3 years later...
Granted, lately, real life has rudely interfered with my blogging!
Sylvia opened in Willy Wonka last night. We really enjoyed the show, and she had a blast.
Getting there felt like it ate up the last week, but that's okay. In addition to hell week, I had a PTA meeting, the interviews for my Leadership program, and a packed schedule at work. This weekend, I'm just trying to find my strength again. And hopefully some blogging mojo.
So I've been blogging for three years now. Here are some of the things that have changed, and some that have remained the same.
When I first started blogging, I was living in my old LA childhood again. By incredible circumstances, when we were looking to move in that area for Sylvia to go to KIPP, the exact same condo that I'd grown up in was for rent. I loved the chance to go back home again. It gave me an opportunity to integrate who I'd been in high school to who I am now. While we may not live there anymore, those opportunities still present themselves, thanks to Facebook and all the reconnections I've made there.
Sylvia was going to KIPP and thriving academically. That was our dream educational year. I still miss it, I still miss what she gained from there, but now she has grown not just as a student, but as a person. Oh, we still have our battles, and I think we will for a long time, but I see so much in her that wasn't there 3 years ago. She is still sensitive, but strong enough to stand up for what she wants and needs, in all meanings of those words. Most importantly, she has grown to accept her father for who he is. She's not mad at him (or me), she loves him, but doesn't need him. I wanted to believe that she would get there, but I wasn't so sure for so long.
Last year, I didn't know if she'd ever be able to accept that some peers were just not going to be the friends she wanted them to be. She has learned that if she wants people to accept her for who she is, she has to accept them for who they are. While it's still early in the year and hasn't been completely drama-free, the tone has changed. She's getting through it a little bit easier.
She's also done an amazing job of staying on top of things at school while still rehearsing every night from 6-10 this week. She hasn't fought with me once about getting her homework done, nor does she really need my help. And even though she's going to bed later, she's getting up easier. She's changing so much, and all of them are signs of overall growth.
Riley called me her best friend 3 years ago, and still does. She was the new girl at school (again) three years ago, and this year, she'll be graduating with classmates she's had since third grade. She's still her own person, all while continuing to be there for others. She has found her strengths academically, and knows her weaknesses, too.
What I'm most relieved to see is she doesn't retreat into what I called her turtle shell as often as she used to. She used to suddenly get quiet and it would take forever to get her to open up about what was bothering her. Now, she openly reaches out and says how she feels. She loves to make people smile. Just this morning, we were snuggling, and she reached out to make sure Sylvia was included. She never wants anyone to feel left out. Because of her many experiences with being the new kid, she has been the first to welcome any new kid, or any kid that isn't part of the crowd now. Her friends are devoted to her because they know she is there for them. She learns from her mistakes, and if anything, I have to make sure she's not too hard on herself for making them in the first place. Of course, she's not perfect, but she remains a problem-solver and peace-maker; two qualities that are just part of who she is and always will be.
There have been times in the past three years where I wasn't sure we would make it through. I haven't felt that way in a really long time. I know that this blog and the community I've found here is a big part of the reason. Thank you for being here, supporting every step of the way so far. I hope to be here for a long time to come.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My Two Cents on Mommy Blogging/Branding
*This post has been sitting in my Drafts folder since May about 3/4 finished. Now seems as good a time as any to finally finish it.
I had the pleasure of having some one-on-one, face-to-face conversations about this subject, most recently with Jessica Gottlieb and YvonneinLA about the oh-so-controversial issue of whether or not Mommy and her blog are getting paid what they're worth.
This is an issue that has been lingering in my mind since I started contributing to LA Moms, and all of a sudden, offers for reviews, events and link swaps are commonplace subjects in my email.
Now, before I get too ahead of myself here, I don't want anyone thinking I actually believe that I'm a top blogger on anyone's list. That's not why I started it, that's not why I continue to do it.
It actually started because of a mom community site that I belonged to where I found that I wanted to write essay-long answers to questions. I wanted to express my experience.
For me, the experience has been far greater than I ever could have imagined, and I have this great community of friends across the blogosphere!
