And so it's been.
While I appreciate everyone's supportive comments, I have to shake my head a little at being called "strong" or "inspiring" or some of the other lavish compliments you've bestowed me. I think of Karen MEG and her strength to have her two children. I think of Kori and her four children and her devotion so strong that she's attending parenting classes to be the best mom she can be. I think of Tara and the amazing children she's raised into beautiful and strong young adults. I think of Taylor's family, counting the days she's been in and out of the hospital this past year. I think of OhMommy, baking with her youngest and always finding creative, thoughtful and loving answers to her children's many questions. I think of all of you - all of us - and how we all get up every day and do what we can to bring ourselves and our families that much closer to being the best that all of us can be.
I wonder all the time how Sylvia and Riley will turn out. Quite honestly, sometimes their behavior truly shocks me and I realize that I have no idea what I'm doing. And then I see them holding hands and interested in each other's lives and I know I'm doing just fine.
This year, as Sylvia filled out her teachers' questionnaires and forms, she deliberately X'd out any questions pertaining to her father. When I asked her how she felt about that, she told me (in that "duh" voice), "bad." And it is bad. But I have to admit, I feel like it's good progress. While she still wants to share her news with her dad, and I encourage that, it tells me that she knows that I'm the one that handles all the parental duties of actually raising her.
One time, she asked me if it was okay with me that she still loved her daddy. I told her, of course it is. I want her to love him.
I just fear that he will let her down as much as he's let me down. And he has. And as much as my heart breaks for her, I try to find some sort of sense out of it.
She's learning to accept someone, and even love him, for who he is. And I tell you, she's handled her disappointments in him way better than I ever did.
Riley is most likely growing up faster than she should. She worries about me more than she should. She knows I'm it, and it sometimes scares her. But again, I have to find the positives in it. Her empathy is strong, and her heart is good. She's harder on herself than she should be, but we're working on that. When she does something wrong, I have to remind her that we all mess up sometimes. And sometimes, we just have to put the past behind us.
I know we're making the best that we can out of the situation. And this reflection has been amazing for me to see how far we've come.
Neither of them ever threaten to go "live with Daddy" anymore. Sylvia tells me when she misses her dad, like she did the other day. She heard some music in her music class that made her think of him, and she cried some. And while that hurts, I'm also encouraged by the fact that she told me that of her own volition. And then we moved on.
While I do find it necessary to always be mindful of whatever the next bad thing can be, I am also mindful of how good we have it.
And I have to admit, I look forward to seeing what the next 5 years will bring us.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Xummer
This past summer, I emailed X's sister to see if a trip up north could be arranged. The girls hadn't seen X's family in about a year, and I thought it would be fun for them. X talked to me briefly about it, but I'd long learned that he could not be the one in charge of these things. He'd wanted the girls to fly by themselves, and even if they could, there was no way I'd let them. Call me overprotective, but I just don't think they're ready for that yet. Then he wanted to take them on an overnight train ride, something else I just wasn't comfortable allowing. Particularly with X as their traveling companion.
So I waited and heard nothing. X's sister made a comment about talking to X in an email. Finally, we spoke on the phone and I learned that X had told her that he was arranging anything. Which meant, of course, that nothing had been arranged. I had told the girls that we had been talking, but nothing was definite. After learning that X had "taken charge," I told them it wouldn't be happening.
My parents, feeling bad for the girls, invited them to join them for one of their vacations down near San Diego.
A few days later, X's sisters called me. Another family member would by flying up north, and would I allow the girls to fly with him, and then fly up to pick them up. I told them that so long as they were in charge of the trip, it was okay with me.
The girls were thrilled, of course, and to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to a few days off. We'd recently moved, and I wanted some time to be home without the girls.
The girls went up and for the most part, it went fine. I was a little annoyed that the girls spent every night with X (he did nothing to make the trip happen, and yet reaped the benefits), but whatever, right?
What did anger me, however, was when I picked up the girls, they had something from X for me. X had given Sylvia four hundred dollars - in cash - to give to me. Setting aside the wisdom of giving a 10-year-old that kind of money, I was more annoyed because it was a way for X to tell the girls that he did pay what he owed me. Of course, that's the only money I've received from him in a year. It's what he owes me in child support for one month.
Sylvia wanted me to be all happy about it, and of course, it was nice, but after she brought it up the third time, I had to explain that it merely paid for that month. Not all the months past, and not all the months to come. She hasn't mentioned it since.
When Sylvia made the cheerleading squad a few weeks ago, she called X to see if he could help with the cost of the uniform. He hasn't come through with the money and he hasn't called since. Part of me wants to call him and let him know that none of us have been holding our breath, but it's just not worth it.
