Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Terrible Tuesday - Lust

Many, many thanks and claps to Lunanik for this very fun carnival. I shall miss it!

So this is the last post. The lust post.

These past few posts, I've concentrated on the aspects of the sin that make it worthwhile. You didn't think I'd stop doing that for lust now, did you?

When used carefully, I'd even argue that lust is better than love - far less heartache, patience, or brain power required to get you through it. And again, let me stress, when used carefully. Being stupid with lust is playing around with your life - in every sense of the word.

But we've all had those moments of pure lust that feel so good it must be wrong, right? And, sure, some sense of playing with fire is attached to it.

We're raised in a society that is constantly pointing out the dangers (sometimes real, sometimes taught) of lust.

Now, does the thought of my daughters experiencing this sensation scare the blog out of me? You bet it does!

I already have had one of those moments where the words that came out of my mouth were shocking to me. The first time Sylvia mentioned the s-e-x word to me, I snapped, "you're way too young to think about that!" Well, she was! She was 8 at the time!!

But I do not want to be a mom that is not honest with my children about s3x. Nothing will turn me into a phony liar to my kids faster than denying that lust feels good.

My own parents let other people handle the "talks" with me, for the most part. I went to Planned Parenthood clinics for information sessions, and took the S3xEd classes in school. I also grew up at a time where the biggest danger of having unprotected s3x was AIDS, not pregnancy. AIDS scared me.

Growing up in theatre, AIDS touched me before I was an adolescent. Musical theatre greats like Michael Bennett went down, friends of friends were lost to this dreadful disease. I was performing for AIDS benefits on a regular basis by the time I was 15. AIDS scared me into a fairly late bloomer - at least, among those in my peer group - when it came to actually engaging in such activities.

But I do remember one talk that my mom and I had about it. And what I appreciated most about it was that she didn't lie to me. She didn't tell me it wasn't enjoyable for the woman or anything like that. She just informed me of all the responsibilities that came with it.

Now, by no means was I perfect. Nor can I honestly say that I didn't let my parents down. But in the end, we all make our choices and have to live with the consequences. While mine didn't include disease or pregnancy, you're just going to have to trust me when I say, I definitely faced some consequences!!

And I guess that's what it comes down to: I can ensure that my children have as much information as possible, and I can try to warn them of every possible danger associated with their choices, but in the end, not only is it up to them, but most likely, they'll find new dangers or consequences that I couldn't even imagine!

Just a week or so ago, there was a guy on "Colbert Report" who was saying that every person desires a non-monogamous relationship at one point or another. Now, before all you happily married folk write to tell me that you never want to think about that, I'll clarify what I think was his point: we all feel lust.

We all have felt lust, greed, envy, wrath, sloth, gluttony, and vanity, among many other emotions. And yes, we've all been guilty of overindulging in them from time to time.

But I can't help but go back to my life motto: it is all about balance. It's not the emotion itself that's trouble, but how we balance it within our lives in the healthiest way possible. We will never get it right all of the time. It is a constant, daily struggle.

And with all that each has given me, with all that I have learned about the strength I can have or have seen in others, with the sense of achievement when I do get it right from time to time, at the very heart of it, is the truest sense of being human.

For me, it makes it all worthwhile.


Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you that, at times, lust is a wonderful and necessary thing.

Recently, I needed some lust in my life. I didn't feel like I had the time to dedicate to love (or maybe didn't think I could find someone willing to put up with the craziness of my life right now!) but I definitely some.

Thank goodness for friends with benefits!

Kori said...

Lust is a big part of the reason I am in the situation I am in at the moment; and Owen is a testament to the fact that there ARE consequences. But of course it feels good! I know you don't agree that it is better with someone you love, but that is my experience, and again, part of why Iam still in this...thing. But like you, I am as open with my kids as is appropriate for their ages, and I have no problem giving them the information they need to make reposnsible decisions-even when dealing with the knee-shaking, heart-pounding, carry-you-away- lust. Balance-that is a great way to put it.

Anonymous said...

Nothing, in my opinion, is more important than having the correct information upon which to base a decision.

Jen said...

I'm definitely with CG here. And I also agree - all things in moderation. Lust exists. That's the way it is.

MarĂ­a said...

Umm...I'm totally getting laid in San Fran. I have two lovers wracked up so far. 5 years of unsatisfying sex? I OWE ME.

FreedomFirst said...

I can't help feeling very sorry for that guy on the Colbert Report, because he must not feel lust for the person he tries to have a monogamous relationship with.

That's one thing I'll have to say, no matter how PO'd I get at Mark, I don't think I could ever be more sexually attracted to anyone. I'm luckier than I care to remember sometimes.

LunaNik said...

I may have clicked the "mark all as read" button, but there was no way I was missing this post. Another one knocked outta the ballpark.

I was a late bloomer too.

Single Working Mommy said...

Another awesome, thought-provoking post. Your new job better not keep you TOO busy--I'd miss your POV too much. You have a way of making me look at things differently than I normally do.

I was a late bloomer as well, but the fear of unplanned pregnancy was my reason. And guess what happened later in life? I had an unplanned pregnancy! I prefer to call him a "surprise" now though!

Tara R. said...

I have always tried to be as honest, while still being age appropriate, with my kids whenever they had a question about sex.

It is all about balance. =)

Unknown said...

It's so true about growing up when AIDS was the real scare. I started hearing about the dangers in elementary school, around fifth grade. It scared the crap out of me.

Oh lust, I'm so nervous about my own post on that sin. I think it's the one I embody the most out of all of them.

Me. Here. Right now. said...

Thirty years ago Jimmy Carter (remember him) was vilified for admitting he had "lust in his heart."

If we never had a lustful thought cross our minds, we'd be dead, I'm thinking.

GetSmartGal said...

I am with you on a little lust is a good thing with Balance and education being very important components. Great post!!