It never occurred to me that by doing so, I would become a marketer's ally. Yet I have taken advantage of those opportunities, too. I have gotten facials and seen ice shows and of course, the Yahoo! Mother Board summit.
The question I always ask myself is this: is it worthwhile for me and my family?
Worthwhile doesn't always have to mean money to me. Worthwhile can mean opportunities that we would not otherwise have; the chance to interview Tony and Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth, for example. Seeing Riley on Dinosaur Train. But I turn down a lot of requests because my girls have aged out of the products.
I turn down (or ignore) at least half of the requests I receive. I ignored the request for fabulous Father's Day gifts, since it was clear to me she had never read a post. I reply to some, stating that I disagree with a company's practices and therefore, will not participate. I reply to some, regrettably that I have to say no because I either perceive a conflict of interest, or a scheduling conflict. It's actually getting to the point where I almost dread opening them because chances are it will be something I have to turn down.
And I know for my part as a reader of blogs, I tend to ignore a lot of the reviews. Not because I don't value that person's opinion, but because the products being reviewed simply aren't of use to me or my family.
So when you see a review post for me, there's a reason that it was worth my time and/or effort for me and my family. I cannot guarantee that the product or service will be of use to you. I will absolutely come to the product/event with an optimistic view, but I won't be afraid to say what disappointed me about it. I will write with the readers in mind to a point, but I can only talk expertly about my family's experience.
As most of you know, I'm pretty busy these days so it will take something really intriguing to get me to say yes to even review something, let alone schedule in an event, but if I do, I am doing so because I believe the time and effort will be worth it.
That's about as close as I can get to a branding guideline.
I had the pleasure of having some one-on-one, face-to-face conversations about this subject, most recently with Jessica Gottlieb and YvonneinLA about the oh-so-controversial issue of whether or not Mommy and her blog are getting paid what they're worth.
This is an issue that has been lingering in my mind since I started contributing to LA Moms, and all of a sudden, offers for reviews, events and link swaps are commonplace subjects in my email.
Now, before I get too ahead of myself here, I don't want anyone thinking I actually believe that I'm a top blogger on anyone's list. That's not why I started it, that's not why I continue to do it.
It actually started because of a mom community site that I belonged to where I found that I wanted to write essay-long answers to questions. I wanted to express my experience.
For me, the experience has been far greater than I ever could have imagined, and I have this great community of friends across the blogosphere!
It never occurred to me that by doing so, I would become a marketer's ally. Yet I have taken advantage of those opportunities, too. I have gotten facials and seen ice shows and of course, the Yahoo! Mother Board summit.
The question I always ask myself is this: is it worthwhile for me and my family?
Worthwhile doesn't always have to mean money to me. Worthwhile can mean opportunities that we would not otherwise have; the chance to interview Tony and Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth, for example. Seeing Riley on Dinosaur Train. But I turn down a lot of requests because my girls have aged out of the products.
I turn down (or ignore) at least half of the requests I receive. I ignored the request for fabulous Father's Day gifts, since it was clear to me she had never read a post. I reply to some, stating that I disagree with a company's practices and therefore, will not participate. I reply to some, regrettably that I have to say no because I either perceive a conflict of interest, or a scheduling conflict. It's actually getting to the point where I almost dread opening them because chances are it will be something I have to turn down.
And I know for my part as a reader of blogs, I tend to ignore a lot of the reviews. Not because I don't value that person's opinion, but because the products being reviewed simply aren't of use to me or my family.
So when you see a review post for me, there's a reason that it was worth my time and/or effort for me and my family. I cannot guarantee that the product or service will be of use to you. I will absolutely come to the product/event with an optimistic view, but I won't be afraid to say what disappointed me about it. I will write with the readers in mind to a point, but I can only talk expertly about my family's experience.
As most of you know, I'm pretty busy these days so it will take something really intriguing to get me to say yes to even review something, let alone schedule in an event, but if I do, I am doing so because I believe the time and effort will be worth it.
That's about as close as I can get to a branding guideline.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
We're all growing
Grocery shopping with them this weekend, I realized just how much more expensive this is going to get, the older they get. On this trip alone, they wanted a new hairbrush, shaving products, hair gel, and other gender-specific items. OMG. This is really happening. Sylvia is almost my height now.
