Friday, September 19, 2008

Bring on the Morphine

When we left off, April was on her way to the hospital...

But wait, there's more. Beyond my need to overuse old TV cliches, I realize I've somehow jumped ahead by about a year.

The girls and I lived in our own apartment in L.A. for about a year before X moved out here. During the summer, I got bored. Well, not bored, exactly, but I felt I had a hang of the whole single motherhood thing (ha ha ha - it's just a lull in the drama. This is one of the reasons I believe in seeing the glass as half-empty), and not only that, but I was freaking out about how I was going to keep up with the financial obligations. Beyond the day care for Riley and the usual household expenses, there was all the money for school activities (in a public school - but that's another rant for another day). School pictures, school plays, buying cookie dough and gift wrap for the school fundraisers, buying cookie dough and gift wrap for all my colleagues' kids' school fundraisers to thank them for all the cookie dough and gift wrap they'd bought for Sylvia's, buying thank-you presents for teachers, and birthday gifts for Sylvia's friends' bday parties...the list was endless.

I realized that while I was a good assistant, there was only so much money in that. Not only that, but I had no other marketable skills, really. My years of singing, dancing, acting, producing, directing, and teaching meant nothing in the real world. After I got over my depression about that, I knew I had to do something. I started Antioch that fall.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled post:

So the whole weekend the girls were gone, I was in pain on and off. I even called an ambulance at one point, but of course, by the time they got there, I was feeling fine again. They recommended I go in to emergency care, but can you think of anything less fun than a Saturday night in an ER?

In my infinite wisdom, I chose denial. Monday after work, I happened to be watching two other kids in our apt. complex. The only comparable pain I've experienced is labor. And I'd say the two were a toss-up. In fact, labor's better because you get a baby at the end of it.

I called my dad, who recognized the pain as most likely being gall stones. We passed the neighborhood kids off to another neighbor, my mom took the girls to their place, and my dad and I headed for the ER. Only a two hour wait on a Monday night.

I was checked in and my dad said they'd watch the girls as long as necessary.

I spent the next four days in bliss on my morphine. This drug rocked! I slept like I haven't slept in years. It was a little annoying when I attempted to talk to the girls when my parents brought them every night, but other than that, I couldn't imagine a better vacation from single parenthood. (Well, except for the upcoming cruise. 127 days...)

But, of course, by the end of it, I was ready to get the heck out of the hospital. I was lucid more and more, and being sober in a hospital pretty much sucks.

We decided to surprise the girls on Friday by having me in the car when we went to pick them up. Oh, were they thrilled to see me!

It became clear in the days and weeks that followed how scared the girls had been of losing me. Much like what Kori and Hannah went through with CSG (if you don't know what I'm talking about - well, you should really be reading Kori's blog by now!) It was an event that made them think about what their lives would be without me.

Yet another unfair reality they had to face at young ages (I think they were 7 & 9 at the time).

The silver lining was that Sylvia stopped giving me such a hard time about X. But I would've taken that over the fear that it instilled in them.

X also claimed to have been scared straight. A week later, I let him babysit the girls at our place while I went to see "Wicked" (for the first time). I'd been let out of the hospital with a prescription for Vicodin. There were about 27 of 30 pills in the bottle when I left for the show. When I came back, there were 3.

Now I had to figure out how to let the girls have a relationship with their father that didn't include babysitting at my place, or any opportunity for him to break any laws. This was going to be tough.


Suzie said...

Wow all I can say is wow

Anonymous said...

What a jerk. Did he think you wouldn't notice?

MarĂ­a said...

Wow. What an ass.
That's a lot of friggin' Vicodin.

Kori said...

Holy shiz. The paralleles continue to Only mine was not stones but just gallbladder inflammation, and it was Darvocet not Vicodin.

Anonymous said...

I had to read these last few postings before I could comment. Now I'm breathing, but April, it's so painful to read how your life has been lately.

And the shit that he's shoveling at you--don't these men every take a moment to look in the mirror and listen to that alter-ego witch in the mirror that is their reflection tell them that they are hurting the people in their lives and to think about them first?

Mantra: cruise, cruise, cruise.

OHmommy said...

Wow, April. Wow. I don't even know what to say. Like you weren't going to notice that. Ugh.

Meg said...

"I just wanted a normal divorce". Those words say so much.

Me. Here. Right now. said...

I'm sorry he's such an ass. Poor girls. They'll still idolize him. Until they get it.

Anonymous said...

X sounds like a pathetic loser! We hope you're feeling better though. That's a lot to go through, physically and emotionally.

Tara R. said...

That is amazing, and outright frightening at the same time. Wow.

Jen said...

Unreal. I must say, I'm not sure I would have had your strength to keep allowing X in their lives.

SO difficult.

Did you finally have your gb out, or is it still there?

Mama Smurf said... did I miss all this. I missed an entire weeks worth of posts. Did you have surgery?

Anonymous said...

I know right? Who isn't reading Kori's blog yet? GET ON THE BALL PEOPLE! hehehe. I'm Loving hearing all about your story, because it makes me feel like I'm not alone.

Thanks so much!

P.S. What a douche taking your pills. A smart drug addict would have replaced them with aspirin. (Did I just say that out loud?)hehe.

Shiona said...

Oh wow! Those prescription drugs can be a killer. I remember in Vegas I had complete strangers buggin me for pills. They said they's pay me for them. Crazy!