Monday, April 14, 2008

Just a Rant

It's been a while since I ranted about the ex, and it's what's on my mind today so if you don't want a hear a crazy woman bitch, you can move along. But some of my fellow single mamas might appreciate it, anyway.

Okay, so my loser, deadbeat sperm donor of an ex managed to tick me off this weekend by not picking up the friggin' phone!

At this point, his role as "dad" involves one little thing. To call the girls on the weekend. I have asked him not to call during the week because we're busy enough getting homework done, dinner, baths, etc. to deal with it. Given that we don't get home until 6 on a good night, that's a lot to pack in before an 8:30 bedtime! (Which is slowly creeping to 9, but I'm still calling it 8:30.)

He can't manage to pay child support like he's supposed to, he can't manage to stay out of jail and in a residence in Los Angeles and drug-free long enough to get every other weekend visits, he can't manage to think about parental responsibilities at all...the absolute least he could do is to pick up the phone once a week. But apparently that's become too strenuous for him as well. (I don't think he's in jail. I usually get a phone call from his family if that's the case.)

I'm mulling over the merits of picking up the phone and yelling at him. Now, I've been at this long enough to know that it won't change his behavior in the slightest. But as I told Kori, it sometimes makes me feel better at least to yell at him. I'd be doing it for me, not him.

On the other hand, knowing my luck, he won't be home when it's convenient for me to yell at him without the girls around. So he'll call back when I am with the girls and I won't be in my "angry place" enough to deal with it.

The ironic part of it is, the girls didn't even notice! I mean, it'd be one thing to yell at him about how he's letting them down, but they didn't even mention his name this weekend! Whenever he does call, they're happy to talk to him, but he just doesn't seem to enter their thoughts when he's not around. It's a very "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing these days. So if I call him on it, I risk the chance that he actually will be more vigilant about calling, and then they will count on it, and then he'll miss a weekend, and they'll miss him, and it'll all my fault for bringing it up in the first place!

Guess I ranted my way out of that one...


KG said...

Yeah, I say go with it. If the girls aren't phased, who needs it!

Sounds like a Douchebag (with a "big" D).

One of my good friends is on her second marriage and her husband has a total loser of a first wife. (Her first husband was also a loser, but not AS MUCH of a loser.) Anyway, so I asked her why she thought he married woman #1 to begin with. She shrugged and said "Well, we all make mistakes when we're young." Hell, I think about some of the guys I hooked up with/dated and throw up a little in my mouth, too! LOSERS!

Kori said...

April, you and I have already talked about this, but I had to comment on the above comment: THAT is freaking funny!

Unknown said...

It's great that the girls aren't affected by his behavior, but I'm still sorry the guy is a dick head.

I have no idea what I'd do in your situation April, all I know is I'm a hothead and I'd really have to watch it around the little ones if their dad was like that.

Take care hun!

Anonymous said...

I would agree that if the girls aren't bothered by his lack of calling/caring, then let it go.

But if you're anything like me, it's incredibly frustrating because you know how wonderful those girls are and you want him to know it, too. And he just doesn't seem to care that much.

Ugh. Exes are such a pain in the ass.

Jen said...

I'm with the others - let it be if the girls aren't noticing it. If Dad is still a druggy, he's never going to "be there" for them in any case, which sucks, but is probably true.

Huge hugs on this one.

Me. Here. Right now. said...

I ALWAYS love hearing a crazy woman bitch, that's why I'm a lesbian.

However, I have to agree with everyone else. When my kids are at their dad's in the summer, they never call because they aren't thinking about me at all. That's fine, when they're here, they don't think about their dad. It works out perfectly. Of course, their dad isn't a DB, he's a good guy whose wife faithfully writes out the support checks twice a month.

LunaNik said...

"...he won't be home when it's convenient for me to yell at him..."

I know this is a serious, ranting post and everything, but that phrase had me laughing out loud.

Mr Lady said...

When my husband and I were separated, he never called. Like, EVER. And my kids never noticed, either. That's a really sad statement.