Sylvia passed the first round for the scholarship so we're crossing our fingers that she survives the 2nd round now. I checked her grades, and right now she has a B in Algebra (which is kind of phenomenal), and an A+ in Social Studies. She seems to be off to a really good start. She's loving doing the show and is counting the days until Opening Night.
I haven't even had my first official Leadership class yet, and I'm already learning so much. I took a test where I found my strengths are in what they refer to as Relationship Building and Strategic Thinking, which was somewhat surprising because I thought my strengths would be in Execution. So far, though, what I've really taken to heart is that good leaders aren't great at everything. Knowing where my strengths are, and where they're not, is the first step. I'm really looking forward to reading more this weekend, and our first real class!
Last night we had Back to School Night at Riley's school. Well, first I had to drop off Sylvia at rehearsal, then I had to drop Riley off at my parents' house (since they would prefer kids not come to BTS), and then drive to Back to School Night, stop in at the Book Fair, then listen to the meeting, go back to pick up Riley, pick up Sylvia, and finally, we got to go home.
I like Riley's teacher, Mrs. A. The Curriculum Director told me that she has the highest test scores of anyone in the District! She doesn't believe in Spelling, which I totally get. She has the Gifted students in her class, too, and frequently gives the entire class Gifted homework, and seems to expect a lot from them, all the while making learning fun. They have a snake in the class, and she feeds him a "sleeping" rat with the class watching. The only thing I didn't like is she does those "project" book reports; the dioramas, cereal box, book-in-a-bag reports that I loathe. The Curriculum Director said she'd probably be open to having Riley write a real book report instead, but we'll see.
Work is still busy, but not as crazy busy as last week. I am, as always, trying to find that ever-elusive balance!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
From Left to Write Book Club Post: Cowboy & Wills
Holloway's portrayal of motherhood in Cowboy & Wills
is both unique and universal. The story unfolds just after Holloway has received the diagnosis that her son Wills is on the autism spectrum, and follows their journey from that first guilty walk into a pet store to buy hermit crabs through their years with their beloved dog, Cowboy.
While I know I can't speak for all mothers, I can say that for me, I completely relate to that feeling of "how did we get here? And what am I going to do about it?" And without beating the martyr drum, we just get through it because there is no other choice. We will overcome whatever obstacle our child faces. And sometimes, we have to get out of the way and let them do it on their own.
Thankfully, Holloway had people in her life to remind her when to step back, and let Wills push through it. That's something I've really had to work on.
I don't consider myself a Helicopter Parent by any means, but I do wonder if sometimes, I don't give my girls the room they need to grow. Sometimes, I've been guilty of overindulging them to make up for the absence of a stable father in their lives. Sometimes, I've been guilty of putting myself deeper in credit card debt because I don't want them to go without, even though we're a single-income family. Most particularly, because of all the stigma associated with single moms raising "criminals," I've felt the pressure to ensure that my daughters are more than mere statistics. I want to prove that it's not about defying the odds, but that one involved, nurturing, and responsible parent can be enough. Especially when there's no other choice.
Holloway speaks openly about some reactions she receives when it comes to Wills' autism, and how it makes her feel: from guilty to angry to exhausted, the energy we waste worrying about how we're perceived would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Parents are told in a thousand different ways and everywhere we turn how we're doing it wrong.
We're either too involved, or not involved enough. We spoil them too much, or we don't give them enough. We're too strict or too free-range. The list goes on and on. And most of us are fighting for, yes, you guessed it, balance. Every day, we're faced with a million little decisions, and, just as Holloway struggles in nearly every page, we're constantly questioning what kind of impact each of those decisions will have on our children for the rest of their lives. If I say "yes," am I too soft? If I don't help with that school project, will she get a bad grade? If I tell her how to handle her friendship problem, will it work? Will she stop talking to me about it if it doesn't work? We treat every decision like it's life or death. And sometimes, it very nearly is.
I think all parents are just a little bit crazy. And the more obstacles in front of us, the crazier we get trying so desperately to be perfect; to get it right.