He did talk to me that last time, oddly enough, to tell me a story of when the girls had been up there. The girls had been calling him "dude" (no, no idea where that came from *cough*). Well, Riley changed it to calling him "dud." When X explained that a dud is when something doesn't work, Riley said, "like you, Daddy." That's my Riley. She calls it like she sees it. The odd part was that he was laughing about it. whatever, dud.
So I waited and heard nothing. X's sister made a comment about talking to X in an email. Finally, we spoke on the phone and I learned that X had told her that he was arranging anything. Which meant, of course, that nothing had been arranged. I had told the girls that we had been talking, but nothing was definite. After learning that X had "taken charge," I told them it wouldn't be happening.
My parents, feeling bad for the girls, invited them to join them for one of their vacations down near San Diego.
A few days later, X's sisters called me. Another family member would by flying up north, and would I allow the girls to fly with him, and then fly up to pick them up. I told them that so long as they were in charge of the trip, it was okay with me.
The girls were thrilled, of course, and to be honest, I was kind of looking forward to a few days off. We'd recently moved, and I wanted some time to be home without the girls.
The girls went up and for the most part, it went fine. I was a little annoyed that the girls spent every night with X (he did nothing to make the trip happen, and yet reaped the benefits), but whatever, right?
What did anger me, however, was when I picked up the girls, they had something from X for me. X had given Sylvia four hundred dollars - in cash - to give to me. Setting aside the wisdom of giving a 10-year-old that kind of money, I was more annoyed because it was a way for X to tell the girls that he did pay what he owed me. Of course, that's the only money I've received from him in a year. It's what he owes me in child support for one month.
Sylvia wanted me to be all happy about it, and of course, it was nice, but after she brought it up the third time, I had to explain that it merely paid for that month. Not all the months past, and not all the months to come. She hasn't mentioned it since.
When Sylvia made the cheerleading squad a few weeks ago, she called X to see if he could help with the cost of the uniform. He hasn't come through with the money and he hasn't called since. Part of me wants to call him and let him know that none of us have been holding our breath, but it's just not worth it.
He did talk to me that last time, oddly enough, to tell me a story of when the girls had been up there. The girls had been calling him "dude" (no, no idea where that came from *cough*). Well, Riley changed it to calling him "dud." When X explained that a dud is when something doesn't work, Riley said, "like you, Daddy." That's my Riley. She calls it like she sees it. The odd part was that he was laughing about it. whatever, dud.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Weekend Wrap-Up
We're enjoying a nice, relatively quiet weekend before the madness of October truly begins. Next weekend, we're going miniature golfing with my parents for Riley's birthday, plus the No on 8 campaign party. The weekend after that, we'll be going down to my sister's to celebrate her and her son's bday. The weekend after that, we're going to Disneyland for the girls' birthdays with some family members and then my sister and I have our luncheon cruise. The weekend after that is Halloween, Sylvia's birthday, going to the movies, and roller skating.
I decided not to have a bday party for the girls this year, and I am so thrilled with that decision. With the girls just starting new schools, it would be difficult to know which friends might attend, plus their age difference is starting to become more transparent as Sylvia edges closer to adolescence while Riley remains most definitely a kid.
This last week, I got to meet Florinda! (Sorry, Mom & Dad, if you're reading this. I went w/ a blogger, not a colleague. Just didn't think you'd get it.) She's the first blogger I've met IRL.
Florinda and I both wanted to see 9 to 5, the Musical so we went on Tuesday night. We had such a great time. She's exactly like I thought she'd be - thoughtful, funny, sweet...a great companion.
Kori was definitely jealous that I was meeting another blogger before her, so on a whim, I called her (for the first time) on my way to the theatre. After I got over how girly she sounded :), and she got over my supposed accent (which does not exist), it was like talking to an old friend. No awkward pauses, no lack of things to say...I just really really hope we're able to meet at BlogHer '09 next year.
And at the theatre, we had a great time. The show was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, Florinda had a long drive ahead of her so she couldn't stay to meet Stephanie after the show. (Stephanie and I did a show together eons ago.) She was amazing in the show, and her 2nd act torch song gave us chills. She was just as sweet as always, and we had a great time catching up. I hope the show does well enough to garner her another Tony nomination. (The others were phenomenal as well. Allison Janney was SO funny, and Megan Hilty was awesome!) And there's something so cool about seeing three women take that final bow. It's a fun night out.
Otherwise, most of my week was spent talking politics, working, mothering, blah blah blah. Oh, and I won a bet with RadDude. He bet that Palin would have a "family emergency" that would prevent her from doing the debate. I knew she'd exceed the oh-so-low expectations. (BTW, I loved everyone's comments to my debate posting. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts and opinions.)
