Gone Baby Gone thoughts - SPOILER Alert!

Okay, now that abrightfuture has given me permission :), I'm going to go ahead and talk about this film. I can't discuss it without giving it away, so move on if you don't want to know.

It takes a while to get to the real point. What starts off as a semi-thriller/semi-drama turns into a mind-bending question about what is "right" in the situation of a child being born to a drug-addled mother, and when people take the law into their own hands.

Morgan Freeman plays the mastermind of the operation; a decorated officer who lost his own daughter that becomes the head of the missing persons unit. When the brother of the addict decides she's no longer fit to be a mother, Freeman decides to take the child. Casey Affleck is caught in the middle, and eventually figures out what has occurred. It is then his decision whether or not to return the daughter (a 4-year-old) to the mother, or let her be with Freeman and his wife.

There are valid arguments on either side of this. The child is shown happy with Freeman, who is ready to give her all that he could not give his own child. A real home, vacations, sleep-overs, etc. Why should this child have to pay for her mother's mistakes?

Then again, why not go about it in the right way? Why did the brother not call Social Services, and let the laws in place deal with it? The brother called a cop he knew, and this cop felt that Freeman deserved a second chance at fatherhood instead.

Again, if that's the case, then why not do it through the system? Yes, the system has cracks. Yes, these things can take a lot longer than we'd like. But, once we stop paying any attention to the line, then where does it stop?

I can certainly relate to not wanting a child to be raised around drug addicts. This is why I left my husband!

At the same time, I can't support this type of vigilantism, because what's to say Angelina and Brad won't decide that, gee, I have it real tough as a single, working mom, and my kids would be better off with them?

This need people have to interfere with other's lives because of holes in their own can be incredibly destructive. I've been put in a similar situation. Without getting into the nasty details of it all, I have experienced the very long lasting effects of other people's interference. I know they meant well. Still doesn't make it right.

Having said that, I think the brother should've done something to help this girl with this strung out "mother" who wasn't really a parent. I think he could've petitioned the court for custody, called Social Services, talked to counselors, hired Supernanny! Any myriad of options other than how he handled it. And Freeman could've adopted a child - an older child that has little chance at their "advanced' age of 10 or 12 to be adopted. A child that has gone through the very difficult trials and tribulations of the system, and still doesn't have a place to call home or people to call family. Yes, their hearts were in the right place. But a true sense of morality and justice should've been possible without breaking about a dozen laws.

I'll put it this way: if kidnapping, murder, and lies are involved, it's probably not the right thing to do.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Watched Gone Baby Gone. I really want to discuss this film, but don't want to spoil it for anyone, either. It raises some interesting questions.

Only my fellow musical-theatre lovers will appreciate this next paragraph. Sirius' Broadway's Best played "An Evening with Kander & Ebb," which was performed before Chicago opened on Broadway. The most exciting part was hearing the song "Roxie" as it was originally written, which was different than what ended up in the show.

I barely survived the work week as a person from another department, but just 10 feet away from me, threatened to take away all threads left of my sanity BY TALKING LIKE THIS. FOR FIVE. HOURS. STRAIGHT. Unfortunately, she has the emotional maturity of a toddler, so any attempts to request a lesser volume is met with even louder tantrums.

The biggest news was getting my hair cut. Now, mind you, I wasn't going for anything drastic. But, considering I first started thinking that it was time to get my hair trimmed back in November, it was long overdue. I actually made an appointment about a month ago, and then, of course, that's the day I had to go pick up a sick child from school and couldn't reschedule until now.

There was actual cheering as I left the office to finally get it done.

Here's a before pic that Riley took a couple weeks ago:



Now, let me reiterate, I wasn't going for anything drastic. Some were disappointed that my hair cut didn't completely transform me. Others were happy I kept it long. Because, apparently, my hair is for everyone else.

Here's the "new" me:



Everyone also wants me to get up an hour earlier to curl my hair like this every day. That's not going to happen. Riley thought we should at least take a picture.

Girls' highlights: Sylvia made the Honor Roll at school! She was so incredibly excited, and I'm so happy for her. And I love this pic that Riley took of her.




