Monday, January 24, 2011

Balancing my Need to Know

When I picked up the girls one day this past week, something was going on with Sylvia. She didn't want to talk about it. She lied down on her bed with her iPod and her cell phone. Of course, I asked her what was up, but she didn't want to talk about it.

And I let it go.

She's 13 now. She's not going to tell me everything. I know enough to know that there are things she's keeping from me.

When it was time for dinner, she came out of her room and we had a normal evening. She wasn't sullen (nor particularly giddy), she seemed just fine. The rest of the week, she was mostly her usual self.

I could have tried to bring it up again, but I decided to see if she'd say anything to me. She didn't. I didn't push because I'm afraid that if I push too hard, I'll push her away. I want to know, of course. I might be able to help. But maybe that's why she's not talking to me. Maybe she wanted to figure it out for herself. Or maybe she already has.

It may come up sometime. She may tell me next week, or she may never tell me. Or maybe it wasn't even something. Maybe it was just a desire to be alone, to listen to a certain song.

I know it sounds like I'm driving myself crazy worrying about it, but I'm really not. All of this stuff went through my head pretty quickly in the half hour it occurred.

It was just the first thing I thought of when I read The Daily Post's topic: Can you handle the truth? I'm sure I could handle whatever it was she would've said, had she said something. I think it's generally harder not to know. In the end, I think I did the right thing in just giving her space.


Yor Ryeter said...

My sister is 6 years younger than me. When we were studying, just like boarding school, we're far from our parents so I acted as the adult.

I show that I am always there for her to listen and defend her. Usually, she tells me what's wrong. In case she doesn't and I can feel something is up, I just tell her that 'How's everything?' then wait up for her to share.

I am sure being a mom; you can always handle the truth about your daughter because you love her unconditionally!

Pippi said...

I would have a hard time not asking too. It's something I had to accept when Andy tried to tell me about his experiences at Kindercare, and finally reached a point where he folded his arms and said, "I don't want to talk about this any more." I will always wonder what happened, and he will probably never tell me. But I don't think my continuing to ask would cause anything but harm. Still bothers me, though.

Unknown said...

It amazes me that even my kindergarten kids come home and have these things and feelings weighing on their shoulders and in their little heads. At least once a week SOMETHING happens and it takes awhile to resolve it, etc. At 5 years old they're so willing to talk about it after a bit, I cannot fathom my girls not talking to me after school about these things. That said, I know it's going to happen one day, and I'm really glad you're sharing your experiences here.

Vinomom said...

The "Space" thing is so hard! I am dealing with it now as well, at age 10.
I'm also struggling with her just wanting to do her own thing. This weekend she just wanted to play her DS and listen to her Ipod and watch tv. I do try to limit electronics (and we did go out for a 5 hour shopping trip) but I also have to remember I was doing the same thing at her age, that it's natural! It is really difficult!

Danielle said...

I probably would have asked. This is a good lesson for me. Sometimes you do just have to let them be and come to us! God I have so much to learn!