The X Chronicles are nearly complete. Just two more postings, I think. I really appreciate everyone's supportive comments to that as well, and for taking the time to read it. It's been cathartic, to say the very least.
I decided not to have a bday party for the girls this year, and I am so thrilled with that decision. With the girls just starting new schools, it would be difficult to know which friends might attend, plus their age difference is starting to become more transparent as Sylvia edges closer to adolescence while Riley remains most definitely a kid.
This last week, I got to meet Florinda! (Sorry, Mom & Dad, if you're reading this. I went w/ a blogger, not a colleague. Just didn't think you'd get it.) She's the first blogger I've met IRL.
Florinda and I both wanted to see 9 to 5, the Musical so we went on Tuesday night. We had such a great time. She's exactly like I thought she'd be - thoughtful, funny, sweet...a great companion.
Kori was definitely jealous that I was meeting another blogger before her, so on a whim, I called her (for the first time) on my way to the theatre. After I got over how girly she sounded :), and she got over my supposed accent (which does not exist), it was like talking to an old friend. No awkward pauses, no lack of things to say...I just really really hope we're able to meet at BlogHer '09 next year.
And at the theatre, we had a great time. The show was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, Florinda had a long drive ahead of her so she couldn't stay to meet Stephanie after the show. (Stephanie and I did a show together eons ago.) She was amazing in the show, and her 2nd act torch song gave us chills. She was just as sweet as always, and we had a great time catching up. I hope the show does well enough to garner her another Tony nomination. (The others were phenomenal as well. Allison Janney was SO funny, and Megan Hilty was awesome!) And there's something so cool about seeing three women take that final bow. It's a fun night out.
Otherwise, most of my week was spent talking politics, working, mothering, blah blah blah. Oh, and I won a bet with RadDude. He bet that Palin would have a "family emergency" that would prevent her from doing the debate. I knew she'd exceed the oh-so-low expectations. (BTW, I loved everyone's comments to my debate posting. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts and opinions.)
The X Chronicles are nearly complete. Just two more postings, I think. I really appreciate everyone's supportive comments to that as well, and for taking the time to read it. It's been cathartic, to say the very least.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Xmas Vacation
Things ended up being okay for a while after that. I laid down the law - if X wanted to see the girls, then he had to figure it out. He had to either meet the conditions of his visitation, or come up with an alternative that I could agree to that didn't involve me. Of course, he could do neither of those things. Instead, he moved back to Northern California.
In the meantime, I was reading up on middle schools, and decided Sylvia would need something better than our local neighborhood middle school had to offer. This led to me finding KIPP, and we moved to the condo.
Throughout the years, the girls went up to see their family in northern California a few other times. Once, my parents drove them up on their way to Napa Valley, and then picked them up. A couple of times, I flew up with them and then turned around and flew right back to L.A. The girls loved seeing their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins that live up there. Last summer, we went on a family vacation to San Francisco and Santa Cruz, and then I dropped them off at their aunt's, and flew back a few days later to pick them up. Most of the time, X would be up there, but X's sisters were in charge. Last summer, when I dropped them off, X was living down here, and was two days late in getting up there to see them.
The girls were starting to understand that X was not someone that could be counted on. They tended to believe his excuses, and I just tried not to point out that I managed to get them from school/after school care every day on time.
The girls would usually make their NorCal trips in either summer, Thanksgiving, or during their winter holiday vacation (while always being home with me for Xmas).
Last December, they were to go up north after Xmas, and spend New Year's with X's family. I was really looking forward to the break. And the girls were looking forward to the visit.
X's sister bought the plane tickets for X to do the flying this time. I was apprehensive about that, but went along with it. The flight was only 45 minutes, after all.
A couple of weeks before the trip was scheduled, I noticed that X hadn't called the girls in a while. Sure enough, I got a call from X's sister that he'd disappeared. He'd taken his mother's car, maxed out her ATM card, and was gone. Given the circumstances, we felt it best to cancel the trip.
I sat the girls down, and Sylvia just seemed mostly relieved that he wasn't in jail, was worried about him being "missing," but didn't really want to talk about it. The whole episode was done in about 10 minutes. I thought, hey, this is getting easier.
X's sister felt so bad about the whole thing, she decided to surprise her own children with an impromptu trip out here, and they spent a day with the girls. All of us had dinner, and they told me about the time X was 2 days late that Sylvia looked for her dad every time the door opened.
After Xmas, the girls went down to my sister's for a few days so I could still get a break. They spent the rest of their holidays with my parents while I worked, and with me.
The day that KIPP started up again, I got a call from the principal. Sylvia had taken one look at him and burst out in tears. She cried for about a half hour straight as she tried to tell him the story. (I'd emailed him and her teachers about what had happened over the break, at her request. She'd been so excited and telling everyone before the break. She didn't want anyone to ask her how it went when she returned.)
