Since we don't get home until close to 7 most nights, the girls have no desire to wait longer than 5 minutes to eat dinner. Even the most efficient recipes require at least 20-30 minutes...unless dinner's in the slow cooker.
I've been scouring the internet for slow cooker recipes, and have come across a few good resources to answer the never-ending question, "what's for dinner?"
I'm now the proud owner of two slow-cookers: one with cool programmable features, and one smaller old-fashioned one so I can even slow cook a side dish. I do any prep work required the night before so all that's left to do in the morning is get the slow cooker(s) cooking.
In order to avoid overdone, dry meat that sometimes can be an issue with slow-cooking, there are two basic rules to follow: 1) always cook on the Low setting, and 2) choose recipes that have a sauce. Sure, we'll have a pot roast every so often, but even then, we prefer a recipe that incorporates another liquid besides water. Since it'll be in the slow cooker all day, programmable or not, cooking on Low is already a requirement for us, and I think only once have we had something that tasted even slightly overcooked (and was cooked in the non-programmable slow cooker).
I was very excited to find Reynolds Slow Cooker Liners to help with clean-up. This is not at all a sponsored post, but I really appreciate that someone thought of these!
Our evening routine is working great for us these days. Riley gets the mail while I feed the cat. Sylvia sets the table while I serve. After dinner, the girls start on their homework while I clean up and prep for the next day's meal. While they're getting dressed in the morning, I'm starting dinner. Rinse and repeat.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
What's Next: Back to School
A little history: When I was promoted a few years ago, I was in school to get my paralegal's certificate, and qualified for the position under CA's rule that I was already essentially performing the job. And I have a totally great and supportive boss that seized the opportunity to promote me.
Just a few months later, Sylvia got in a charter school with longer school hours, we moved, and I took a break from school to help Sylvia adjust.
Then the school fell apart, the condo we were renting was sold under us, we moved again, and here we are, about 3 years later, and I never went back to complete my paralegal certificate.
To be fair, I was usually doing more than just working full-time and parenting full-time. I served on the PTA Board, on the girls' after-school advisory board, took the leadership class, did the play, and so forth.
For their first year at their new schools, I didn't want to join any committees just yet. I wanted to get used to the commute, build a new routine, and maybe even enjoy a little down-time, too.
I'm starting to get bored, though. And my wonderful, sweet boss asked me oh-so-nicely if I was finishing up that paralegal certificate. So this will be my new extra-curricular (again).
I'm setting boundaries, though. I will only take one night class per week. If there's a Saturday class, I'll take that, too. My boss has said that I don't have to rush it, just as long as I'm actively working towards it.
I'm really looking forward to it. I already know the environment, so I'm prepared for the bad and the good of this particular school. One quarter, I managed three classes, so I'm fairly confident I can handle the workload of one or two classes at a time.
And, in keeping with my promise to stay honest, I need the discipline. You may have noticed I haven't been writing here as much, nor reading and commenting as much. It's that "body in motion" thing. I need several things going on at once to keep me from getting downright lazy. I like being busy. Not multi-tasking, but constantly asking myself, "what's next?"
Just a few months later, Sylvia got in a charter school with longer school hours, we moved, and I took a break from school to help Sylvia adjust.
Then the school fell apart, the condo we were renting was sold under us, we moved again, and here we are, about 3 years later, and I never went back to complete my paralegal certificate.
To be fair, I was usually doing more than just working full-time and parenting full-time. I served on the PTA Board, on the girls' after-school advisory board, took the leadership class, did the play, and so forth.
For their first year at their new schools, I didn't want to join any committees just yet. I wanted to get used to the commute, build a new routine, and maybe even enjoy a little down-time, too.
I'm starting to get bored, though. And my wonderful, sweet boss asked me oh-so-nicely if I was finishing up that paralegal certificate. So this will be my new extra-curricular (again).
I'm setting boundaries, though. I will only take one night class per week. If there's a Saturday class, I'll take that, too. My boss has said that I don't have to rush it, just as long as I'm actively working towards it.
