Monday, December 17, 2007

My Human Condition

I'm not your typical girl. I don't like jewelry, I can get myself ready in under a half-hour, and I hate shopping.
I'm not your typical "butch" girl. I'm not into carpentry and I scream at the sight of a spider.
I'm not your typical liberal. As I've blogged about before, I'm anti-union and also have a problem with pat answers from either side. I just happen to agree with the left side more than I do the right most of the time.
I want everyone to like me, but I'm not going to bend myself into a pretzel to try to make it a reality. I want people to like me because of our differences as well as similarities.
I can be outspoken, but I'll turn into a wallflower at a party where I don't know anyone.
I know many people would label me "emotional," but I feel like I'm suppressing my emotions at least 10 waking hours of the day.
While I'm no traditionalist, I'm not so far out there that I don't take my responsibilities seriously.
I don't know how to be anyone other than who I am. If I could do it better, than I would be.
At the same time, I try every day. I see my failures, my flaws, my downfalls pretty darn well. But I'm not sure how much more I can change them or grow or try harder. And, yes, there are days when I just don't even feel like trying. There are also days when I can drive myself to that place called crazy either trying, or in spite of all my best efforts to steer the other way.
And at the end of any and all those days, all I am is human. Full of questions, attempts at answers, dysfunctional, jumbled up, confident, vulnerable, passionate, gloriously right, hideously wrong, plain old-fashioned human.

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