I was a lady who lunches for a day

After a work function off-site, one of the VPs announced we needed lunch. She picked the place, a 5-star "quaint" French restaurant in a high-end neighborhood. I, of course, had never heard of it, but the VP said many order picnics from there to take to the Hollywood Bowl. She hadn't ever been there, either, but she'd enjoyed such picnics before.

We noticed that this was definitely a place for "ladies who lunch." There was a table next to us outside on the patio with about 7 women, all dressed to the nines, enjoying champagne and laughter with their meal. Almost all of the tables were full of such women. I suppose we looked like we were like them - except our dress was more SFW than sundresses.

We marveled at the amount of women who fit this bill. It wasn't a criticism or judgment of them, mind you, it was just an observation that, even in this economy, there seem to be plenty of women who can enjoy this lifestyle.

Later, I was talking to my mom about my day, and was about to tell her our observations. I'd just gotten the name of the restaurant out, and my mother exclaimed, "I've been there! I love that place! I go there with my girlfriends and we drink mimosas."

Who knew I was related to a lady who lunches?

Weekend Wrap-Up: mixing work and family

This week was less eventful - and that's a good thing! Work continues to keep my very busy during the day. I always have over 1,000 posts in my Reader these days, but thanks to the guest post by Molly on Florinda's blog, I now have a much more organized way of dealing with them. Feedly has become my new best friend. Although I confess, I didn't really delete any blogs. Rather, I added some in order to get to know the Yahoo! Mother Board members that I'll be meeting very, very soon. (So excited!)

Saturday, we spent the evening at my boss's house for our summer get-together. We all had so much fun! This is how I know we work somewhere very special; we're all so pleased to spend time together even outside of our workweek! The kids especially all had a good time swimming together. He has a beautiful backyard, and a beautiful pool, complete with a water slide. Of course the kids had fun, right? Excellent food, excellent wine, great company...no complaints whatsoever.

Except that it was actually drizzling when we got there! I have no idea what's happening here in SoCal. May Grey and June Gloom are quite common, but we're going to have to come up with some catch-phrase for rain in July if this keeps up! It's not really a complaint, mind you, just confusing.

That reminds me: there was an earthquake this week, too. It was a fun, rolling one. It seemed to last quite a while, but not long enough for my colleague and I to interrupt our conference call. The girls didn't even feel it where they were.

Sylvia had another audition Sunday morning. Riley spent the night at my parents' since we had to be up and in Orange County quite early. I was glad when they kicked all the parents out and told us to come back in 2 hours. Thanks to my GPS, I found the nearest Starbucks and actually had 2 hours to myself to read! (Book posts coming soon.) What was also nice was when we returned, they let us see the kids do the dance combination they'd learned. Sylvia did very well. We have no idea if she got it or not, but aren't really thinking about it. We mainly went so she could get more auditioning experience under her belt.

Now we're all just chillin' at home, enjoying the free time left in our weekend.

The girls will be seeing their dad soon (if he remains free, that is), and are excited about that. They're also excited to see their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I will be nearby, but hopefully, not needed. I'm not stressing...yet.

Right now, I'm just trying to enjoy the fact that I feel like me again; not too overwhelmed, just the right amount!

Budgeting Bites

So I am just a few weeks away from writing my last summer child care check - YAY!!

I've been thinking - some might say obsessing - about these costs for most of this year. I started a budgeting plan back in November, I think; originally to get me through our vacation in NYC, and then in anticipation of the summer months. Yet the stops and starts to this plan have come with nearly every paycheck.

First, there was finding the right budgeting tools. I had been trying something online, in order to be able to access the same info from both home and work, but after it lost my info twice, I said, screw it. I'm going back to good old fashioned Excel spreadsheets.

I crunched the numbers, and started tallying my expenses through the categories. I decreased some expenses, and even made sure to include a savings budget. Yet, every month it seems, something happens to derail all my planning.

There were choir fees and fundraisers, new clothes desperately needed (no, not for fashion's sake - simply for Sylvia to have pants that fit, or Riley's shoes with broken soles that needed replacing), car issues, unexpected gifts to buy, and oh sure, sometimes the complete breakdown of discipline and tickets to In the Heights to be purchased. (Did you watch the results episode of So You Think You Can Dance this week? The cast of In the Heights that we saw at the Pantages last week was on!!)

And just as I'm reaching the end of paying for summer care, I just remembered that I need to start setting aside funds for Riley's 5th grade science camp this fall.

I can't say that I regret a dime of what I've spent. From that magical night at the Pantages, to the wonderful memories Riley will have of her camping trip, to the value that Sylvia is getting out of her dance classes this summer...really, the financial costs seem so little for what we all get in return.

Still, budgeting bites.

Since My Divorce

I started reading Since My Divorce a few months ago and I loved the idea of acknowledging that for many of us, our lives are improved because of divorce. The site profiles the how and why and what happened next.

Today, she begins her series on my story.