She'd been holding all these feelings in for a good month. She didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it (which hurt) or my family, but I was grateful that there was at least someone in her life that she felt she could talk to about it. He set it up for her to meet with the school therapist once a week, and he was also really great with me. He didn't place any blame on me, didn't try to make me feel bad. He just used the KIPP motto: there was a problem, let's find a solution.
It's the main reason I fought for him so hard at the end of the school year. He'd been there for Sylvia. He was the first school official that didn't make me feel like this was all my fault, or that we were just a problem family. He didn't seem phased by it at all, actually. He just did what he could to help and support us. (He remains a treasured family friend.)
The X Chronicles are nearly coming to a close. One more incident to speak of, and then I'll try to sum it all up to see if all even means anything.
PS, X ended up showing up again back at his mom's house. He remains living there to this day.
In the meantime, I was reading up on middle schools, and decided Sylvia would need something better than our local neighborhood middle school had to offer. This led to me finding KIPP, and we moved to the condo.
Throughout the years, the girls went up to see their family in northern California a few other times. Once, my parents drove them up on their way to Napa Valley, and then picked them up. A couple of times, I flew up with them and then turned around and flew right back to L.A. The girls loved seeing their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins that live up there. Last summer, we went on a family vacation to San Francisco and Santa Cruz, and then I dropped them off at their aunt's, and flew back a few days later to pick them up. Most of the time, X would be up there, but X's sisters were in charge. Last summer, when I dropped them off, X was living down here, and was two days late in getting up there to see them.
The girls were starting to understand that X was not someone that could be counted on. They tended to believe his excuses, and I just tried not to point out that I managed to get them from school/after school care every day on time.
The girls would usually make their NorCal trips in either summer, Thanksgiving, or during their winter holiday vacation (while always being home with me for Xmas).
Last December, they were to go up north after Xmas, and spend New Year's with X's family. I was really looking forward to the break. And the girls were looking forward to the visit.
X's sister bought the plane tickets for X to do the flying this time. I was apprehensive about that, but went along with it. The flight was only 45 minutes, after all.
A couple of weeks before the trip was scheduled, I noticed that X hadn't called the girls in a while. Sure enough, I got a call from X's sister that he'd disappeared. He'd taken his mother's car, maxed out her ATM card, and was gone. Given the circumstances, we felt it best to cancel the trip.
I sat the girls down, and Sylvia just seemed mostly relieved that he wasn't in jail, was worried about him being "missing," but didn't really want to talk about it. The whole episode was done in about 10 minutes. I thought, hey, this is getting easier.
X's sister felt so bad about the whole thing, she decided to surprise her own children with an impromptu trip out here, and they spent a day with the girls. All of us had dinner, and they told me about the time X was 2 days late that Sylvia looked for her dad every time the door opened.
After Xmas, the girls went down to my sister's for a few days so I could still get a break. They spent the rest of their holidays with my parents while I worked, and with me.
The day that KIPP started up again, I got a call from the principal. Sylvia had taken one look at him and burst out in tears. She cried for about a half hour straight as she tried to tell him the story. (I'd emailed him and her teachers about what had happened over the break, at her request. She'd been so excited and telling everyone before the break. She didn't want anyone to ask her how it went when she returned.)
She'd been holding all these feelings in for a good month. She didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it (which hurt) or my family, but I was grateful that there was at least someone in her life that she felt she could talk to about it. He set it up for her to meet with the school therapist once a week, and he was also really great with me. He didn't place any blame on me, didn't try to make me feel bad. He just used the KIPP motto: there was a problem, let's find a solution.
It's the main reason I fought for him so hard at the end of the school year. He'd been there for Sylvia. He was the first school official that didn't make me feel like this was all my fault, or that we were just a problem family. He didn't seem phased by it at all, actually. He just did what he could to help and support us. (He remains a treasured family friend.)
The X Chronicles are nearly coming to a close. One more incident to speak of, and then I'll try to sum it all up to see if all even means anything.
PS, X ended up showing up again back at his mom's house. He remains living there to this day.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Live(ish) Blogging
I'm interrupting the X Chronicles again because I have this brilliant/stupid idea. I've been dreading watching the debate for most of the day because I think that Palin's going to be claimed the winner if she can stay upright, and that Biden will say something stupid, or be called a bully.
*Any Palin-lovers or those who believe Obama's a Muslim - leave NOW*
So last week I had a brilliant time watching the debate as I went to an Obama debate party (and I'm fairly certain Dermot Mulrooney was sitting next to me). I had a drink, we laughed together, yelled at the TV together, applauded Obama together ("I have a bracelet, too" - classic), but then made a mad dash for the theatre.
