Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Men not equal? Give me a break!

Yesterday, I encountered 2 different stories of men complaining about inequal rights.

The first involved the man who previously advocated to ban Ladies' Nights in bars now filing suit against the Colorado Rockies Ladies' Night promotion. Clearly, the man has decided he has no desire to get laid ever again in his lifetime.

These are promotions. They are not jobs, they are not housing issues, they are not education issues. These promotions are based on what a company's willing to offer for what they want in return. They want more women there. If you have a problem with having a large amount of women in an establishment, here's an idea: stay home! I find this insulting for every fight for true equality that minorities and women have faced in our long history.

Business have practices that I don't agree with, and here's how I deal with it. I don't go there. I will tell others that I don't go there, and why. I'll even write an email to the company and tell them why I'm not going there. It would never occur to me to file a lawsuit unless I felt that the business practices were illegal or immoral. I don't know how you compare the right to fair salaries to the privilege of a free game ticket.

The next one is insulting to me personally. It involves the lawyer who claims himself a "Dad-vocate." Kori has already blogged about this (I love Kori for never holding back any punches), but there's no way I can leave this alone.

David C. Stone likes to throw around statistics to prove his points. He likes to say how the mothers gain custody the majority of the time. Well, here's what I know about single parenthood.

I know many more women who are single mothers whose partner has abandoned their children. I know many women whose partner is not worthy of the title Dad. The problem, quite simply, is the men.

Now I know some dads here in the blogosphere and in real life who are involved in their children's lives. My own father took his role very seriously. This is not to take away anything from any father that has earned the title of "dad" or "daddy." You know who you are. This is not about you.

This is about the single mothers that are truly sick of being bashed upon. This is about the moms who deal with every sickness, every report card and parent meeting, every request to their bosses to please let them take an early lunch to be there for the holiday play, every question about why Daddy doesn't call, every mom who can't get a job because there are no laws to protect mothers from being discriminated against in the workplace.

Yes, there are cases where the guys get the raw end of the deal sometimes. I know of two, personally. Beyond those two, though, I know ten times more women personally who are doing this without the child support they are owed, without a dependable second parent, without the child support system doing their part, with no one standing up for them.

And if I hear the phrase again how "every child needs two actively engaged parents," as David Stone says, I think I will scream. Loudly and long and you will be able to hear it through your modems and wi-fis.

Yes, I would love it if I could depend on my daughters' father to have a stable residence (that wasn't a jail cell), be drug-free, have a valid driver's license, and hey! Why don't we throw in the thousands of dollars in back child support while we're at it? Are you kidding me?!? You're welcome to take him under your wing, Mr. Stone, and teach him how to be a man.

In fact, you're welcome to go to all of the actual mothers and children where the moms won custody and child support and find out if they're actually receiving that child support, and if the dads are showing up for their visitation. Since you're so concerned about these children, that's the best advocacy work you could do.


Jen said...

I'm pretty sick of this movement, too. Kids need AN active, involved parent, and they need two if two are willing. Usually it's the mom. Not always, but the main thing is what's best for the kids.

And statistics bear out the mom custody thing because the moms are more often the ones who are there consistently.

Tara R. said...

AMEN SISTA FRIEND! My own dad was deliquent in paying child support, felt the court ordered amount was too much - butthead! It is about the kids and not some pissing contest between the parents. Moms are consistantly more involved with their kids than dads, sad, but true.

Anonymous said...

April, you are awesome.

I really can't believe someone is suing over the idea of ladies' night. that' could be one of the most absurd things I have ever read.

While it's true that some men get an unjustifiable bad rep, it seems that more often than I'd like to say when a man decides he doesn't want to be a dad anymore, that's it. There's nothing the mother can do about it.

My best friend got ditched by her husband when her son was 2 1/2 because he "changed his mind". Seriously? Isn't it a bit late for that? He wanted to act like a college freshman and spread his seed around. Since that day he's avoided his fatherly duties in every way possible and there's nothing she can do about it.

Kori said...

You said it far better and less inflammotorily (I just made that word up, I think) than I did-but we feel the same!

Anonymous said...

I think that the "dads" who need advocates probably weren't doing their jobs as fathers before they needed legal help, since especially if the court is involved I would say about 75% of the time the courts will hear both sides equally. This was probably not true 20 or even 10 years ago and I'm sure there is still a bias towards the mother but I think we are getting better.

Also - I like Kori's new word. :)

LunaNik said...

Funny you should mention the ladies night thing because only a few years ago, the bar that I worked at had to stop doing Ladies Night. Apparently, because of some dumbass lawsuit initiated by a MAN, Ladies Nights in NJ are now illegal. Dumbass.

And yes, it seems that men who make self righteous statements about parenting seem to forget the difficulties that mothers, ESPECIALLY single mother, face nowadays.

Great post girlie!!!

Anonymous said...

I commented over at Kori's blog too on this David Stone character...


Thanks for reminding everyone that 99.99% of the time, it's the moms who get the raw deal. So the 0.001% of men can head on over to David Stone's office.

Unknown said...


That's how it sounds when I'm screamin into the radio or at the TV at this dweeb! I live 40 minutes outside of Denver, so when he rears his head, we hear about it all over the news.
~SIGH~ some people.

MarĂ­a said...

Have my babies?

Jeff and Charli Lee said...

I never had a problem with ladies' nights. What guy would complain about a nightclub filled with intoxicated women ;-)

OHmommy said...