I’m a Homeowner!!

Truly, a sentence I didn’t think I’d write.

December 2003, I was moving into a 1-bedroom apartment, where I would sleep on a futon in the living room, starting life over as a single mom with two girls not quite 3 and 6. We furnished the place using hand-me-downs from colleagues and friends, or pulled out from my parents' attic, having been stored there since I left Los Angeles before I'd had either daughter. We were the recipients of my department's Adopt-a-Family program that year (albeit unofficially).

I hadn't graduated college yet. I didn't know where the next decade would take me or the girls. I sometimes doubted my ability to ever feel whole again.

And here I am, a college graduate with a paralegal's certificate. I've been promoted up to a manager title, working for one of the most quintessential household names. Trustee of my own estate plan. And holder of my own deed. And future.

My daughters are finding their own way. I still don't understand when parents grieve their children growing up because I'm finding so much joy in this part. I love watching them grow up and become adults that care about the world and the people in it. I'm so proud of the young women they're becoming.

Sylvia loves her job because she sees it as bringing joy to children. Obviously, there's more to it than that, but she understands the joy as the motivation behind everything she does, so she strives to do it as well as she possibly can. Honestly, what more could a mother want?

Riley loves her job because she helps children. She enjoys school because she loves learning more about the world and figuring out how she can do her part. She delights in making people happy. Her smile always has and always will light up my world.

And now, as I joked to Riley earlier, if I die, I'm leaving you an asset!

I feel prepared for the responsibility now, and grateful that it's a townhouse so there's still an HOA to call for the roof! I have worked so hard at getting my financial life together that even though I've just taken on a whole heap of debt, I know I can manage it. I have visions for the future, but not so clear that there's not room for nice surprises!

I feel proud and empowered and grateful and lucky and pure joy! Today has become a new holiday for me. And I've opened the bottle of wine to celebrate!

Kakeibo: Another Way to Think About Budgeting

I enjoyed learning about KonMari (the Japanese decluttering method by Marie Kondo), so I was intrigued when I read about Kakeibo, a Japanese method of budgeting. It sounds a lot like the Magic Little Notebook method I first used before YNAB (which probably stemmed from the Kakeibo method, but I just didn't know it). 

In the Kakeibo article, there was reference to a study finding that students who take handwritten notes retain the information better than those who use laptops or other electronic means. 

I think that's why I took to YNAB so well - I was already in the habit of tracking my expenses, and the app just made it easier to do so. 

This Kakeibo method uses questions that are similar to the YNAB Rules:

Kakeibo: How much money do you have available?

YNAB Rule One: Give every dollar a job. 

In both cases, you only deal with the money you actually have today. 

Kakeibo: How much money do you want to save?

YNAB Rule Two: Embrace your true expenses.

In both cases, you are looking at what you will need in the future. 

Kakeibo: How much are you spending?

YNAB Rule Three: Roll with the punches.

In both cases, you are looking at what's actually happening to your money in the present. 

Kakeibo: How can you improve?

YNAB Rule Four: Age your money.

In both cases, you are looking at how you can improve your financial situation. 

It's also interesting that both methods use four steps. 

So if you have tried YNAB, but found that you weren't actually using the app, maybe it's time to take a step back and put pen to paper. 

If you have tried Kakeibo, but found the handwriting too tedious, maybe it's time to give YNAB a whirl (use this link for a free month). 

Of course, there are other ways to do this without using either Kakeibo or YNAB. The important thing is to continue to try to spend less than you make, and grow your savings. When it comes down to it, that's really the point. 

 

Lin, Hamilton, NY!

This makes me so happy! Lin-Manuel Miranda talked to Morgan Stanley about personal finance!!
Not only that, Seth Stewart (from the original Broadway casts of both In The Heights and Hamilton) did an interview for MarketWatch about money, too!!

I love Lin's answer about why this topic is so important. He covers almost everything on what that freedom can mean for almost anyone:

Why is building a financial foundation critical for pursuing your passions?
To educate yourself about personal finance is to empower yourself with the resources and tools needed to help you achieve your goals: whether it be owning your own home, starting a business, making a living off of your passions, providing for a family, having a healthy relationship with money, or paying it forward.

I like that Seth's first answer focuses on balance; he skimps in some areas to splurge in others:

MarketWatch: What are you a cheapskate about? What do you splurge on?
Seth Stewart: I’m a cheapskate on my rent because I’m an actor. I splurge on food and vacations. I am living further out in Queens [New York] so that if I don’t have a job for a year, I’m not stressed about my rent. Every actor’s had a dry season because of what we do. Our work is never guaranteed. I’m saving my money. But I make sure I go out and eat all the time. I love really expensive meals. I feel like that’s what life’s about: Good food and good conversation.

I love that artists are talking about money in this way. Back in my day [she croaks], money was still a fairly taboo topic with those in my little arts community. Some nights after shows, we spent way too much in fancy restaurants (but hey, I got to shake Bernadette Peters' hand once). I never minded working for free in theatre, but I did mind that I paid for that by working 11 pm - 7 am, proofreading at a law firm. We would sigh and curse money, but we never had fruitful conversations on how to manage money.