Riley is counting down the days until we go down to my sister's next weekend.



Oh, yeah! And I finally downloaded photos from my camera. (I think that took longer than getting my hair cut.)

Flashback Friday - Coming Home

I know, I threatened last week to stop doing this, but in the past week, I've begun to see the therapeutic value in looking back and putting it all into perspective. At least, that's my mood today. We'll see what next Friday brings.

Today's theme: home. I didn't have your normal childhood home. I was born in Orange County (which is just wrong, for someone like me), we moved to Bakersfield when I was 4 or 5, then to Cupertino, then to Santa Cruz, and in Santa Cruz County, lived in 3 different homes before we moved to Los Angeles when I was 12.

My parents claim we moved here so that I could go to the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, which was just about to open. I know it's the main reason, but I also think they were ready to come back to Southern California.

I did love Santa Cruz. It was a really great place to grow up, and where I got started doing theatre. However, it was time to move up (well, geographically, down) in the world and try my footing on some larger stages.

I just recently asked my mom how they found the condo that became our L.A. home. It was some type of fluke, of course.

I remember the night we took the drive. The U-Haul, my mother driving one car, the U-Haul towing the other that held our family cat, Sissy, who was in the family before I was! We arrived late at night, my parents tired from the trip. We put some mattresses on the floors of the bedrooms and my dad got a pizza. Even with the exhaustion, there was an excitement in the air about our future.

I bring it up because of what this condo has come to mean to me. It was where I spent junior high, high school, and beyond. Most kids leave home; my parents bought a new house, and I stayed at the condo. I would leave it from time to time and last left it in 1996, when I moved with the man who was to be the father of my children to Denver.

My parents still owned the condo for quite some time, and sold it just a few years ago.

This summer, I began looking for a new place because of KIPP. We were living in the Valley, I work in Burbank, but the school is near downtown L.A. The commute would've been crazy to drop her off before 7:20 and get my youngest daughter to her school in the Valley and get me to Burbank by 8 a.m. The commute would make more sense if we lived closer to KIPP and then I just commuted to work (not long - about 25 minutes or so).

My parents were going to meet me at a house in our old neighborhood to check out for a rental. We decided that on their way there, they would stop back at the old condo complex and see if any units there were up for rent.

The unit that my parents had previously owned was available for rent. On top of that, it was $100 cheaper than what I'd been paying for rent in the Valley. Plus, it has a washer & dryer (our old washer, actually), a dishwasher, and a garage - all amenities we'd previously been living without. Within a couple of days, the deal was done.

The girls and I were moving home. The girls thought it very cool to live where I'd grown up. Since the bedrooms are small, I ended up giving them the master bedroom, and I'm now sleeping in the same room I slept in when I was 12. And 19. And 21.

I get asked sometimes if it's weird living there again. The only thing that's weird is how not weird it is. It's home. I love walking over to the mailboxes again. I love parking in our garage again. I love that sometimes I'll walk down the hallway and have a quick flashback of a previous walk down that hallway when I was 14. Other people may have inhabitated that space over the years that I was gone, but it's still very much my home. And now it's our home.

I think I'll have even more flashbacks as my oldest daughter approaches the ages that I'd been there. I hope that it will remind me of what being 13 feels like, and help me relate to her a little more. And then, later, with Riley.

We may not have the biggest or best home, but it is filled with memories, with us, and I look forward to many more years in this most recent homecoming.

In the interest of equality...

I'm going to rant about some women now. Two days in a row, I've read two different blogs that basically threatened my ability to call myself a feminist for supporting Obama over Clinton. (I won't link to them because they don't need any more publicity than they've already received.)

To quote Stephanie Miller, shut the huck up!

One blog alluded to the damage I'm doing to my daughters by not voting for Hillary. Yeah, I don't think so. The other said that I wasn't grateful enough for the sacrifices trailblazing women have made before me to even give women the option. I can't really think of a good comeback to that one except "bite me."