Tonight, my parents are in Canada so I had to do the mom thing and wait until after dinner, homework, blah blah blah and my girls are now in bed. But the thought of yelling at the TV alone while drinking my Smirnoff Ice (shut up - I'm saving my Ketel One) was making me cringe.
So I had this brilliant/stupid idea to write instead of yell. I may also take little breaks for updates (happy bday sis!), and this won't go up until I'm done watching so it's not truly a live blog, but since I'm watching the debate 3 1/2 hours later, there's really no sense in trying to be "live" about it.
Before I start (because *sigh* Sylvia's tooth is hurting and she's getting herself an ice pack so I can't start the debate yet), let me just ponder - why do the same people who believe that Wright and Obama are working together to hate America also believe that Obama's a Muslim? Isn't that a contradiction right there?!?
Oh, and I'm very excited that next weekend, we're going to a No on 8 campaign party. I've already given $$, but I'll prob'ly shell out at least another $20. And have you donated? I'd be eternally grateful! Even $5 would make me love you...
Okay, I'm starting. BTW, I also think she's going to compare governing to parenting.
This guy on CNN described Palin as being "one 72-year-old's heartbeat away from being the commander-in-chief." That frightens me.
"Can I call you Joe?" He should've said, "I prefer Mark." Just to mess with her.
"A pleasure to meet you." Wow. They've never met?!?
Does anyone really know what "middle-class" means anymore? I had a professor say it used to mean you could survive a year without a job. Anyone who can do that is not what I think of when I think middle-class.
I was interrupted - Sylvia's tooth came out.
"go to a kid's soccer game..." of course!! I knew she'd bring that out. Although, I'm surprised that she said soccer, and not hockey.
Yes, we are all afraid. Thanks Bush.
2 years ago, McCain FAILED as a LEADER (Fannie/Freddie). Oh yeah. When McCain went back to Washington, the deal fell apart.
The American workforce is not strong when we have the highest unemployment rate in 7 years.
New energy from McCain? 72. Years. Old.
"Darn right." Yeah, that's folksy. JOe 6-pack? Really? Depends on what kind of 6-pack we're talking.
Exactly, Joe! People are going into debt because they can't afford their groceries! We're not in debt for FUN. Most bankruptcies occur because of divorce, job loss and medical issues. Not because we're supporting TWELVE houses.
Tax relief. Yep. When we're in a deficit CRISIS. You can't cut taxes in these circumstances. I'm sorry, but you just can't. We're giving China the keys to the country.
Oh, wonderful. She's just going to say her campaign speech and ignore the questions. That's how a debate's suposed to work, right?
So far, Biden's doing okay. I'm nervous to actually type that, but so far, so good.
"Re-distribution of wealth?!?" If they make $250k a year, I think they can handle it.
Hmmm. What I remember from the Obama/Clinton debates is that Obama's health plan is NOT mandated. That was about 95% of the differences between the two.
Yep. A $5,000 tax credit doesn't really help me w/ my health insurance. Like a $4,000 voucher doesn't help me pay for a $12,000 tuition under NCLB.
Okay, Biden, I get what you're saying, but you're not answering the question about what changes w/ the bail-out plan. I mean, i know you don't know yet, but still...you have to address this better than you are.
Oh, yeah. McCain doesn't flip-flop. I do NOT recognize this guy from as little as 4 years ago.
But you see? McCain should've KNOWN that bankruptcy law changes came from the companies that were losing money because they had loans that never should've been granted!
Okay, they're talking about bankruptcy and she won't even talk about it. She's talking about energy now. She's just refusing to answer certain things. Perfect. Another VP who won't listen to anyone. We need another one of those. (110 days...)
Hey, does Palin have a gay friend/family member?
I seriously can't believe that they're still talking about marriage between a man and a woman. Really?
Wow. She really lost her place when Biden called McCain out for voting "against the troops."
Did she just say "nuculer?" Oh, boy. Yep. She just said it again.
I'm so tired of this whole, Obama would sit down with the leaders without pre-conditions.
OMG, she just sounded EXACTLY like Bush. EXACTLY. Hah. She even talked about how it's "hard work."
LOL - Palin doesn't even know how to deal with the Israeli question!
Sometimes, I just stop and go, "OMG - even SHE can't believe she's there!"
Okay, I'm getting a little bored right now.
I'm going to break this up with a few pics.
Wow. Biden is the FIRST person to mention education.
Wow again. She just refuses to talk about certain subjects that she doesn't like.
Oh, scary. Her presiding over the Senate. just friggin' scary.
Okay, I admit it. the say it isn't so, Joe line was good.
