Accepting My Weaknesses

We read this book in our leadership class about finding our strengths. A friend (and fellow classmate) and I are always making jokes about "that's not one of my strengths!"

I do think it's important to acknowledge that we will always have weaknesses. While some can be improved upon, just as with parenting my children, I have to pick my battles. There's only so much I can work on about myself!

One of the things I've learned to accept about myself is I'm not real good at talking. Particularly when I'm emotional or trying to make a point. I trip over my words, can't keep my pronouns straight, and I definitely put my foot in my mouth a lot!

Writing comes easier to me. Even if it's all jumbled in my head, I can edit/backspace/delete my way through it. (I don't go back and edit much here because I find if I take away every word I might find unnecessary, it's not a very far jump for me to decide that all the words are unnecessary!)

At work, I definitely do better in written communication than on calls. I still tend to get flustered, look at the wrong draft, call people the wrong names...I can sound like an idiot! In personal situations, I tend to cry a lot. (I sound like a lot of fun, don't I?)

Parentella recently did a chat on teens texting, and I wish I'd had that available to me at that age! A way to express myself that didn't leave me a crumpled, emotional mess.

I used to be much better at public speaking...or at least, I had more confidence about it. The older I get, the less comfortable I feel on display.

I could attempt to get better at it, but this writing stuff down thing has been working for me! I'm just going to accept this as one of my weaknesses.

Move On

If New Year's Eve is any indication on what the new year will be like, ours was perfect. Peaceful, even.

We went shopping so the girls could spend their gift cards, watched Alice in Wonderland and then played the Glee game (two of Sylvia's purchases). Then we each found our own little corners to do what we wanted to do. Riley tried to stay up until midnight, but fell asleep (of course). I woke her 10 minutes before midnight to watch the ball drop. She doesn't remember kissing me Happy New Year at midnight, but maybe next year! Then we all went to bed.

I mentioned in my holiday letter that we are going to have a lot of transition in 2011. The girls will both be graduating from their schools, and going to new ones. Where, we don't know yet. Moving again might be an option, depending on where they go. I won't know until March or April what their future holds so I'm trying not to think about any of it just yet.

Everything has been so stable for so long, but I think we'll be ready for some changes, too. Which sounds kind of weird, considering how good everything is right now, but I think it's just part of who we are. We've "conquered" this life, so to speak. To steal a line from my favorite fictional President on West Wing, "what's next?"

And, I wouldn't be me if I didn't also include a musical theatre reference! As Sondheim said in Sunday in the Park with George, it's time to "Move On."

While this may sound contrary to longing for a peaceful 2011, I don't believe it is. I think we have to acknowledge that change is inevitable, and I think we have the tools and resources to deal with change, and, hopefully, the changes will be for the better.

So I don't really see any need for resolutions. We'll "just keep moving on."

Watch the full episode. See more Great Performances.

*Amazon links are provided through my affiliates account. Any purchases made would generate a small referral fee for me. Video is via PBS' Great Performances, Sondheim! The Birthday Concert, which was so great, I've watched it 5 times already! I have no affiliation or association with PBS; just love them for bringing us this amazing concert.

Peaceful New Year

I've been talking a lot lately about finding more accurate words than striving for "happiness." I don't know why it took me so long to find it; I've even used it here before: Peace.

Peace of heart and mind: knowing that things aren't perfect, but you're heading in the right direction.

Peace in love: appreciating all the love there is around you from friends, family and even in the kindness of strangers.

Peace in work: outside of the home, inside the home, whatever it may be, but knowing that your days are busy making meaningful contributions.


Financial peace: accepting that most of us aren't millionaires, but knowing that we are doing the right things with our money.

Peaceful home: okay, so having kids makes this one extra challenging, but striving for the sounds of laughter and joy, and understanding that in tears, there is usually some progress being made in our little ones' development.

Peace in soul: being present and giving to those who need us.

Wishing you all a peaceful 2011!!

Something Else I Learned in 2010

Even though I haven't participated in F.A.B. Fridays here, I've still been doing the work. I'm developing better routines, better habits. Especially financially. It's not all coming up roses just yet, but there is steady, slow progress.

I am also working on the guilt thing. I don't suppose it'll ever disappear completely, but I'm learning to work through it and focus on what's best for me, when possible. I'm being careful to make sure no one else gets hurt or anything, but I'm also quite proud of myself for not going broke buying a bunch of presents because I thought I "should." I couldn't afford it, it wasn't what was best for us, so I didn't. I didn't go crazy over the girls either, and they were perfectly happy with what they got. And combined with all the presents they got from everyone else, they felt it was the "best Christmas ever!"

All in all, I'd say this year we got what we gave. I'm not just talking about gifts here. I'm talking about how much effort, energy, and care we put into areas of our lives. Sylvia's hard work in art and dance has been paying off so far. The relationships that I care about most are strong and beneficial to both parties. Frankly, we've been getting back far more than we've been giving, but we have been giving, too. We just give in our own ways.