I also think it negatively impacted my ability to support myself in the field. I was too desperate for jobs to get them. I wanted them for the wrong reasons. Then, my life took some weird turns and I put that dream behind me.

Of course, there's no way of knowing what could've been, but I am hoping my girls will have more friends like Lin and Seth than I did. I'm doing what I can, but the more people talk about this, the better chance they all have of succeeding.

We're very good at talking about hard work, but not so good about talking about how to really make those hard-earned dollars work for us. The concepts are not so complex, but it's still difficult to practice them until they become a natural part of daily life.

Part of that difficulty stems from the discomfort that arises from telling friends "no" to get-togethers or walking into an audition or job interview, feeling desperate instead of confident.

I have found that it gets much easier to say "no" with practice. I remember one time, really agonizing about how to say that I couldn't contribute as much as others were to a particular gift. It was through text and after a few starts, I finally ended up just saying, "that's not in my budget. I can contribute $x." I got a quick reply that that was no problem, no one made me feel guilty or questioned it and it was done. Now, I only really think twice about it if it's something I really want to do and if so, I look for other areas in my budget where I can skimp or sacrifice to make it happen. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Just going through the process of looking helps me decide how important it really is to me.

A year ago, I wasn't even thinking of going to New York. Vacations were not a high priority for me. But in June, I got an email from Hamilton, offering me tickets for early 2017. I clicked on the link, thinking this will be for nothing. The tickets will be $900 and I'll close the window, delete the email and move on. Except that when I clicked the link, there were tickets in the mezzanine for $200. Well, that's downright doable, I thought!

I called my friend Nancy. Within minutes, we decided to go for it. We picked a day in March 2017, and we bought 4 tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway!  From that moment on, my vacation budget become a huge priority!

We got back from that trip just a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still smiling! Everything went beautifully, and I even stayed under budget! I wasn't even really trying; we went to a couple of fancy restaurants, but we also ate pizza for $1. When it was too cold or we were running late, we took Lyfts, but we bought a week pass for the subway and got around mostly that way. I bought souvenirs, but didn't buy a couple that I just thought were way too overpriced.  I didn't ever feel like I was sacrificing, but I didn't feel like I was wasting money, either. We thoroughly enjoyed it!

And now I'm back to real life, back to saving money for a car - and a few droplets in the Vacation category, too.

Okay, I have strayed very far from the original intent of this post. Bottom lines:

1. Encourage financial conversations with friends. Real conversations, not just moaning about money, but "let's brainstorm on how we improve our financial lives now." And bonus: if you and your friends are all committed to saving money, you may find new ways to have fun together that don't involve spending it!
2. Remain open for new opportunities. Obviously, our trip to NY wasn't what everyone would consider an "opportunity," but it was for me. It was like a dream come true that I didn't even know I was having until it became a reality. And it reminded me that I really love NY and want to go there more often that once a decade!

Balancing your Personal Financial Responsibility

I thoroughly enjoyed Afford Anything's most recent podcast on what they're calling radical responsibility...though it's not as scary as that may sound.

As long-time readers know, there were certainly extenuating factors that contributed to my negative net worth and increasing debt obligations.

My journey as a single mom began when my girls were not yet 3 and 6 and I had no job, car or home to call my own and bad credit. X was (and is) a drug addict that didn't (and doesn't) pay child support regularly. For reasons not necessary for this blog post, I was not yet a college graduate.

After finding a steady job, I went back to school, but to do so, I had to take out student loans. I don't regret that for a moment, but it didn't exactly help my financial situation. After getting my B.A., I realized I needed to continue my education before I could really see a substantial difference in my pay. Enter more student loans.

To be clear, I am not recommending this or dissuading it. This is just where I was.

Then, one day, after financial ups and downs for most of my adult life, I was done. I no longer cared whose fault it was, I just had to make it better.

I stopped focusing on our circumstances and just worked the problem.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still a bleeding heart liberal. I totally get that everyone's circumstances are different, and that it may feel like there simply are no choices. 

I am, however, going to offer a different perspective.

Instead of focusing on what I couldn't control, I turned to what I could.

I couldn't count on X giving me child support, but I could re-work my budget to not be dependent upon it - and anytime I did get child support, I would split it between paying off debt and paying for the girls' needs.

I couldn't count on any other sources of income, so I looked to both increase my own while decreasing expenses.

Though many choices felt like choosing between a rock and a hard place, I recognized the choices that we had made. I accepted some, and changed others.

I accepted that I wanted to live in SoCal where the rents are high, but family (and free babysitting) are available. I accepted SoCal rents, but moved when rent got too high.

For a while, we chose to keep cable TV...until we changed our minds. It became a personal challenge to decrease our grocery spending month by month until now, it's a challenge to overspend!