Okay, thanks, Joe, for talking about single parents.
Oh, he made me tear up.
Good for you, Biden! Good for you for calling out the maverick idea.
Palin, I don't buy you as a bipartisan for one. single. moment.
Well, she stayed upright. And I think Biden did a great job from not "attacking" Palin.
Good night all.
*Any Palin-lovers or those who believe Obama's a Muslim - leave NOW*
So last week I had a brilliant time watching the debate as I went to an Obama debate party (and I'm fairly certain Dermot Mulrooney was sitting next to me). I had a drink, we laughed together, yelled at the TV together, applauded Obama together ("I have a bracelet, too" - classic), but then made a mad dash for the theatre.
Tonight, my parents are in Canada so I had to do the mom thing and wait until after dinner, homework, blah blah blah and my girls are now in bed. But the thought of yelling at the TV alone while drinking my Smirnoff Ice (shut up - I'm saving my Ketel One) was making me cringe.
So I had this brilliant/stupid idea to write instead of yell. I may also take little breaks for updates (happy bday sis!), and this won't go up until I'm done watching so it's not truly a live blog, but since I'm watching the debate 3 1/2 hours later, there's really no sense in trying to be "live" about it.
Before I start (because *sigh* Sylvia's tooth is hurting and she's getting herself an ice pack so I can't start the debate yet), let me just ponder - why do the same people who believe that Wright and Obama are working together to hate America also believe that Obama's a Muslim? Isn't that a contradiction right there?!?
Oh, and I'm very excited that next weekend, we're going to a No on 8 campaign party. I've already given $$, but I'll prob'ly shell out at least another $20. And have you donated? I'd be eternally grateful! Even $5 would make me love you...
Okay, I'm starting. BTW, I also think she's going to compare governing to parenting.
This guy on CNN described Palin as being "one 72-year-old's heartbeat away from being the commander-in-chief." That frightens me.
"Can I call you Joe?" He should've said, "I prefer Mark." Just to mess with her.
"A pleasure to meet you." Wow. They've never met?!?
Does anyone really know what "middle-class" means anymore? I had a professor say it used to mean you could survive a year without a job. Anyone who can do that is not what I think of when I think middle-class.
I was interrupted - Sylvia's tooth came out.
"go to a kid's soccer game..." of course!! I knew she'd bring that out. Although, I'm surprised that she said soccer, and not hockey.
Yes, we are all afraid. Thanks Bush.
2 years ago, McCain FAILED as a LEADER (Fannie/Freddie). Oh yeah. When McCain went back to Washington, the deal fell apart.
The American workforce is not strong when we have the highest unemployment rate in 7 years.
New energy from McCain? 72. Years. Old.
"Darn right." Yeah, that's folksy. JOe 6-pack? Really? Depends on what kind of 6-pack we're talking.
Exactly, Joe! People are going into debt because they can't afford their groceries! We're not in debt for FUN. Most bankruptcies occur because of divorce, job loss and medical issues. Not because we're supporting TWELVE houses.
Tax relief. Yep. When we're in a deficit CRISIS. You can't cut taxes in these circumstances. I'm sorry, but you just can't. We're giving China the keys to the country.
Oh, wonderful. She's just going to say her campaign speech and ignore the questions. That's how a debate's suposed to work, right?
So far, Biden's doing okay. I'm nervous to actually type that, but so far, so good.
"Re-distribution of wealth?!?" If they make $250k a year, I think they can handle it.
Hmmm. What I remember from the Obama/Clinton debates is that Obama's health plan is NOT mandated. That was about 95% of the differences between the two.
Yep. A $5,000 tax credit doesn't really help me w/ my health insurance. Like a $4,000 voucher doesn't help me pay for a $12,000 tuition under NCLB.
Okay, Biden, I get what you're saying, but you're not answering the question about what changes w/ the bail-out plan. I mean, i know you don't know yet, but still...you have to address this better than you are.
Oh, yeah. McCain doesn't flip-flop. I do NOT recognize this guy from as little as 4 years ago.
But you see? McCain should've KNOWN that bankruptcy law changes came from the companies that were losing money because they had loans that never should've been granted!
Okay, they're talking about bankruptcy and she won't even talk about it. She's talking about energy now. She's just refusing to answer certain things. Perfect. Another VP who won't listen to anyone. We need another one of those. (110 days...)
Hey, does Palin have a gay friend/family member?
I seriously can't believe that they're still talking about marriage between a man and a woman. Really?
Wow. She really lost her place when Biden called McCain out for voting "against the troops."
Did she just say "nuculer?" Oh, boy. Yep. She just said it again.
I'm so tired of this whole, Obama would sit down with the leaders without pre-conditions.