The beauty of Holloway's story is those moments of pleasant surprise. As much as we try to understand the impact of everything we say and do, I am just as taken aback as Holloway is when I have a moment with my children that says, they get it. They have been listening! They have been learning!
Every now and then, I'll overhear the girls in their room, and one of them is telling the other, "Mommy said!" They say "anyway" properly, instead of the popular but meaningless "anyways." My favorite text ever from Sylvia was the one that read, "Don't say I told u so, but u were right. As always."
I wouldn't go so far as to say we need to stop fretting. (And really, like that would stop us!) I think our fretting, even worrying what other people think keeps us honest. We are constantly having to re-examine how we're doing; if we've stepped too far in the direction of overbearing or if we really need to free our schedules and just snuggle with our child for a while. I've heard the saying that we shouldn't do anything we wouldn't want printed on the cover of the New York Times. (Especially us bloggers.) Still, I hope that through our journey, we can keep our sense of humor about ourselves, as Holloway so endearingly has. And while I still don't believe that love can conquer everything, a mother's love together with our village, can come closest of all.
Read more posts on Cowboy & Wills at the book club site, From Left to Write.
While I was given the book to read for free, I have not been compensated for this post.The link to the book is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will generate a small referral fee for me.
is both unique and universal. The story unfolds just after Holloway has received the diagnosis that her son Wills is on the autism spectrum, and follows their journey from that first guilty walk into a pet store to buy hermit crabs through their years with their beloved dog, Cowboy.While I know I can't speak for all mothers, I can say that for me, I completely relate to that feeling of "how did we get here? And what am I going to do about it?" And without beating the martyr drum, we just get through it because there is no other choice. We will overcome whatever obstacle our child faces. And sometimes, we have to get out of the way and let them do it on their own.
Thankfully, Holloway had people in her life to remind her when to step back, and let Wills push through it. That's something I've really had to work on.
I don't consider myself a Helicopter Parent by any means, but I do wonder if sometimes, I don't give my girls the room they need to grow. Sometimes, I've been guilty of overindulging them to make up for the absence of a stable father in their lives. Sometimes, I've been guilty of putting myself deeper in credit card debt because I don't want them to go without, even though we're a single-income family. Most particularly, because of all the stigma associated with single moms raising "criminals," I've felt the pressure to ensure that my daughters are more than mere statistics. I want to prove that it's not about defying the odds, but that one involved, nurturing, and responsible parent can be enough. Especially when there's no other choice.
Holloway speaks openly about some reactions she receives when it comes to Wills' autism, and how it makes her feel: from guilty to angry to exhausted, the energy we waste worrying about how we're perceived would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Parents are told in a thousand different ways and everywhere we turn how we're doing it wrong.
We're either too involved, or not involved enough. We spoil them too much, or we don't give them enough. We're too strict or too free-range. The list goes on and on. And most of us are fighting for, yes, you guessed it, balance. Every day, we're faced with a million little decisions, and, just as Holloway struggles in nearly every page, we're constantly questioning what kind of impact each of those decisions will have on our children for the rest of their lives. If I say "yes," am I too soft? If I don't help with that school project, will she get a bad grade? If I tell her how to handle her friendship problem, will it work? Will she stop talking to me about it if it doesn't work? We treat every decision like it's life or death. And sometimes, it very nearly is.
I think all parents are just a little bit crazy. And the more obstacles in front of us, the crazier we get trying so desperately to be perfect; to get it right.
The beauty of Holloway's story is those moments of pleasant surprise. As much as we try to understand the impact of everything we say and do, I am just as taken aback as Holloway is when I have a moment with my children that says, they get it. They have been listening! They have been learning!
Every now and then, I'll overhear the girls in their room, and one of them is telling the other, "Mommy said!" They say "anyway" properly, instead of the popular but meaningless "anyways." My favorite text ever from Sylvia was the one that read, "Don't say I told u so, but u were right. As always."
