Monday, September 19, 2016

Self-Care; Unmarried & Single Americans Week

Yes, it's that time of year again! And this article has some fascinating facts and figures that make me believe every year, more and more will be celebrating.

To kick this off, I want to start by addressing those who may not be single by choice, or wouldn't call themselves happily single.

For whatever reason, you're single at this moment, and this is your life right now so embrace it. Here are some ideas on how to take care of you.

Take time to do what you love. I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone, even among the happiest couples I know, that don't have certain activities or hobbies that don't interest their partner/spouse/whatever you want to call them. Whether it's binge-watching a certain TV show, hiking, the opera, even dancing around your living room... you can enjoy freely, and without that feeling that the other is just tolerating it. If these activities take place outside of your home, consider doing them solo. Personally, I love belting while making dinner, picking a show to binge-watch on weekends, and I have a few shows coming up where I've just bought one ticket.

Take care of your money. I sleep so much better knowing that I have a plan in place that's working for me. Of course, I'm far away from most of my financial goals, but I'm moving in the right direction. I know how it feels to not have a plan, too. It's incredibly empowering to know I'm taking care of my money.

Re-think your home.  To be clear, I don't mean spending lots of money on this, but take another look at where furniture, pictures and knick-knacks live. Sometimes, there may be only one or two lay-outs that make sense in the space, but a re-configuring of treasured items may help you appreciate them anew...or you may prefer empty space there instead now. Coming home should feel inviting, and if it doesn't, consider what changes could be made that would make it so.

Define (or re-define) your goals. Plan your future as if you'll always be single. You may or may not be, but again, this is your life right now. Are there classes you've been meaning to take to advance your career? Is there another career path that you want to research? If you're closer to retirement, have you thought about what that would look like? Figure out the small steps you can start taking today to live the future you want tomorrow. Writing the book and the upcoming workshop both came from thinking about this.

Connect/re-connect with your friends. Be forewarned: if you've dropped friends for a relationship, some may not be anxious to re-connect without at least calling you out on this. If that's the case, honor their feelings. I still don't see as many of my friends as often as I'd like, but I enjoy it whenever I do. Especially if it's some quality one-on-one time together over lunch or dinner. I actually prefer that over seeing shows or movies with friends - where talking to each other is the main activity. There's one friend in particular I have a standing lunch appointment once a month. It's always something I look forward to, it's always a good conversation, and I just always feel good after spending time with her.

Biologically, we are each whole all by ourselves.

I definitely went through a period soon after my divorce where being alone completely terrified me, so I do get it. But once I accepted my single status, I was able to start thinking about me and my life and what I could do to make it better. We have so little control over so much of the world, and many of us are responsible for the care of others, but often feel like no one is taking care of us...and that's because as adults, we are responsible for our own care. Whether single or coupled, take that responsibility seriously. I'm pretty sure you'll find yourself well worth the effort!

Monday, September 12, 2016

9 Year Blogiversary - Announcement!

I'm holding a workshop in October on single parent budgeting. This will be in Burbank (L.A. area) on October 5 and I hope you can join me! I loved writing the eBook, but I really want to help people IRL, too!

My 9-year Blogiversary seemed a fitting time to announce this to any readers I have left :)
You can RSVP by emailing me (admccaffery at gmail). In case you can't read the attached, if you want to earn a gold star, please track your spending for about a week before the workshop and bring that with you.

Hope to see you there!