I'm really looking forward to it. I already know the environment, so I'm prepared for the bad and the good of this particular school. One quarter, I managed three classes, so I'm fairly confident I can handle the workload of one or two classes at a time.
And, in keeping with my promise to stay honest, I need the discipline. You may have noticed I haven't been writing here as much, nor reading and commenting as much. It's that "body in motion" thing. I need several things going on at once to keep me from getting downright lazy. I like being busy. Not multi-tasking, but constantly asking myself, "what's next?"
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Budgeting Update: Diminishing Guilt, Increasing Confidence
I have two types of Excel worksheets for my budgeting: one breaks down the budget by my weekly paycheck a month at a time, and the other is for the year, a tab for each month. Naturally, I spent some time this month looking at 2011 as a whole.
The biggest change since I've started these spreadsheets is my attitude. Because I see it as a work in progress instead of a constant struggle to make ends meet, I don't berate myself for going over in a certain area. The red numbers are simply a good starting point to figure out where I can make changes.
I also have let go of any guilt associated with not being able to afford certain things. I view everything differently.
There was a musical I really wanted to take the girls to see, but I could never justify the costs. I thought about it multiple times, but it was never worth it to me. When the girls were seeing their relatives in Northern California, they were taken to see the musical. I was thrilled that they got to see it, and they loved it. And I was even happier that I hadn't broken the budget to take them myself.
Prior to 2011, I would groan about every birthday party invitation the girls received because of the presents I would have to buy. Now, not only is it easier to buy without fearing it will break my budget, I also am much better about only spending what we can afford. Because the girls (and their friends) are older, I'm usually okay with just giving cash. It saves on wrapping, time and effort, and $10 itself may not be very much, but the recipients are thrilled to add it to their stash.
Basically, my definition of "wants" versus "needs" has been sharpened to help us truly live within our means.
Of course, there's still a long way to go. Still credit card debt to be paid down, and my emergency savings is still anemic, but those are goals for 2012. And beyond. I know there will continue to be unexpected costs, and some huge costs in the future (just a couple more years before Sylvia's old enough to drive), but I'm fairly confident that we'll keep getting through it.
The biggest change since I've started these spreadsheets is my attitude. Because I see it as a work in progress instead of a constant struggle to make ends meet, I don't berate myself for going over in a certain area. The red numbers are simply a good starting point to figure out where I can make changes.
I also have let go of any guilt associated with not being able to afford certain things. I view everything differently.
There was a musical I really wanted to take the girls to see, but I could never justify the costs. I thought about it multiple times, but it was never worth it to me. When the girls were seeing their relatives in Northern California, they were taken to see the musical. I was thrilled that they got to see it, and they loved it. And I was even happier that I hadn't broken the budget to take them myself.
Prior to 2011, I would groan about every birthday party invitation the girls received because of the presents I would have to buy. Now, not only is it easier to buy without fearing it will break my budget, I also am much better about only spending what we can afford. Because the girls (and their friends) are older, I'm usually okay with just giving cash. It saves on wrapping, time and effort, and $10 itself may not be very much, but the recipients are thrilled to add it to their stash.
Basically, my definition of "wants" versus "needs" has been sharpened to help us truly live within our means.
Of course, there's still a long way to go. Still credit card debt to be paid down, and my emergency savings is still anemic, but those are goals for 2012. And beyond. I know there will continue to be unexpected costs, and some huge costs in the future (just a couple more years before Sylvia's old enough to drive), but I'm fairly confident that we'll keep getting through it.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Versatile Blogger Award
I'm honored that Mandy from Since My Divorce passed this award on to me. I love her site, and also told my story there.
Now I get to pass this on to 7 bloggers:
Daily Plate of Crazy: Of course, BigLittleWolf is the first to come to mind. This particular award is apt for BLW because one never knows if her daily post will be about single parenting, relationships, the Real Housewives franchise or cooking.
Tara at Thin Spiral Notebook is also versatile. She shares photos, fiction, poetry, and personal stories. I was lucky to find Tara just months into blogging, so I feel like we go way back.