But I think the best thing about taking financial responsibility is how empowered it makes me feel. I mean, I have nowhere near the financial net worth of Paula Pant or Emma Pattee (the ladies on the aforementioned podcast), but I am where I want to be, and I know I am headed in the right direction. Instead of feeling defeated by the problems that arise, I feel like standing taller and saying, "bring it on!" (I mean, not really, but you know what I mean.)

So my X is a deadbeat, so what? He's not worth my anger or tears, either.

When Riley needs something, she's not worried that I'm going to freak out and I am in fact, happy to oblige...because I can!

It doesn't happen overnight, of course. But it does take that moment of deciding that you are up for this challenge. Taking responsibility means that no one else can have it. You get to control your financial destiny. How cool is that? 

Check Your Balances

A few weeks ago, I logged into one of my credit card accounts and came across a fraud alert that a couple of transactions had been flagged. I called, they weren't mine, I was not charged for any charges that weren't mine (and confirmed those that were), they issued me a new card and all was well.

Not two weeks later, I noticed another couple fraudulent charges on another card! Called, confirmed they weren't mine (and which were), and I will not be charged.

This hasn't happened to me in years, so I guess it was just a matter of time before I got hit again, but man! That's twice in like 2-3 weeks! One of them I use really infrequently and had I not just used it, I may not have logged in to check my balance for another few weeks!

The other is the one I use most often, so it's not surprising we caught it so soon.

I'm wondering if the post-holiday season has anything to do with this. I wonder if some people don't check their transactions, dreading what they'll see. It is in your best interest for a number of reasons to always know what's going on with your money.

And it's much better that it happened on my credit cards than a debit card. I probably still wouldn't have been liable, but it would take longer to replace those funds in my account.

Seemed like a good reason to post this PSA: check your balances and review your transactions on a regular basis.

I check mine (and pay my credit cards) fairly habitually.  I check my bank account every day. With my frequently used credit cards, I check them at least once a week. With my less frequent cards, I do this whenever they've been used - I am going to start checking all of them once a week now.

If you are experiencing some post-holiday financial hangover, you don't want to make it worse by finding out too late that you've also been a victim of fraud. Oh, and you might want to change a few passwords while you're at it!

We probably (sadly) will never be able to eliminate this kind of fraud from happening. But we can pay enough attention to our money that it's merely an inconvenience instead of a nightmare.

My Money, My Mouth and all that

I think about world events and politics every day. Sometimes, I wish I didn't. I'm not trying to turn this into a political blog, but I did want to talk about how I'm thinking about my personal finances in connection with my personal politics.

I simply do not have a lot of money to give. I am working on where to spend more time on the issues that matter most to me, but I'm not jumping into anything just yet.

There are a lot of non-profits and PACs that interest me. So what I've decided to do is give to one organization per month. 

I used to let my Giving category in my budget accrue and then give a larger sum when the impulse strikes. But the impulse strikes all the time now!

If there's an event or something that requires a larger amount, I will use funds from another category (theatre tickets, clothing or fun money), but at least 12 different organizations will get at least something from me this year. I'm keeping a running tally now that I've made my January donation.

I also try to shop with companies that may not necessarily share my views, but at least don't support those people/organizations/parties that I oppose. I hesitate to use the word "boycott," because I have no belief or even really a desire to see those places go out of business (most of the time). It's just that I don't want to give them my money. So far, this hasn't been difficult or even inconvenient. I just don't go to some places.

As always, I will continue to work on shaving the budget where I can to make room for more Giving this year, and in the years to come.

I suppose I do have a political message after all: it's your money, it's your voice. Use them.

1st Financial Update of 2017

I decided to check out my Net Worth report for 2016. I was beyond thrilled to discover that it's grown by more than $10,000! That doesn't include my 401k, Betterment account or my student loan debt. I only track my cash accounts in YNAB, which is where I ran the report.


I expect it to decrease significantly this year because part of that is saving for a new car, which will be purchased this year and for our NY vacation. Also, I may be planning another vacation later this year so I'm increasing my cash savings to spend it later.

So I'm totally okay with not seeing that kind of increase for 2017, but I'm still pretty happy about it!

I've changed my mind hundreds of times about what I'll do when my car lease is up, but I think I've made up my mind that I'll buy a new hybrid. I thought about buying used, but I think I'd prefer to spend more now so that I won't have to think about buying a replacement for at least a decade. As much as I love having the fully electric Fiat now, I want the flexibility of a hybrid. I've got a price in mind that I'm fairly sure is doable and while I'll still have to borrow some, I want it paid off in 5 years max, but I hope to do so in 3.

I've already paid for flights and theatre tickets for NY and have enough saved for food and other recreation. I'd like to get in at least one more show while I'm there, but I will see what's available on TodayTix (use referral code FAGSL for $10 off).

Not sure if I've mentioned here, but Sylvia is currently working on a cruise ship. If she does a second contract, Riley and I will probably take a cruise so I'm starting to save for that.