Reconnecting

So a click here, a click there, next thing I know, it's half past midnight and I've spent over an hour reading my old posts. I went back to the beginning of this blog and read at least the first 100, and remembered a few things about how I like to parent.

I thought it would all seem so out-dated. They were 7 and 10 when I first started. Even I can't believe how much has changed in almost 3 years, but what's more important is I remembered what should be the same.

I talked so much about listening back then. I talked so much about taking the time-outs for myself, to talk after a battle and find the underlying issue. I haven't done that in a while.

I've assumed that I know what their problems are. I've assumed that Sylvia's just being a teenager (just a few months early), that Riley's just reacting. I've assumed that the biggest problem is that they have to share a bedroom, and have been feeling appropriately guilty and self-loathing about that. I think there's more to it than that.

Just taking that step back tonight has made me think of one issue that I hadn't previously thought about. All I've heard is their excitement about seeing their dad soon. It's just now hit me that they're probably anxious about it, too. They may not be talking about it, may not even be conscious of it, but it's probably there.

And, hey, there's just been a lot going on lately. From Sylvia's play to her new dance class to the friendship drama to family reunions and simply not a lot of down time. It's a lot. It's been a lot for me. It's got to be multiplied for them.

Even Monday, when they got back from spending the night at my parents' house, they both just disappeared into their room and vegged for a while. I thought: great! But clearly, they were in need of some down time.

I need to figure out how to get some alone-time with Sylvia. Riley will straight out tell me when she needs to talk to me alone, but Sylvia doesn't. I need to take that first step. I need to create some sort of Date Night - or just even go into my room and close the door - and let her know I'm still here to just listen.

I'm tired enough to go to bed now. I think I just might wake up more refreshed than I have in a while.

Weekend Wrap-Up: a little excitment, a little freedom

Friday night, our holiday weekend started with In the Heights at the Pantages. Granted, we saw this on Broadway, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see Tony-award winner Lin-Manuel Miranda reprising his original role. Now, we loved the Broadway production, and it was chock-full of amazing performances, but Miranda was so worth seeing it again! He has that "it" factor where the performance comes from passion beautifully mixed with talent that just makes you feel like you're soaring. Not to mention, it's an amazing musical!

Sylvia was most definitely soaring after the show when we went to the stage door and Miranda talked to her. She told him she was about to be in her first community theatre production, he wished her luck, even sang a few bars from the show! She was flying!

Saturday was kind of a lost day. I can't say I did much of value, starting with sleeping in until about 10! Been a long time since I've done that. The girls were also sleepy, considering we didn't get home from the show 'til midnight or so. I didn't feel much like getting dressed, let alone doing laundry, so I didn't.

On Sunday, we went to my parents' house for a Fourth of July meal and Sylvia suggested the girls spend the night there. Fabulous! Had enough energy to get the shopping done, do laundry, and then just enjoy some peace and quiet at home.

The girls have been home for an hour, and so far, so good. I've decided to enable a little more negative thinking when it comes to parenting. Just a good hour is worth enjoying for all its worth!

I haven't posted Parentella links lately, so I'll leave you with these. Another post inspired by the book Girl in Translation, a bit of a rant on the bureaucracy involved in education, and my rationalization on why I don't always choose education as our top priority.

Better than Before

Thank you for your thoughtful and supportive comments and emails. It always helps to know we're not completely alone in this. I'm doing a little better, but I still have a long way to go.

I know I've given some of the same advice that I was given; don't be so hard on yourself, it's okay to cry, we're not perfect. I totally agree with all that, but I still feel like there has to be more that I can do just a little bit better. Except, as one person told me, sometimes you're so stuck in survival mode, you just give up on the idea of being able to ever do more, be better. And most days, that doesn't bother me. But right now, it still does.

I'm not an emotional wreck anymore, just kind of stuck in neutral, hoping that something jolts me out of it.

I don't want to sound like the girls have been total terrors. We have had our share of laughs and smiles and hugs through all this. Sylvia is thrilled she was cast, and she also started dance classes last night, which she really liked and we both think will be really good for her. Riley is still the cutest and wisest 9-year-old I know, and her hugs are the most delicious moments of my days. It's not that I love them any less. It's just that I'm feeling inadequate for them and I don't know how to improve right now and I hate that. Because they deserve the absolute best.

But I know I won't be able to figure this out until I start feeling stronger. I need a little sleep, I need a few more laughs, and probably a little escapism to get there.

Tomorrow night, I'm taking the girls to see In the Heights at the Pantages and I'm really looking forward to that. And the money situation is a tiny bit better this week than it was three weeks ago so that's a good thing. And I'm very excited about the Yahoo! Mother Board summit coming up.

I was looking forward to the 3-day weekend, but since my work life is going better than my home life, I'm kinda scared now! Worse comes to worse, I'll start counting the hours until it's time to go back to work.

Oh! One more thing to look forward to: my parents will be taking the girls on vacation for a week so I will get a break.

So that's how I'm getting through my days right now. One minute at a time. Whatever works.