I've already linked a few times to Tina at One Mom's Battle, but I'd be remiss if I didn't also reward her.
Jenn at random thoughts is also a long-time blog friend. She manages school along with full-time single motherhood with such grace.
I've loved getting to know Missy at Far From Flawless. Her tagline "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be great!" says it all, really.
Christina & Lisa at Onely: Single and Happy are wonderful sources of inspiration and education.
And the greatest husband and wife team of bloggers ever: Mike and Heather Spohr at The Spohrs are Multiplying. I never know if I'm going to get a great recipe or be moved to tears or burst into laughter when reading one of their posts. I tend to be nauseated by anniversary posts, but Mike's love letter to his wife was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Gratitude, Schmatitude, Oprahtitudes
"Don't sweat the small stuff."
"Find gratitude in every day."
"Forgiveness will set you free."
Oprahtitudes = cliches and platitudes like those above, generally heard on Oprah, Dr. Phil and the like.
I know I've shared a lot recently about how wonderful my life is, so you might think I'm one of those people that lives by Oprahtitudes. Just the opposite, in fact.
When someone tells me they're trying not to sweat the small stuff, I'm more likely to say, "screw that." When a situation or person is frustrating or annoying, I think it's perfectly okay to be frustrated or annoyed. I know whenever I try to fight those feelings, they fester, I dwell, and then I feel guilty as well as frustrated/annoyed.
I'm a firm believer in venting. I have to get it off my chest, and once I've said it out loud (or okay, said it out loud 3 or 4 times), only then does it lose its power over me.
And some days really do suck. Or at least, the majority of it sucks enough that leaves me saying, "I can't wait for today to be OVER." I know that it will be. I know that the bad day included some moments of laughter, but since every day includes laughter, it diminishes the really good days to say that every day is good. And some days aren't either good or bad, they just are. Not every day can be worth remembering.
Forgiveness is a big one for me, and I finally wrote this post about Oprahtitudes thanks to Tina's post (yes, she's becoming a favorite of mine) about trying to forgive her ex. I loved what she said in her comments:
At this point, I think “accepting” him for who he is will bring the type of healing that I am seeking.
That's where I am. I've accepted X, but I don't spend much energy trying to forgive him anymore. In the same vein as sweating the small stuff, when I've tried before to forgive him, it first makes me like a failure for not being able to forgive, and then, it just pisses me off because he's the one who screwed up, so why is it up to me to be an even bigger person yet again? So my response is again, the oh-so-eloquent, screw that. I have enough to do every day by getting the girls out of bed, getting them to school, getting myself to work, working, picking the girls up, getting them dinner, Sylvia to dance class, dealing with homework and birthday party invites and laundry and groceries and bills (oh my!) and doctor's appointments, glasses, discipline issues...any time left over is my time, thanks, and I'm not going to spend it trying to will myself into forgiveness.
Oprahtitudes are great sound bytes. If you're someone that finds true peace and happiness by not sweating the small stuff and living each day to its fullest, that's awesome, really.
Personally, I'm grateful for any day that doesn't suck. Since that's more often than not lately, that's more than good enough for me.
"Find gratitude in every day."
"Forgiveness will set you free."
Oprahtitudes = cliches and platitudes like those above, generally heard on Oprah, Dr. Phil and the like.
I know I've shared a lot recently about how wonderful my life is, so you might think I'm one of those people that lives by Oprahtitudes. Just the opposite, in fact.
When someone tells me they're trying not to sweat the small stuff, I'm more likely to say, "screw that." When a situation or person is frustrating or annoying, I think it's perfectly okay to be frustrated or annoyed. I know whenever I try to fight those feelings, they fester, I dwell, and then I feel guilty as well as frustrated/annoyed.
I'm a firm believer in venting. I have to get it off my chest, and once I've said it out loud (or okay, said it out loud 3 or 4 times), only then does it lose its power over me.
And some days really do suck. Or at least, the majority of it sucks enough that leaves me saying, "I can't wait for today to be OVER." I know that it will be. I know that the bad day included some moments of laughter, but since every day includes laughter, it diminishes the really good days to say that every day is good. And some days aren't either good or bad, they just are. Not every day can be worth remembering.
