Thursday, July 4, 2013

Celebrating 10 Years of Independence

The Top 5 Surprises from the Last 10 Years of Single Parenthood:

  1. My kids like me, they really like me! One of my favorite things about spending the summers doing theatre with my kids is seeing them from a different point of view. Last year, it was surprising to hear how many times Sylvia talked about me to her cast mates. This year, one of Riley's castmate friends told me, "she really, really loves you." I hope they know how much I love - and like - them. 
  2. At this moment in time, X is doing the best job he can at being a part of their lives. I invited him to come to Sylvia's dance recital and he spent two nights on a Greyhound bus getting here and back to be there for this important day of his daughter's. And X and Sylvia were both pleasantly surprised that I invited him. It would be a stretch to call it co-parenting, but it is nice that he is not completely absent.
  3. How natural and normal it feels to be a party of three now. The world is not designed for odd numbers, but instead of feeling like someone's missing, we just enjoy the extra room. 
  4. How little time I have to myself! Especially in the summertime. Riley says she misses talking to me because by the time I get home after work and then rehearsal, I am just completely done with people. As much as I love, and like, my girls, I need at least an hour with absolutely no one speaking to me before I can sleep. 
  5. How much I love being single. Or, more accurately, how long it took me to realize how much I love being single. I always hated dating. Both times I married, I did so more because I thought that's what I was supposed to do rather than what I wanted to do. And while I did go through a period of being absolutely terrified that I wasn't good enough for someone else to want me, letting that go gave me a feeling of freedom like I've never felt before. I like me just as I am. Which is not to say that I love everything about me, but at the same time, I can work on myself at my pace rather than worrying what someone else. And, as evidenced by the previous point, I really do like being alone. I have amazing friends and family, and I spend most of my time out in the world. I love that I don't have to worry at events whether or not my "date" is bored. I like leaving an event when I'm ready to leave. I like feeling in control of my own life. I am sometimes overwhelmed by being in charge of the girls' lives, but I also like that once I've made a decision, then that is the decision. I love my life right now. 
 I celebrate my personal freedom today. Happy Independence Day to all!