I wouldn't go so far as to say we need to stop fretting. (And really, like that would stop us!) I think our fretting, even worrying what other people think keeps us honest. We are constantly having to re-examine how we're doing; if we've stepped too far in the direction of overbearing or if we really need to free our schedules and just snuggle with our child for a while. I've heard the saying that we shouldn't do anything we wouldn't want printed on the cover of the New York Times. (Especially us bloggers.) Still, I hope that through our journey, we can keep our sense of humor about ourselves, as Holloway so endearingly has. And while I still don't believe that love can conquer everything, a mother's love together with our village, can come closest of all.
Read more posts on Cowboy & Wills at the book club site, From Left to Write.
While I was given the book to read for free, I have not been compensated for this post.The link to the book is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will generate a small referral fee for me.
Friday, August 27, 2010
My unique family
I've been busy pretty much every night this week, and crazed at work, and my way of winding down has been to veg in front of the TV and then stumble off to bed. One of the shows I watched was a re-run of Becker. This episode featured George Wendt, formerly Norm from Cheers (with Ted Dansen as Becker, of course), and Becker was feeling sorry for himself for being alone. But after telling "Norm" about his life and the characters in his life that make up the ensemble, "Norm" pointed out that Becker was far from alone; that each one of these people cared for him and it sounded like he had a great family.
This week for me was all about my own family, and what a fantastic support system that the girls and I are so lucky to have.
I had my Parents Advisory Committee meeting for the Club, our extended after-school family that is there to enrich my daughters' lives every day, year-round. My daughters are pursuing their dreams because of the Club, have discovered their dreams because of the Club, and now, the Club is nominating Sylvia for a scholarship. It's a long way to actually get it, but that they thought of her and are doing their part for her means so much to me.
The following night was our fundraiser for the Club. It's one of those where you eat at a restaurant, give them a flyer, and 20% of your bill goes towards the Club. My parents and a friend of theirs came, Sylvia's former principal came, friends from work came...so many came to support the Club. We had a great time for a good cause.
The next night was my orientation and the welcome reception for the leadership class I'm taking this year. It's quite an impressive group of classmates I have! One is the editor of the local paper, another is the Superintendent, various people from City departments, along with employees of non-profit organizations, a doctor, a fire captain, a police officer, and others who work in the private sector. I am totally honored to be among this group.
But what really made my night was that my boss came to support me. My boss, my parents, Riley, my friend that first told me about the program were all there to cheer me on. I was totally nervous when it was my turn to speak (I'm a blogger, not a speaker!), but seeing all those faces smiling back at me made it so much easier.
And among those attending the reception, I knew others that I didn't even know would be there! It hit me that I already am a part of this community.
So work is crazy and Sylvia's busy with rehearsals every night, and next week, I have to figure out again how to be in two places at once, and before my first official class, I have to take a test, read a book, and interview two people. I have to do my minutes for the next PTA and Booster Club meetings, and help at the Book Fair and deal with all the everyday stuff that comes up.
I love all the labels that I wear. I love our extended family.
I love my life.
This week for me was all about my own family, and what a fantastic support system that the girls and I are so lucky to have.
I had my Parents Advisory Committee meeting for the Club, our extended after-school family that is there to enrich my daughters' lives every day, year-round. My daughters are pursuing their dreams because of the Club, have discovered their dreams because of the Club, and now, the Club is nominating Sylvia for a scholarship. It's a long way to actually get it, but that they thought of her and are doing their part for her means so much to me.
The following night was our fundraiser for the Club. It's one of those where you eat at a restaurant, give them a flyer, and 20% of your bill goes towards the Club. My parents and a friend of theirs came, Sylvia's former principal came, friends from work came...so many came to support the Club. We had a great time for a good cause.
The next night was my orientation and the welcome reception for the leadership class I'm taking this year. It's quite an impressive group of classmates I have! One is the editor of the local paper, another is the Superintendent, various people from City departments, along with employees of non-profit organizations, a doctor, a fire captain, a police officer, and others who work in the private sector. I am totally honored to be among this group.
But what really made my night was that my boss came to support me. My boss, my parents, Riley, my friend that first told me about the program were all there to cheer me on. I was totally nervous when it was my turn to speak (I'm a blogger, not a speaker!), but seeing all those faces smiling back at me made it so much easier.