I also really want to get my student loan debt down. While the interest rate is low, the balance barely seems to move and the site currently says I won't pay it off for another 7 years, and I've been paying it for about 10 now! Enough already! I'll make a more concrete goal once I get the car situation under control, but for now, I'm throwing an extra $100/mo towards it.

I'm also starting to save for Riley's senior year. We've been foregoing on pictures, yearbooks, dances, etc. with the understanding that she'll do it all her senior year...which is next school year, OMG. We recently decided that she'll finish out her junior year before she gets a job, since this is the hardest academic year. She knows that means she won't get a driver's license or anything like that until after she starts earning her own money towards it. Her only "job" right now is to start looking for scholarships.

She's picked her dream school. It's not the most expensive, but it's not the cheapest either. We still don't have anything put away for that, but she's prepared to take on most of that responsibility herself. Mostly, that's next year's problem.

So all in all, 2016 was fairly successful, financially speaking!

9 Year Blogiversary - Announcement!

I'm holding a workshop in October on single parent budgeting. This will be in Burbank (L.A. area) on October 5 and I hope you can join me! I loved writing the eBook, but I really want to help people IRL, too!

My 9-year Blogiversary seemed a fitting time to announce this to any readers I have left :)

You can RSVP by emailing me (admccaffery at gmail). In case you can't read the attached, if you want to earn a gold star, please track your spending for about a week before the workshop and bring that with you.

Hope to see you there!

Balancing Wants v Needs - or not

I heard an interesting concept on the HerMoney podcast: that wants may be needs after all. Author Sarah Newcomb makes the argument that what we normally refer to as "wants" are really meeting fundamental needs.

Thinking about this through my own budget lens, my Theatre Tix category comes to mind. Do I need to see Hamilton? I would joke that yes, yes I do, but of course, that's an exaggeration. But thinking about it, planning for it, imagining it when I listen to the cast recording...it fulfills my needs for participation, leisure, creation, identity and freedom.

So maybe, when looking at the categories where you tend to overindulge, ask yourself, "what need(s) does this satisfy? Are there other ways I can create that satisfaction?" And bonus: coming up with new ways to minimize these expenses will also satisfy your fundamental need for creativity!

Some people, for instance, won't listen to cast recordings until after they've seen a show. I prefer to spend $10-20 on a cast recording before I shell out hundreds for tickets to see if it's something that interests me. I tend to meet friends for lunch instead of dinner to save both time and money. Lunches are cheaper than dinners or even drinks sometimes, and it doesn't interfere with my schedule for picking up Riley after work.  I don't subscribe to music services because I have enough in my iTunes and Amazon Prime libraries to keep the music varied without another monthly bill. (Plus, I still listen to Hamilton more than half the time, anyway!)



If this sounds daunting, remember two things:

1) We adapt all the time. Technologically alone, we all try new things on a regular basis. Instead of thinking of this as a sacrifice, think of it as an adaptation.

2) This is an opportunity to get more of what you want: you get your needs met, plus you get to save money for other needs/wants.

And hey, when you come up with solutions and plop down the $$ for that "want", you can honestly say to yourself, "I need this!"

Financial Literacy Month 2016: Budgeting Beyond Diapers & Day-Care

I was surprised when I heard a financial expert on a podcast say that she thought her costs would go down once her child was in school. Kids do not get cheaper as they age. The costs just become less fixed.

I admit, I felt the same sense of relief when I stopped paying for daycare, but reality set in fairly soon. School supplies, after-school activities, outgrown clothes and shoes, school fundraisers, teachers' presents, birthday presents, summer camp, book fairs and so on.

Granted, there are things you can do to keep these costs from skyrocketing (buying used clothes, saying "no" to fundraisers, having your child make presents), but not spending any money is next to impossible.

The easiest way to transition from the fixed day care costs to these lumpy, don't-know-when-they'll-hit costs is to budget the money you were budgeting for day care to a "kids' expenses" category. I lumped them altogether like that so that once a year, I can look at how much I'm really spending on these things and adjust as necessary. Let me tell you, that number didn't go down until one of my kids had a job!

If your budget is still struggling to keep up, it may be time to look for cheaper alternatives.

My daughter's love of art and dance really flourished at the local Boys and Girls Club. She received many opportunities there that would have cost a lot more at private dance or art studios, and had a lot of fun. Once she was ready to move on to a private dance studio, she volunteered to decrease the monthly tuition. It never hurts to ask if you or your child can volunteer in exchange for a discount. I believe that my daughter got more out of her private dance studio experience because of the hours she spent helping there. She loved working with the younger kids and received advice and inspiration from all the teachers, not just her own.

Often, she would ask if we had a certain something for an art project. Often, we didn't. Sylvia never let that stop her, and would come up with creative solutions that garnered her more pride than merely buying something. 

Once you think your kids are old enough, you can involve them in the conversation and their answers may be the best! If your child really really wants to be on the team, they may be more than willing to contribute half their allowance or set up a lemonade stand for the uniform and association fees. And if they don't, then why are you stressing about it? Toss the application and move on with your life!