Forgiveness is a big one for me, and I finally wrote this post about Oprahtitudes thanks to Tina's post (yes, she's becoming a favorite of mine) about trying to forgive her ex. I loved what she said in her comments:
At this point, I think “accepting” him for who he is will bring the type of healing that I am seeking.
That's where I am. I've accepted X, but I don't spend much energy trying to forgive him anymore. In the same vein as sweating the small stuff, when I've tried before to forgive him, it first makes me like a failure for not being able to forgive, and then, it just pisses me off because he's the one who screwed up, so why is it up to me to be an even bigger person yet again? So my response is again, the oh-so-eloquent, screw that. I have enough to do every day by getting the girls out of bed, getting them to school, getting myself to work, working, picking the girls up, getting them dinner, Sylvia to dance class, dealing with homework and birthday party invites and laundry and groceries and bills (oh my!) and doctor's appointments, glasses, discipline issues...any time left over is my time, thanks, and I'm not going to spend it trying to will myself into forgiveness.
Oprahtitudes are great sound bytes. If you're someone that finds true peace and happiness by not sweating the small stuff and living each day to its fullest, that's awesome, really.
Personally, I'm grateful for any day that doesn't suck. Since that's more often than not lately, that's more than good enough for me.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Balancing Beliefs, a Birthday, and Big Little Wolf
It was X's bday. He's over half a century old, and he spent his birthday behind bars. Riley asked me to confirm, but other than that, it didn't really affect her. Sylvia and I haven't spoken about it. What is there to say? This was just another of many birthdays of incarceration for him.
I really can't remember if he spent last year's in jail, but I'm pretty sure he did. Is it bad that I'm not sure? Since it doesn't impact our daily lives, it's hard to keep track. I focus on the more immediate needs and events of today.
Big Little Wolf (a common source of inspiration, admiration, and aspiration for me) wrote When Beliefs Are Broken. She has been a single mom for many years now, and is going through some life changes: an empty nest now, a new relationship, and she questions whether or not her messy divorce from so many years ago will still impact her relationship today, as she can't quite picture getting married again.
My responses to her questions were far too long and involved to put in a comment. She asked:
Have you had your trust broken? Obviously, yes. There are some TV shows (reality-based and not) that are difficult to watch because they mirror too closely those years of my relationship with X. I see young women (and some not so young) struggle to reconcile who they were with what their life is with this wrong guy. I know that struggle. I had no idea who I was, and that loss of me was why I stayed as long as I did.
Have you been able to put the pieces back together? Yes, and it's a work in progress. The first year was devoted to starting over our lives. The second and third years were spent processing. The fourth and fifth years were a constant back and forth, trying to get over. I think around the 6th year was when I figured out that it's about getting through, and when I went from surviving to thriving.
If you give up certain foundational beliefs, with what do you replace them? Well, first of all, I learned that some beliefs weren't as fundamental as I'd once thought. I realized I'd been conditioned to believe that we all want to find "the one" when really, I'm single at heart. I also found that my real foundations were things I'd lost when I was married, and have regained since. I spent most of my 20s in relationships. My 30s have been about figuring out what's changed about me through compromises because of relationships, and what's changed because I (supposedly) grew up.
Where is the line between self-protection and self-limitation? I don't think we really know the answer to this until we've crossed that line. And very few of us are that good at admitting we're wrong until it's glaringly obvious. I'm not in the chosen few. One of the chapters of Situations Matter talks about this in detail; no one can really know themselves completely. Each situation, each choice continues to shape us.
While I maintain that the divorce itself was not my fault, the confluence of external situations and internal struggles created the perfect conditions for me to enter an imperfect union of marriage. X alone didn't cause me to not believe in myself, but he expertly exploited my inner doubts for his self-interest.
It felt appropriate to answer these questions on the anniversary of X's birth, because no doubt, his life changed mine forever and made these questions applicable to me. But one thing I know for sure? If he hadn't, someone(s) would have. I don't think I could have figured out my real foundation without having stretched it beyond my limitations.