And among those attending the reception, I knew others that I didn't even know would be there! It hit me that I already am a part of this community.
So work is crazy and Sylvia's busy with rehearsals every night, and next week, I have to figure out again how to be in two places at once, and before my first official class, I have to take a test, read a book, and interview two people. I have to do my minutes for the next PTA and Booster Club meetings, and help at the Book Fair and deal with all the everyday stuff that comes up.
I love all the labels that I wear. I love our extended family.
I love my life.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Weekend Wrap-Up: off and running
School's definitely back in session. There was no easing in for Sylvia; homework started the very first night. But she seems to like all her teachers; most importantly, she likes her Algebra teacher and feels comfortable enough to ask for help with her. Big change from last year!
We were also busy every night. Thankfully, my parents were able to help out for the night I had to be in two places at one time. Sylvia had rehearsals most nights, plus we had the first PTA meeting of the year, plus Riley and I had a meeting about her 5th grade science camp field trip. She's so excited - they're going camping for 5 days. We saw a short video about the ranch/school and got many of our questions answered.
We were happy to see so many parents turn out for our first PTA meeting of the year - oh, and Booster. Did I mention I'm also the Secretary of the Booster Club now?
Next week will be even busier. Sylvia has rehearsal every night this week, plus I have a parents advisory meeting at the Club, a Club fundraiser the next night, and the night after that, I have my orientation and reception for the Leadership program. I'm getting really excited about the Leadership program. Plus, I have a friend from the Club in my class!
Work is also getting busier. I've got three major projects, plus the everyday stuff.
I don't have much writing mojo right now, and while I'm trying to keep up with reading blogs, I'm afraid I'm not commenting very often. The blogosphere will just have to survive without my input for a little while.
We were also busy every night. Thankfully, my parents were able to help out for the night I had to be in two places at one time. Sylvia had rehearsals most nights, plus we had the first PTA meeting of the year, plus Riley and I had a meeting about her 5th grade science camp field trip. She's so excited - they're going camping for 5 days. We saw a short video about the ranch/school and got many of our questions answered.
We were happy to see so many parents turn out for our first PTA meeting of the year - oh, and Booster. Did I mention I'm also the Secretary of the Booster Club now?
Next week will be even busier. Sylvia has rehearsal every night this week, plus I have a parents advisory meeting at the Club, a Club fundraiser the next night, and the night after that, I have my orientation and reception for the Leadership program. I'm getting really excited about the Leadership program. Plus, I have a friend from the Club in my class!
Work is also getting busier. I've got three major projects, plus the everyday stuff.
I don't have much writing mojo right now, and while I'm trying to keep up with reading blogs, I'm afraid I'm not commenting very often. The blogosphere will just have to survive without my input for a little while.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thoughts on the First Day of School
I'm not going to try and put a beginning, a middle, and end on this post (I know; when do I ever?). These are just random thoughts on the girls' first day of school.
- Riley thinks her 5th grade teacher is the best teacher ever because she only assigns homework on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm inclined to agree.
- When Sylvia told me her English teacher doesn't do spelling tests, I was thrilled. That high quickly evaporated when I found multiple typos/misuses of grammar in her syllabus.
- While Sylvia's Algebra teacher gave her far too much homework on the first day of school (30 problems easy), I love that she gives them the answers, too. They still have to show their work and do the assignment, of course, but having the answers will let Sylvia know immediately if she's on the right track or not.
- The Algebra teacher was also the only one who asked the parents to tell her about our child. I let her know that I suck at Math and will be no help to Sylvia, and that we are both terrified of this class.
- I'm a little concerned that Sylvia's rehearsals for her upcoming play might interfere with her school work, but thankfully, starting on Friday, all of their rehearsals look to be complete run-thrus of the play. Sylvia's only in the 2nd act, so she'll have all of the first act to get her homework done. At least the craziest part is at the beginning of the year; should make the rest of the year look easier to her once rehearsals are done.
- Riley cannot wait for the 5th grade camping field trip. This is so up her alley, and I'm excited for her. (And also pleased that I don't have to go. Camping is not my idea of a good time.)
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