Then, of course, there was the Tina Fey skit where she implied that all women voting for Obama were doing so because Oprah told them to do it - not to mention, all of the flak that Oprah received for supporting an African-American over a woman.

These are arguments that sound similar to Bush calling all anti-war protestors anti-American. I mean, how can you even argue with it? It's not based on any form of reality or logic, so why should I even try?

I know some Hillary supporters, and I respect that they believe she would be a better President than Obama. I don't call them "racist" for that. How fair would that be?

*sigh*

This primary election season needs to be over and done with because this mud-slinging is getting completely out of control. I suppose I could be found guilty of doing the same thing, but hey...can't let everyone else but me have all the fun!

Men not equal? Give me a break!

Yesterday, I encountered 2 different stories of men complaining about inequal rights.

The first involved the man who previously advocated to ban Ladies' Nights in bars now filing suit against the Colorado Rockies Ladies' Night promotion. Clearly, the man has decided he has no desire to get laid ever again in his lifetime.

These are promotions. They are not jobs, they are not housing issues, they are not education issues. These promotions are based on what a company's willing to offer for what they want in return. They want more women there. If you have a problem with having a large amount of women in an establishment, here's an idea: stay home! I find this insulting for every fight for true equality that minorities and women have faced in our long history.

Business have practices that I don't agree with, and here's how I deal with it. I don't go there. I will tell others that I don't go there, and why. I'll even write an email to the company and tell them why I'm not going there. It would never occur to me to file a lawsuit unless I felt that the business practices were illegal or immoral. I don't know how you compare the right to fair salaries to the privilege of a free game ticket.

The next one is insulting to me personally. It involves the lawyer who claims himself a "Dad-vocate." Kori has already blogged about this (I love Kori for never holding back any punches), but there's no way I can leave this alone.

David C. Stone likes to throw around statistics to prove his points. He likes to say how the mothers gain custody the majority of the time. Well, here's what I know about single parenthood.

I know many more women who are single mothers whose partner has abandoned their children. I know many women whose partner is not worthy of the title Dad. The problem, quite simply, is the men.

Now I know some dads here in the blogosphere and in real life who are involved in their children's lives. My own father took his role very seriously. This is not to take away anything from any father that has earned the title of "dad" or "daddy." You know who you are. This is not about you.

This is about the single mothers that are truly sick of being bashed upon. This is about the moms who deal with every sickness, every report card and parent meeting, every request to their bosses to please let them take an early lunch to be there for the holiday play, every question about why Daddy doesn't call, every mom who can't get a job because there are no laws to protect mothers from being discriminated against in the workplace.

Yes, there are cases where the guys get the raw end of the deal sometimes. I know of two, personally. Beyond those two, though, I know ten times more women personally who are doing this without the child support they are owed, without a dependable second parent, without the child support system doing their part, with no one standing up for them.

And if I hear the phrase again how "every child needs two actively engaged parents," as David Stone says, I think I will scream. Loudly and long and you will be able to hear it through your modems and wi-fis.

Yes, I would love it if I could depend on my daughters' father to have a stable residence (that wasn't a jail cell), be drug-free, have a valid driver's license, and hey! Why don't we throw in the thousands of dollars in back child support while we're at it? Are you kidding me?!? You're welcome to take him under your wing, Mr. Stone, and teach him how to be a man.

In fact, you're welcome to go to all of the actual mothers and children where the moms won custody and child support and find out if they're actually receiving that child support, and if the dads are showing up for their visitation. Since you're so concerned about these children, that's the best advocacy work you could do.

Obama on Education

Finally, some talk about education! Thanks to Roadkill Refugee for pointing this clip out to me.

Here is the clip, and then I have a "speech" of my own to make.




Of course, I appreciate the acknowledgments that our kids need to learn more than just how to take a test, that we as parents have obligations to our kids and to our teachers, and that progress should not be punished. However, I have some concerns that he did not address.

First of all, it's all well and good to tell the parents to call the teachers if we can't help our kids, but how many teachers actually give out that information? The only teachers I know that will do such a thing are those at KIPP schools.