I really can't remember if he spent last year's in jail, but I'm pretty sure he did. Is it bad that I'm not sure? Since it doesn't impact our daily lives, it's hard to keep track. I focus on the more immediate needs and events of today.
Big Little Wolf (a common source of inspiration, admiration, and aspiration for me) wrote When Beliefs Are Broken. She has been a single mom for many years now, and is going through some life changes: an empty nest now, a new relationship, and she questions whether or not her messy divorce from so many years ago will still impact her relationship today, as she can't quite picture getting married again.
My responses to her questions were far too long and involved to put in a comment. She asked:
Have you had your trust broken? Obviously, yes. There are some TV shows (reality-based and not) that are difficult to watch because they mirror too closely those years of my relationship with X. I see young women (and some not so young) struggle to reconcile who they were with what their life is with this wrong guy. I know that struggle. I had no idea who I was, and that loss of me was why I stayed as long as I did.
Have you been able to put the pieces back together? Yes, and it's a work in progress. The first year was devoted to starting over our lives. The second and third years were spent processing. The fourth and fifth years were a constant back and forth, trying to get over. I think around the 6th year was when I figured out that it's about getting through, and when I went from surviving to thriving.
If you give up certain foundational beliefs, with what do you replace them? Well, first of all, I learned that some beliefs weren't as fundamental as I'd once thought. I realized I'd been conditioned to believe that we all want to find "the one" when really, I'm single at heart. I also found that my real foundations were things I'd lost when I was married, and have regained since. I spent most of my 20s in relationships. My 30s have been about figuring out what's changed about me through compromises because of relationships, and what's changed because I (supposedly) grew up.
Where is the line between self-protection and self-limitation? I don't think we really know the answer to this until we've crossed that line. And very few of us are that good at admitting we're wrong until it's glaringly obvious. I'm not in the chosen few. One of the chapters of Situations Matter talks about this in detail; no one can really know themselves completely. Each situation, each choice continues to shape us.
While I maintain that the divorce itself was not my fault, the confluence of external situations and internal struggles created the perfect conditions for me to enter an imperfect union of marriage. X alone didn't cause me to not believe in myself, but he expertly exploited my inner doubts for his self-interest.
It felt appropriate to answer these questions on the anniversary of X's birth, because no doubt, his life changed mine forever and made these questions applicable to me. But one thing I know for sure? If he hadn't, someone(s) would have. I don't think I could have figured out my real foundation without having stretched it beyond my limitations.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Musicals in My Mind
First, the ubiquitous, gee, sorry I haven't been around disclosure. Last week, the girls were out of town visiting X's family (not X; their aunts, etc.), and I took a week off from being a responsible adult. Now, the girls are back in school and I'm back at work and all the craziness that comes with it. Nothing deep or meaningful on my mind. Just musicals, it turns out.
Since I work in real estate, my weekdays consist of addresses, cities, states, and my brain (of its own volition) is coming up with ways to remember my outstanding projects.
I was working on something in Arcadia, and in my mind, Arcadia was sung, as in "Aquarius" from Hair.
When I switched to a property in Pennsylvania, my mind sang, Transylvania (as sung by Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show's "Sweet Transvestite").
Culver City became "Everything's Up to Date inKansas Culver City" from Oklahoma!
I'm not even trying to make these connections, they just happen. Who knew real estate and Broadway musicals went so well together? My obsessed mind, apparently.
Since I work in real estate, my weekdays consist of addresses, cities, states, and my brain (of its own volition) is coming up with ways to remember my outstanding projects.
I was working on something in Arcadia, and in my mind, Arcadia was sung, as in "Aquarius" from Hair.
When I switched to a property in Pennsylvania, my mind sang, Transylvania (as sung by Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show's "Sweet Transvestite").
Culver City became "Everything's Up to Date in
I'm not even trying to make these connections, they just happen. Who knew real estate and Broadway musicals went so well together? My obsessed mind, apparently.
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