Even when they're younger, you can start talking about choices. When you're at the grocery store, and your child is asking for this, that and that and that, tell them they can choose one. Or give them a dollar amount (no more than $5, probably) that they can use on a treat. (This also helps with their boredom and impatience at the store!)

The choices are not always that easy, of course, but the more your kids practice making choices, they'll be more prepared to tackle the difficult ones.

I always wanted to give my kids more than I could afford, but they usually exceeded expectations when I couldn't.

Still, there will be those times when $$ just has to be spent. If you never count on costs going down, you'll be better prepared for those times.

Financial Literacy Month 2016: Balancing a Realistic Budget

Sure, there are plenty of blog posts, articles and books out there that may convince you that you don't need a budget, or that budgets are constricting, or maybe you've tried "anti-budgeting." I can only say that my financial life has improved drastically once I started working with a realistic budget.

So we have to talk about how and when a budget isn't realistic, and therefore, doesn't work.

An unrealistic budget believes that the numbers are set in stone, and if you overspend, you fail.

A realistic budget allows you to change the numbers.

An unrealistic budget assumes that the same amount of money will come in and go out every month.

A realistic budget knows that there's no such thing as a normal month.

An unrealistic budget believes that you can eat Ramen every day, and if you really scrimp and save, life will be wonderful.

A realistic budget has room for fun money most of the time, but if something goes wrong, the sacrifice to that fun money is temporary.


Even before YNAB, I changed my budgeting ways using the method I learned in The Debt-Free Spending Plan. Both are based on the zero-based budgeting concept and both (finally!) gave me a realistic budget.

Sylvia felt the effects the other day when I was getting the car serviced, and the total came close to $400 (we split the costs). Or rather, she felt no effect, because she knew she had double her share in her Auto Maintenance category.

Before you throw in the towel completely on the idea of budgeting, try a realistic (preferably zero-based) budget. It just might change your financial life!

Financial Literacy Month 2016: Why I Rent

The delightful Paula Pant wrote the end-all, be-all post on why renting may be financially prudent, which I can't recommend highly enough, but the overall message bears repeating as often as possible.

Of course, I can only speak about why renting is best for me, but those reasons may resonate.

About a year and a half ago, I got the dreaded notice from our landlord that my rent was increasing by $100 a month. Granted, my rent had not increased at all for years, but $100 is substantial so I started weighing my options.

First, I considered buying. It didn't take too long to discover that there was nothing in my price range in good ol' Los Angeles. But I'm still glad that I went through the process to know that for sure.

I filled out an application with my credit union, and was approved for more than I thought I could reasonably afford. It still wasn't a lot by L.A. standards, but there were a few possibilities for condos (no houses). Very few.

One by one, each of those possibilities stopped looking feasible. They were either in neighborhoods where I didn't want to live or required work or were in developments that were questionable.

It actually wasn't that much of a disappointment to discover that buying wasn't going to happen. The more I thought about it, I knew that I couldn't handle it financially or emotionally.

It would have stretched my budget so dang thin, I'm not even sure we would have been able to keep Netflix! Even though I'm still not at Warren's recommended 50%, this would have put our living expenses at well over 70% of my income.

Living that close to the financial edge would not have been good for my state of mind. Not sure how much sleep I would have lost, worrying about my job stability, trying to find extra income, never having lunch with a friend, dreading holidays and birthdays...I've been there, done that. I don't want to go back.

Things might possibly have been different if we lived somewhere else, but I don't want to live somewhere else. My job is here, my friends and family are here, our lives are here.

We did end up moving, finding a place we like even better for the rent I was paying prior to the increase. I had the funds to handle the moving costs, and even buying a washer and dryer.

Just the other day, Sylvia was telling me that she's glad we moved and she likes our current place so much better than the last. So do I.

Americans are far too wonderfully varied to have just one American dream. Some things to consider before buying into the home-ownership aspect:

1. Down payment +: Don't just have the amount required for your loan. You will also need more set aside for closing fees, moving expenses, and the unexpected repairs/necessities you don't discover until the keys are yours. 
2. Plus...: Do you plan on buying new furniture for the new place? Do you need appliances? Will you still have enough in your emergency savings if your car needs new brakes the same week you move? Will you still have at least a few months' worth of income if you get unexpectedly laid off the next week? 
3. Stability: If you're married, what if your spouse gets offered a new job with ten times the income the following month? If you're divorced and the other parent is still a part of your child/ren's lives, what if your ex moves across country? Are you prepared to stay in the house for at least five years?
4. Peace of Mind: I know, everyone wants to dream about the possibility of saying "all mine" when it comes to home ownership. But how will you feel if the roof is leaking? If your mailperson slips on your front walk? When your debt is six figures? When the property taxes are all yours? 

The farther we get from the financial crisis, the more people start to use the phrase "throwing money away on rent."

I don't think of it like that at all. Every month, I pay for the privilege of the roof over my family. Just like someone with a mortgage does. I also get to call the landlord if my HVAC stops working. I get to explore the possibilities again if I don't like my rent increase. 