I agree that children should not be left to fend for themselves at the end of the day, but why do we insist on keeping our kids in farmers' hours of education? The system was set up for an entirely different time, and it's time for our schools to keep up with the times. KIPP students are in school until 5 pm. This allows them the opportunity to have Music and Art and Social Sciences and P.E., and still have ample time for Reading, Writing, and Math. And, yes, Recess!

My high school did this as well. I went to the Los Angeles County High School for the Arts, where classes went from 8 - 4, and all our classes after lunch were in the Arts. Not everyone went on to become superstars, but we all learned how to work as a team, how to think critically, and how to express ourselves. Sylvia wants to go there for high school, and I'd support that wholeheartedly.

But parental support and involvement has to mean more than selling cookies and wrapping paper. KIPP is the only school where parents' concerns and ideas are taken seriously, and often implemented. KIPP is the only school that doesn't ask me to sell cookies or wrapping paper. KIPP is the only school where there is no formal PTA, and yet I feel I have more of a voice there than at any other school. KIPP is the only school that has provided me with a website where I can check all of Sylvia's grades from assignments to test scores, and I have every teacher's email address. KIPP is the only school that has offered moral support in times of family problems, and even a licensed therapist. KIPP is the only school that understands that we all need to work together, and that means supporting the parents as well as the parents supporting the teachers.

I'd much rather Obama commit to scrapping No Child Left Behind completely and making drastic changes than the modest proposals he's made in this speech.

Of course, he's got to win the nomination first!

Weekend Wrap-Up

This might become a regular thing for me, this weekend wrap-up. We'll see. Warning: random non-sequitors ahead!

I actually got through the entire blog-hopping list! If I didn't comment, it's because my computer apparently needs to rest every now and then, and I didn't get a chance to go back to your blog - sorry 'bout that! I don't know if I can do that every weekend; in fact, I'm sure I can't. It just happened to be a slow weekend.

I also finally managed to set up a Google reader. Love that!

I figured out why mostly women have left "Make Me a Supermodel" - it's on Bravo! Generally a lot more gay men and straight women watch this channel. Those gals never had a fair chance.

I'm officially sick of the primary election season, and hope that Tuesday gives us a final nominee.

I love this cartoon from the New Yorker.

I watched Across the Universe - and was decidedly too sober for what the filmmakers had in mind.

I got my tax refunds. In my head I've spent it 20 times over, but in reality (financial advisers be damned), I paid some of on my outstanding debts, but am going to hang onto most of the cash so that the next time the car needs repair/printer dies/[insert expensive need here] occurs, I can actually pay it with cash instead of putting it on the credit card. I think I'll use my forthcoming rebate for my student loans.

I got to have one of those moments where I truly appreciate my job. We have these little get-togethers on occasion where someone brings in cupcakes or what-have-you and we all convene in one of the lawyer's office to enjoy. This time, there was a lawyer from another department, which happens every now and then. We did our usual thing - commenting on current events, talking about our kids, always with a lot of laughter. At one point, the lawyer "from outside" commented that we're really a family. We all smiled and nodded in agreement.

This is actually the longest job I've ever held - this October will be my 5th year anniversary, and I'm the "newbie" in the dept. In some ways, it's quite surprising that I'd last longest as a secretary for lawyers in corporate legal real estate. During my interview with HR, she was quite skeptical of my staying power. But, beyond the practical reasons of good benefits and such, the reason I stay is because of the people. Lawyers get a lot of flak, and most of the time, they deserve it. These lawyers, however, do not. They're all kind, wonderful people that all have lives outside of the office. Most of them have kids. They're all grounded in reality, and understand the importance of a sense of humor. They've all worked in nightmare situations, and we're all appreciative of the head of our department, who is as nice as they come. Oh, sure, we have our little irritations with each other on occasion, but what family doesn't? Overall, though, I couldn't ask for a bunch of better people to see and work with 40 hours a week.

As for my girls, I think the highlight of the week was (besides the current moment of them painting while watching Sunday in the Park with George - again) the three of us in the car, on a random weekday ride home, belting out "So Much Better" from Legally Blonde: the Musical.