OMG, she just sounded EXACTLY like Bush. EXACTLY. Hah. She even talked about how it's "hard work."
LOL - Palin doesn't even know how to deal with the Israeli question!
Sometimes, I just stop and go, "OMG - even SHE can't believe she's there!"
Okay, I'm getting a little bored right now.
I'm going to break this up with a few pics.
Wow. Biden is the FIRST person to mention education.
Wow again. She just refuses to talk about certain subjects that she doesn't like.
Oh, scary. Her presiding over the Senate. just friggin' scary.
Okay, I admit it. the say it isn't so, Joe line was good.
Okay, thanks, Joe, for talking about single parents.
Oh, he made me tear up.
Good for you, Biden! Good for you for calling out the maverick idea.
Palin, I don't buy you as a bipartisan for one. single. moment.
Well, she stayed upright. And I think Biden did a great job from not "attacking" Palin.
Good night all.
Mother'X Day
The girls really did handle it much better that last time he went to jail at their birthdays. Riley said it best when she said, "I love him, but I don't miss him." Being younger, not remembering a time when we lived together helped her a lot. Sylvia was getting there, but it was just going to take longer. Every time X screwed up, she got a little closer.
Things went on, the girls had fun on their birthdays, he got out again, and eventually - can't remember exactly when, but it must've been early 2007 - X came back down to L.A. to live. My anger had dissipated, and we went back to some visits with me as a chaperone. Some went well, some not so well.
The next big happening was Mother's Day of that year. Or rather, the night before Mother's Day. We already had plans to be with my parents on the actual day, but X said he wanted to take us out for a nice dinner at this great restaurant to thank me for everything I've done. Of course, he asked me with the girls around, and how could I say no?
So we made plans to meet him. We were there before him, and I got a little freaked out that he wouldn't show. But he called and said he was on his way.
We had a nice dinner. He seemed a little distracted, but I just figured he was feeling depressed, and I didn't ask.
Until the bill came. And he started telling me how he needed to go meet someone who owed him money, and would we just wait for 10 minutes or so while we got the cash to pay for the bill.
In my head, I could see what would transpire. He would leave. and not show up for a good half-hour at least. And when he came back, he would claim the friend stood him up and he still wouldn't have the money to pay the bill. Or he wouldn't come back at all. And I would be left with the question of how long do I wait?
The girls were already getting antsy, and I could feel my irritation rising to a level of pissed. Without a word, I got out my credit card to pay for my own Mother's Day dinner. I so badly didn't want to make a scene in front of the girls (not to mention, I knew the waitress). I just wanted to get out of there.
Of course, X wouldn't let it go that easily. He couldn't have me mad, or not talking to him. I was being unreasonable again. It wasn't like he wasn't going to pay, we just had to wait.
And of course, Sylvia was on his side. Why wouldn't I just let him buy the dinner?
Tears were springing in my eyes, but I refused to answer. I tried to give X the look to say, "shut the f*** up. Do NOT do this in front of the girls. " X just ignored it, though. Just went on pretending like it would all work out.
We managed to get out of the restaurant, but X insisted on following us, on continuing to try and goat me. The girls were crying at this point. But I got them in the car and got the hell out of there.
My cell phone started ringing not 20 seconds later. I finally started yelling at him, while the girls cried in the background. He finally gave up.
I apologized to the girls, but explained to them that it wasn't right to say he was taking us to dinner without having the money upfront. He could've canceled, he could've postponed, he had any number of choices available rather than just leaving us there.
The best thing to come out of that was that I told them I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. We couldn't spend time together because too many times, it ended in disaster. And the best thing was, they agreed.
P.S. And, no, he never did pay me back for the dinner. He still owed me for four years' worth of child support.
Things went on, the girls had fun on their birthdays, he got out again, and eventually - can't remember exactly when, but it must've been early 2007 - X came back down to L.A. to live. My anger had dissipated, and we went back to some visits with me as a chaperone. Some went well, some not so well.
The next big happening was Mother's Day of that year. Or rather, the night before Mother's Day. We already had plans to be with my parents on the actual day, but X said he wanted to take us out for a nice dinner at this great restaurant to thank me for everything I've done. Of course, he asked me with the girls around, and how could I say no?
So we made plans to meet him. We were there before him, and I got a little freaked out that he wouldn't show. But he called and said he was on his way.
We had a nice dinner. He seemed a little distracted, but I just figured he was feeling depressed, and I didn't ask.
Until the bill came. And he started telling me how he needed to go meet someone who owed him money, and would we just wait for 10 minutes or so while we got the cash to pay for the bill.
In my head, I could see what would transpire. He would leave. and not show up for a good half-hour at least. And when he came back, he would claim the friend stood him up and he still wouldn't have the money to pay the bill. Or he wouldn't come back at all. And I would be left with the question of how long do I wait?