Of course, this is not to say that no one should own a home, but like most things in life, it is not for everyone. And it's certainly not for me.

The Real Benefit of Savings

I seriously loved this article. It reminded me of how I ended up marrying X in the first place. And staying with him for as long as I did.

I didn't marry him until I was 7 months pregnant with our second child. At that point, it seemed inevitable. When he asked, there didn't seem to be any real reason to say no. I figured having kids with him was a bonding enough experience, so why not get the marital benefits out of it?

Except, of course, marrying the wrong person can be the worst mistake you can make - emotionally and financially.

Because he was such a drain on our finances, it wasn't long until I felt I wasn't in any position to leave him. Finally, the timing worked out where I was both 1) ready to leave him emotionally, and 2) had a tax refund to get out of there.

My daughter has previously asked me why I make her save 20% of each paycheck, and also, why I always say "no" when she wants to dip into it. Now, granted, her financial needs are low and her salary is low. But she already has more in her Emergency Fund than I ever had until just about 2 years ago.

Oh sure, it can sound romantic and noble to have nothing, to be reminded that money isn't everything (which it isn't), but I think it's time for a new financial story.

We need protection from our own bad decisions or unlucky twists of fate.

I can remember more than once calling my sister in tears because of yet another financial consequence of that truly terrible decision. I remember wondering, when will it end? Why wasn't it enough that I was raising the girls on my own while working full-time (and for many years, going to school part-time at the same time)? When would I be done paying these dues?

Without a financial safety net (whether you call it an Emergency Fund, a Freedom Fund or a F*** You Fund), it took me about a decade.

Now, if all that sounds too maudlin, here's another perspective. I hope the first time we both think it's okay for Sylvia to dip into her Emergency Fund is for a happy twist of fate. I hope that it's to help pay for a move for a great new career or education (without draining the Fund completely, of course). There can be opportunities that require a little investment to get started. Of course, I hope it's for something like that.

The real benefit of savings is to minimize the disruption of a bad decision/unfortunate event or maximize an opportunity. To take care of you when you need it.

eBook on sale!

First, an apology. Wanted to get this done for New Year's, but couldn't get my act together in time. Then again, if you're like me in that sense, this will be perfect timing!

My eBook is on sale Jan 10 - 17! Check it out!

Changing my Mindset

My First Mindset Change. It wasn't a New Year's resolution, but in early 2013, I vowed to not incur any new credit card debt. It took a few months, but by the summer, I knew I could keep it up and didn't look back.

My Second Mindset Change. I can't pinpoint this one exactly, except maybe to say when I started using YNAB. Obsessing over the budget screen helped me to look at my spending differently. Suddenly, making my lunches felt like a better plan. Then, giving up cable. I focused on decreasing my monthly have-to bills so I could spend more money on things I really enjoy, like going to see live theatre.

My Third Mindset Change. I loved when I got off the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle and started living on last month's income, but I still couldn't see the value of a large chunk of money in the bank...except it was nice to think about ways to spend it.

This year, my mindset change has been to appreciate the concept of letting money sit, something that we discuss on the YNAB Forums frequently. I don't know exactly when it changed, but I did realize that suddenly, even though I have more in my Emergency Savings than I've ever had before, I'm more focused on making that account grow than I am on thinking of ways to spend it. I have mini-goals planned that I'm working towards, but I also plan to just keep letting it grow indefinitely.

This mindset change has also affected my retirement planning. I decided to increase my 401k contribution and then was so excited to discover that it had a way for me to automatically increase it annually! I was a little frustrated with myself that this didn't occur to me before, but I'm trying to accept that as long as I'm moving in the right direction now, I just have to keep doing what I can do now.

But the point of this post is not to boast or brag. None of this has come easily for me, yet I am discovering that the longer I keep at this, the better I'm getting at it. Certain lifestyle changes which seemed unthinkable in years past have become a part of everyday life. And most importantly, certain ways of thinking about money have also changed, slowly but surely.

And that, I think, is the key. Start slow. Pick one thing. Here are some ideas.

If credit card/consumer debt is consuming you, do not incur new debt. period. Just that.  Of course, pay what you can, but don't try and pay it all off in one month or something crazy like that. Just get used to life without incurring consumer debt.

If you're drowning in monthly bills, pick one area per month to focus on. Maybe in January, you try to find a better rate for your cell phone bill. In February, you try to get a lower auto insurance rate. In March, you focus on eating out. And so on.

If you need to save more money, try Afford Anything's one percent challenge. If that's too intense, just up your automatic savings by $5 per pay period. Then, try $10 per pay period.

Again, don't try to do them all at once. Just pick one. After it becomes easy, then move on to something else. 

Seriously, if I can change my mindset, anyone can.

Wishing you a prosperous New Year!

Guest Post at Logix

I was honored to be asked to write a guest post for Logix: A Financial Fresh Start.

Never Blow Your Budget Again

I was talking to someone recently about budgeting programs, and why I'm a huge fan of YNAB, but not so much Mint or some of the others.

