in motherhood. We're letting it all (or at the very least, some of it) hang out.

And we're looking to each other for advice, support, wit, and relaxation. We're not paying our therapists or for books written by men to feel better about ourselves, and to feel whole. (And, just a note, I applaud the daddy bloggers as well; for entirely different reasons, but just as loudly.) We're finding our own way with a little help from our mommy blogger friends.

I am proud to be among this group. I think we are all better mothers, and just as importantly, women for it.


Kori said...

A huge part of this issue-which is ALIVE AND WELL-is the fact that we are in such a male-oriented society STILL that once we are mothers, we are not allowed to be anything else. God forbid that anyone with tits and a vagina has a brain as well, or a mouth to use for anything besides sucking off the male counterparts. God, this pisses me off to no end that because I have a career and a life and a voice, that I am somehow less of a mother! I yell a resound "FUCK OFF" to any person who fails to believe I have a right to speak simply due to my lovely, wonderful, beautiful femaleness. To the anonymous blogger who is so amused by tearing us down-bite me. If you had a set of balls and a legtimate bitch, sign your name and be proud of your opinion. If not? Run away, you sad little man. To you, April? Thank you, over and over, for reminding me why I love women and am proud to be one.

Jen said...

Support, support, support - that's what mommyblogging is all about.

And it's great. It's a way we can be there raising our kids AND keep our sanity.

Too bad that creep had to come in and say something so inanely cruel and stupid.

LunaNik said...

My sneaking suspicion is that the commenter was not a woman. My guess is that Mr. Anon is one of those self righteous bastards who blogs for money, and not for the joy of connecting with others.

Boo to him. He can kiss our collective asses.

As for this post, April, you're spot on as usual. In the bloggy neighborhood we have all found support, commraderie, and advise. I'm proud to be a part of it, no matter what dickheads like Mr. Anon say.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, that comment really rubs me the wrong way. I mean, honestly, does s/he honestly think that the majority of women bloggers spend all of their time on the computers? Pul-ease.

To be honest though, I have issues with the term Mommy blogger in general. I mean, yes, I'm a mother and yes I have a blog, but to call me a mommy blogger would imply that I have no interests outside my blog or my children. Now, I know that there are many blogs out there that are hosted by mothers to solely discuss parenting, but it seems that that term has become derisive and divisive and flung at any woman with a child and a blog.

Sorry, a little off topic, I'm sure.

anyway, I think the blogging community that I have found (male and female) has been incredibly supportive and quite helpful in allowing me to retain my sanity. I hate that anyone would feel the need to denigrate such a wonderful community.

TZT said...


Before I became a parent, I got the same piece of advice from a number of people - that motherhood can sometimes be like an airplane decompressing. Flight attendants always tell you that you should put your oxygen mask on before your child's, because you can both wind up dead if you are unconscious and unable to help them further.

Blogging certainly isn't life or death, but the lesson that taking good care of ourselves can only make us better mothers holds.

Caring for children at home can be isolating, being a mother at a different time or stage than friends can too. I for, one, have picked up a ton of innovative learning activities I can do with my son from other mom bloggers, and gotten some good advice.

That anonymous person is ill-informed and a coward - why do those two things go hand in hand so often?

Unknown said...

OMG! That comment pissed the hell out of me, I actually responded to it anonymously, I was so pissed. I guess it's not anonymous anymore, but whatever. If someone wants to fight over it, I will.

April said...

Cablegirl -

I know what you mean by the term "Mommy Bloggers" - however, none of the Mommy Bloggers I read only talk about their kids (which, I agree, would be a bore), and I think it's up to us to re-define the term. It may be naive, but it's worth a shot!

Anonymous said...

I'm totally with you on this, but I do think as a whole the mommy wars are not as bad as they used to be. Don't get me wrong, I ocassionally run across someone who will passive aggressively snipe at the working mother (and vice versa - I just happen to be a working mother), but as a whole, I think we are very supportive of each other. I see less of that support on message boards and that is why I made the move to blogging a year ago. There is a reason I don't tell people in real life about my blog though, because a lot of them would have the same opinion as that commenter (maybe not as harsh, but you get the picture.)

So that ignorant donkey can kiss my big white ass.

And Huckdoll, you crack me up when you are in full form!

Single Working Mommy said...

EW! Who would write such a thing?

I think your post is so well-written and so spot on.

I think we all have similiar goals in life but the paths we take are going to be different. Not everyone can be the same, do the same--that would be mega boring, wouldnt it?

Don Mills Diva said...

What kind of horrible person would write that? People are idiots.

BTW - thanks for the comment on The Pursuit of Happiness - feel free to use whatever you like from it - I'm not fussy...:-)

OHmommy said...

Wow.... I have missed that one and now have to go check out the action.

Sounds like a jealous person to me.


I hate mean people.

Cheffie-Mom said...

I love your positive attitude and opinion about that comment! Some people just don't get it...and I am glad we do! Thanks for the comment the other day-- Hope you have a great week :)