I'm learning how to give how I give best, and to graciously accept offerings. Not just in terms of $$, but in accepting help, advice, learning from what people have to teach just in the way they live their lives. And becoming a better mother, friend, and person for it.

Christmas Past v Christmas Present

It was my 2nd Christmas as a single parent when a lovely friend gave me cash with strings. The strings were, I had to spend it on me, not the girls, and it had to be for something I wanted, not needed.

That year, I really struggled with that. I wanted to use it for groceries. Or child care, or another present for the girls. I could think of a hundred ways to use that money, but came up absolutely blank for something for just me. I don't actually remember how I used it in the end, but I remember the stress of it!

This year, another dear friend did the same thing. This year, I'm not feeling anxious about it. This year, I can't wait to go to Nordstrom Rack and buy myself some new clothes! (Well, I can wait long enough to not go the day after Xmas; that's just crazy!)

It does seem rather ironic that I no longer stress about being selfish. I did stop long enough to ask myself if that really was a good thing. But hey, at least I can follow directions now!

Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that my mom and I were perusing scrapbooks from Christmases past and saw my same outfits over and over again! Guess it is time for some new apparel to go with the new 'do!

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday! As we head into the New Year, let's all remember to be a little selfish every now and then. Especially if someone gives you money for it :)

In Lieu of Blogging

I stole this idea from Jeff at View from the Cloud, but just in case you've been wondering what I've been doing with myself these past few months, here is what I can remember anyway.

In honor of my friend that is fighting cancer, donated 11 inches of my hair to Locks of Love.

Took my girls to see The Nutcracker for the first time. They both loved it. We did not love the people who sat behind us, after coming in LATE, and the child talked all through the first act, while the MOTHER kicked my chair...we moved at intermission.

Attended 3 holiday parties in two days. At one of them, a very sweet older woman was stroking my hair (obviously, before the locks were cut). It was mostly strange because she didn't ask permission first, which I totally would've given! Oh, and at another party, one woman went off about how much she didn't like the Toy Story movies. Are you serious? Do you HAVE a heart?

Discovered AccuRadio and their multiple Broadway stations!!

Moved office locations. Very strange because for once, I've had the same home address three Christmases in a row, and the office has been the one constant in the last 7 years. Adjusting. Very, very slowly.

Celebrated with Sylvia. Along with the Peace Poster win, she just won a scholarship that will pay for her dance classes and clothes, etc. up to $2,500! Why yes, I am very proud, thank you!

Attended PTA meetings, PAC meetings, helped out at a few events, gone to a few luncheons, gone to my leadership classes, read books for the leadership classes, accomplished all of my Xmas shopping online (even remembered stocking stuffers this year), taken the girls to see Harry Potter (or, as Riley likes to say, HP7), survived a parent teacher conference, survived Sylvia's finals, took a tour of a high school, solve challenges like how to be in two places at once (be at neither place), attend a happy hour night, a girls' night out night, negotiated agreements with government agencies, cut monthly expenses, slowly but surely paying down my credit cards, obsessively check my bank account balance, discovered Leverage, took the girls to Disneyland, laughed with the girls, cried with the girls, struggled with the girls, worried about the girls, think about the girls, talk about the girls, talk at the girls, talk to the girls, listen to the girls, try to teach the girls, learn from the girls, get mad at the girls, make up with the girls, love the girls.

10 Lessons Learned in 2010

This isn't in any type of order, and I'm sure I've already forgotten some important things I learned this year. Hopefully, some have already become so ingrained that I forgot they were revelations; some, I will just have forgotten and have to learn again sometime.

1. Integrating the past into the present can be scary, but it is so worth it. 
2. As important as communication is between parent and child, sometimes, silence can accomplish so much more. 
3. It shouldn't be a surprise to me, but it still makes me happy that Sondheim was right: Children do listen and learn.
4. With a little time and perspective, what were once thought of as necessities really aren't. The girls have been out of therapy for over 6 months now, and yet, they are still growing, still healing, and still becoming stronger people.
5. 7th grade can be survived.
6. The quickest way to brighten my mood is to listen to Broadway musicals. For years, I've been operating under the assumption that I have to watch the news in the morning. And then I'd leave the house frustrated with the state of the world. It started with listening to my latest Glee purchases and my days start off "so much better." (Can you name what musical that's from?)
7. The girls and I are pretty good at heavy lifting. We've accomplished a lot of furniture re-arranging, just the 3 of us. But I was most impressed when they moved their own beds without me!
8.  I need to get my blogging mojo back. It's taken me 3 days to write a post of 10 things!
9. Goals are scary. But thinking in terms of 5-10 years down the line is possible.
10. I was reading Take the Cake about balancing life, and the way the steps were broken down were exactly the way I'm living my life right now. So what did I learn? That I'm doing better than I thought I was at this whole balancing act.