The problem with Mint (et al) is that it only tells you when you screw up. It makes you feel bad about going over-budget. You find yourself on the defensive, talking back to the spreadsheet or screen shot or whatever, exclaiming, "but I didn't know ___ was going to happen!" From having to attend a funeral to saying yes to a spontaneous get-together with a friend in town unexpectedly to simply not knowing you were going to have to buy your kid new shoes this month, there are many ways where your best-laid plans can go awry. Instead of red numbers or emails telling you, "you screwed up!" (okay, maybe not so harshly, but that's how it can feel), I like YNAB's Rule 3 philosophy to roll with the punches.

And you don't have to use the software to implement the strategy. Just change your numbers.

I know! Who knew it could be so easy? But that's really all you have to do. Sure, you might freak out for a moment, going, I don't have enough money to cover this! My experience, however, has shown me that there is always a way.


Earlier in my journey, when I still didn't quite have a handle on my non-monthly expenses, it was Sylvia's dance recital fees. I remember stressing in the car on the way home, thinking that the only way I could cover this was to add debt to the credit card. But when I got home and looked at my budget screen, I saw that I could instead pay less towards my outstanding debt and still not incur new debt. (I still could pay the minimum plus, just not as much as I wanted.)

Every month, I put $25 in my Mayhem category (for stuff I forgot, unexpected, etc.). In the beginning, I was using that much more often, but now, I've got close to $200. If you leave excess unbudgeted, you will be more inclined to buy yourself something fun (or at least, I would). By having a category for it, it's there for you when you need it.

Your budget should not feel like a straight-jacket. Most budgeting software does. If you don't want to pay for YNAB, use pen and paper or a spreadsheet so that you can feel in control of your budget and change as necessary. (Of course, much more detail available in my eBook :)

Change your budget as necessary so that instead of feeling like a failure, you feel empowered.

Involving Your Kids in the Budget

At this stage, my daughters are fully aware of the budget and YNAB, and Sylvia is using YNAB for her own budget. I talked about this in the Conversations About Divorce podcast, but not sure I've covered this here. I know I would not have been able to change budgeting course without involving my kids.

Now let's be clear: this is not about making your kids worry about money or feel bad about what they need, but about using everyday opportunities to teach money lessons.

I don't think there's anything my girls don't know about my money life these days, but of course, it didn't start that way. Here's a basic guide for introducing age-appropriate money lessons:

Pre-school: Choices. You're at the grocery store and they ask for this, that and the other thing in every aisle. Let them choose one item. Of the multiple things they want, they'll have to choose one. You don't have to bring up prices at this point - of course, if they want something outside of your budget, that'll have to be a "no." I always claimed veto power to control this. But overall, at this stage, you just want to bring up the concept of prioritizing and that you can't have everything by giving them the power of choice.

Elementary School: Now, you can introduce the concept of a budget. At the grocery store (or Target or the amusement park): they have $x dollars, and it's up to them how many items they get for that amount. This is when they start learning about value.  My own daughters would make different choices, depending on the situation, but I could see that they were figuring out the value set by the "invisible hand" for the items they liked. This can also work for special events, buying gifts for friends' bday parties or teachers, maybe even helping to plan a family vacation. This is where they start wrapping their head around the concept of money.

Middle School: Around this time is when the girls started understanding the household budget. They would often see it on the computer and they would ask me questions about categories. I would also tell them when there were changes that would affect them, and sometimes they would help me re-prioritize based on new information. Again, this is not about making them worry about it, but understand how to balance it all. For instance, if they wanted to start a new activity that would cost money, they would have to make a sacrifice somewhere else in the budget. This is also when they started paying for their own "wants" out of their allowance, while I continued to take care of their "needs."

High School: Once they have their own job, they should have their own budget. I'm a stickler for making Sylvia save at least 20% in her Emergency Savings. (And this is also when she learned that a broken boot was not an "emergency." Instead, she paid for shoe repair.) I even make Riley save 20% of her allowance. Ideally, they should also start learning about investments and retirement savings, too, but those are more abstract concepts that still may be hard for them to grasp. But if you can at least make savings a regular habit for your kids, that's a good start. Also, Riley and I talk regularly about how to pay for college. It's a fine line between stressing them about college loans/savings and helping them think proactively and realistically about it, and there's only so much information you can work with until acceptance and financial aid has been sorted, but it should definitely always be part of any conversation about college choices.

Most kids aren't getting any financial education in school so it's crucial that it starts at home. Sylvia didn't have an  economics class until her senior year, and Riley hasn't had any to date. Sylvia said she felt ahead of the curve in her class because she was already familiar with YNAB and budgeting.

Not all the conversations go swimmingly, of course, and they're practically guaranteed to make some poor spending choices, but the earlier they learn these lessons, the sooner they can recover. And, hopefully, avoid some of the mistakes that I made!

$450? Okay.

On this blog, in this podcast, and in my eBook, I've told the story of how car maintenance changed my budgeting life.