The girls were already getting antsy, and I could feel my irritation rising to a level of pissed. Without a word, I got out my credit card to pay for my own Mother's Day dinner. I so badly didn't want to make a scene in front of the girls (not to mention, I knew the waitress). I just wanted to get out of there.
Of course, X wouldn't let it go that easily. He couldn't have me mad, or not talking to him. I was being unreasonable again. It wasn't like he wasn't going to pay, we just had to wait.
And of course, Sylvia was on his side. Why wouldn't I just let him buy the dinner?
Tears were springing in my eyes, but I refused to answer. I tried to give X the look to say, "shut the f*** up. Do NOT do this in front of the girls. " X just ignored it, though. Just went on pretending like it would all work out.
We managed to get out of the restaurant, but X insisted on following us, on continuing to try and goat me. The girls were crying at this point. But I got them in the car and got the hell out of there.
My cell phone started ringing not 20 seconds later. I finally started yelling at him, while the girls cried in the background. He finally gave up.
I apologized to the girls, but explained to them that it wasn't right to say he was taking us to dinner without having the money upfront. He could've canceled, he could've postponed, he had any number of choices available rather than just leaving us there.
The best thing to come out of that was that I told them I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be in the same room with him anymore. We couldn't spend time together because too many times, it ended in disaster. And the best thing was, they agreed.
P.S. And, no, he never did pay me back for the dinner. He still owed me for four years' worth of child support.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Less than siX months
We went back to it being the three of us again. The therapy sessions died down, and soon life was somewhat normal again.
I would have these moments sometimes where it would hit me unexpectedly. They mostly came at school functions, where I'd see the two happy parents and the two happy children, and the dad would carry his child around his shoulders or whisper something to his wife, and tears would spring to my eyes. That'll never be me. That'll never be us, I would think. Thankfully, most of these moments would happen in the great L.A. outdoors, where my sunglasses could hide the well-ups.
Another one I remember is when Riley performed on a stage for the first time. Miraculously, X had managed to be around for most of Sylvia's performances. And, again, I wasn't even thinking of it purposefully. But as I looked at my little girl up there, and all the parents watching and smiling, I thought, Riley deserves two parents out here.
But most of the time, things went fine.
Unfortunately, just after that school year ended (Riley completed her year of kindergarten, and Sylvia was going into 4th grade), we learned that the girls would have to go to another school the next year. When we'd moved, I hadn't checked the address to make sure we were still in our neighborhood school. We weren't. A few weeks before the school year had ended, I'd received a letter from the school asking me about it. I poured out the whole story. I'd thought that they'd decided to let them stay. But not two days after school was out - two days too late to say proper goodbyes to their friends - we were informed that we wouldn't be welcomed back.
The girls were disappointed, of course, but we concentrated on the positive aspects. They would now be attending the same school as the other kids in the building. So they went into a new school for Riley's first and Sylvia's fourth grades with a good attitude.
X was released early, but thankfully, decided to go back to northern California where his family was. So it really wasn't that big a deal when I got the call - again, on Riley's birthday - that he was in jail again.
I would have these moments sometimes where it would hit me unexpectedly. They mostly came at school functions, where I'd see the two happy parents and the two happy children, and the dad would carry his child around his shoulders or whisper something to his wife, and tears would spring to my eyes. That'll never be me. That'll never be us, I would think. Thankfully, most of these moments would happen in the great L.A. outdoors, where my sunglasses could hide the well-ups.
Another one I remember is when Riley performed on a stage for the first time. Miraculously, X had managed to be around for most of Sylvia's performances. And, again, I wasn't even thinking of it purposefully. But as I looked at my little girl up there, and all the parents watching and smiling, I thought, Riley deserves two parents out here.
But most of the time, things went fine.
Unfortunately, just after that school year ended (Riley completed her year of kindergarten, and Sylvia was going into 4th grade), we learned that the girls would have to go to another school the next year. When we'd moved, I hadn't checked the address to make sure we were still in our neighborhood school. We weren't. A few weeks before the school year had ended, I'd received a letter from the school asking me about it. I poured out the whole story. I'd thought that they'd decided to let them stay. But not two days after school was out - two days too late to say proper goodbyes to their friends - we were informed that we wouldn't be welcomed back.
The girls were disappointed, of course, but we concentrated on the positive aspects. They would now be attending the same school as the other kids in the building. So they went into a new school for Riley's first and Sylvia's fourth grades with a good attitude.
X was released early, but thankfully, decided to go back to northern California where his family was. So it really wasn't that big a deal when I got the call - again, on Riley's birthday - that he was in jail again.
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