Friday, June 13, 2008

Flashback Friday - Rejection

As usual, you guys rock! Thanks for all your support on my ongoing KIPP struggle. The struggle continues, really nothing new to report, other than there are now 12 of 18 teachers who will not be coming back next year. I'm waiting for one of the Board members to get back in town and hopefully respond to some of my concerns. Reading your comments definitely helps me keep my determination to keep fighting. Thank you.

This post was actually mostly written last Friday, but I never got a chance to finish it and post. I'm so looking forward to Blog Hopping tonight and catching up with some of you!!


The girls and I have a new show (to pick up where "Step It Up and Dance" left off - congrats Cody; although we were rooting for Mochi): Legally Blonde: The Search for Elle. On the first episode, they went from 50 to 30 to 15 to 10. Of course, the closer the girls got, the more devastated they were to get cut. (There was one girl in particular that I really liked who got cut in that last round that I disagree with - but what do I know?) Riley asked me if I'd ever been sad not to get a part. I decided it was a perfect story for Flashback Friday.

When I was 8 years old, I auditioned for a national tour of Annie. I want to say it was the first national tour, but I could be wrong. The auditions were in Sacramento, it was an open call, and inSANE! But I couldn't have been more excited to be there.

This was when Annie was all the rage - or at least it was to me. I sang "Tomorrow" and "Maybe" every chance I got. I listened to the record (yes, vinyl) at least a gazillion times. I think if my sister hears either of those songs ever again, it'll still be too soon.

First round, I sing about 2 bars - on to the next round. This trend continued for many of the rounds. Some girls were singing longer than me, but I was still just whizzing on through.

I was called back for the next day. Again, same sort of thing. I just keep doing my thing and getting through to the next round.

Finally, the very last cut of the day, I was cut. As I came down from the stage, there were 8 girls left. There was the cast. And I wasn't in it.

To say that I was heartbroken, to say that I was devastated doesn't quite describe it. I vividly remember standing outside of that theatre, and just crying and crying while my dad held me. He was so great. He just let me cry. He didn't try to make me feel better - although he did point out that all the girls were shorter than me (which is ironic, considering I'm still short at 5'3" now!), but mostly he just let me cry and be devastated.

Whenever I watch these reality competitions now, and hear people say how they just want it sooo bad, and think that wanting it bad enough will translate into getting it, I just have to shake my head. Yes, you have to give it your all and do your best every single time. I played it over and over in my head for days, weeks, afterwards, and I really did do my absolute best. When it comes to jobs, roles, etc. (presidential campaigns), there's no "deserving" it, either. It is what it is. And accepting that was my first harsh lesson. In show business. (I still struggle with it IRL.)

But that first cut was the deepest. No matter how many other close calls I've had, no matter what other roles I didn't get, none of them compared to that first rejection.


MarĂ­a said...

I am sitting here, so very sad for your 8 year old self. :(

I thought Cody was good.

Anonymous said...

As someone who DESIRED to be an actress, I can tell you it was that fear of rejection that ultimately scared me away. I knew I would never be able to handle it. Look at me and Cre8buzz for goodness sakes! I can't even stand THAT rejection. I may have become a different person if I had pursued it, a more hardened person, which may have been a good thing, but it's all in the past now.

Poor little eight year old you. I can imagine how that felt. I really can. But I can also see that you probably got a lot of your strength from these kinds of things.

Anonymous said...

P.S. Step it up and dance was good, but I missed the finale. You need to be watching So You Think You Can Dance! There's much MORE dancing and the talent is PHENOMENAL this year. I'm going to check out that Legally Blonde show, that looks fun!

Anonymous said...

I know it is totally irrelevant since you didn't get the part, but I think it's pretty cool that you got all the way through to the last cut. I mean, that shows some serious talent in your 8 year old self.

Great story... and a good lesson too.

Tara R. said...

That broke my heart. I'm glad losing out on the role didn't stop you from continuing in theater and entertainment.

Karen MEG said...

After so many callbacks, to be cut at the end like that, and only 8!!! Sounds like your dad was such a solid rock of support for poor little you.

You must quite the singer and performer!

Kori said...

I think I would have wet my pants the first time and would have given up. Plus I love to sing but I really suck at it. You are pretty amazing fro having the courage to keep going, and I KNOW you are talented! :)

Jen said...

Rejection is so much a part of working in the arts. And, of course, it's amazing you got as far as you did.

I'm sure it was completely devastating, though.