Last week, I spent over $500 on my car...and not a tear was shed, not a freak-out was had, and I even got a little kick out of knowing this would increase my cash back on my credit card this month!

Honestly, I'm not trying to brag, but to point out that having a living, breathing budget makes all the difference.

I wasn't expecting to need 3 new tires at this service...but the reality is, cars need new tires. This is why I've kept $500 in my Car Maintenance category. The total for the tires, oil change and smog certification came to $452 (this is for my old car, not the new).

The other $101 was for my car registration. That came out of my Car Registration category that gets funded every month, based on the last registration fees for both cars, divided over 12 months.

I got somewhat lucky that this happened this month because next month, I get a 5th paycheck, which will mostly go towards replenishing the Car Maintenance category for next time. Because there will be a next time.

And that's my point. Call it the Power of Negative Thinking or Realistic Budgeting or simply getting through life. Kids need new clothes, holidays and birthdays happen every year, and anything of value you own will need servicing at some point. When your monthly budget reflects these realities, budgeting is actually easy.

Millionaire Day (Who Knew?)

I'm late to the party, but apparently May 20 is Millionaire Day. Really, it's an excuse to think about your financial situation and how to improve it.

Some ideas/methods I've used to improve my own financial situation over the past few years:

Automate your savings.  A certain amount automatically gets transferred into my online savings account every paycheck. Whenever I'm able to decrease a monthly expense (see below), I increase that amount accordingly (which also helps to avoid lifestyle creep; meaning, increasing your monetary obligations when your income increases). While Sylvia's isn't automated, the first thing we do when budgeting her paycheck is put 20% into her emergency savings. She's tried to convince me that a broken backpack is an emergency, but I've explained to her that the only times she can use it are: in a medical emergency, in case of job loss or to pay for something she needs for an actual job. An example of the latter: when I needed emergency expediting of my passport application in order to work on the cruise ship. If/when she moves out on her own, I want her to always think twice (and preferably call me) before she dips into her emergency savings.

Pick a monthly expense to decrease. Maybe you can decrease or eliminate your cable bill. Maybe you can look for a better cell phone provider or call your current cell phone provider and see if another plan will work for you. Switching to Republic Wireless cut our monthly cell phone bill by about 1/3 (the catch is you have to buy their phones). Maybe you can downgrade or cancel your Netflix plan or newspaper subscription. I've found the best way for me to decide what to cut is being away of which bill makes me cranky.

Menu Plan. It took me forever to get a handle on my grocery budget. For me, the solution wasn't coupons or driving to three different stores with their weekly sales flyers. It was my itemized grocery budget spreadsheet. After each shopping trip, I update the spreadsheet with the price for each item purchased. When I plan the menu & shopping list for the next week, I update again with those quantities and see if my total is at least a few dollars under my budget. This month, with just one more shopping trip to go, I'm well under my monthly budget and have been for the past few months. Of course, I stick to my list, too!

Budget and Pay No Attention to your Bank Balance.  I check my bank account online every day, but I'm not looking at the balance, I'm looking at what has cleared the bank so I can update YNAB. YNAB does allow for reconciliation using your bank's info, but I don't use that and don't recommend it for those of us trying to improve our financial lives. While automatic bill pay and savings are great, being aware is the first step to changing any habit. Because the first rule of YNAB is to give every dollar a job, it doesn't really matter to me what the total is; it matters what jobs my dollars are doing. That's reflected in my budget, not my bank balance.

Value Your Time Over Money. Pinching pennies isn't going to make any of us millionaires. I've almost finished reading Essentialism, and am finding that I'm already doing many of the things the book recommends. Just as I don't spend time couponing or driving all over town for the best deal on whatever, I'm also not killing myself trying to get to place and events that I'm not excited to attend. It makes those times I do go out even more enjoyable. Having said that, I look forward to purchases that are going to make my life easier or better, like my new recliner :) Makes kicking back at the end of a day so much more relaxing! And what with a new relaxing recliner, really no desire to hunch over scissors and coupon mailers! Allowing yourself free time (or "me" time) also gives you time to dream, as well as make plans to make your dreams come true. (Necessary disclosure: link to the book above is connected to my Amazon affiliate account and you can increase my income - ever so slightly - if you purchase using that link.)

Value People Over Time or Money. As Suze Orman famously says, people first... Sylvia is less than a month away from high school graduation, and I feel like we're both as ready as we can be for that. While her working means she's gone a lot more, we still find time every week to have deep, meaningful conversations about her present and future. A lot of that time, we've talked about money and budgeting, so I feel confident that she has good enough tools to get her started. While she's at work, Riley and I also have valuable conversations about her present and future. She's got big dreams and goals, and we're putting together the best plan possible to get her there. While we all still have our pain points and unproductive times as well, overall, I'm feeling pretty good about where we are and the relationships we have with each other.

My goal, in the end, is not to be a millionaire, but to be financially free enough to pursue activities I enjoy and spend time with people I enjoy. So I guess I can celebrate Millionaire Day today by feeling rich in what I already have!