Friday, February 20, 2009

Stupid General Fallacies

1. Two parents are always better than one. If you've been reading this blog long enough, you know that's not always the case. Actually, it could be if "parent" actually meant "parent." But the term is so loosely thrown around, and usually doesn't refer to the verb.

2. Married people are happier than single. I know I have a lot of happily married readers, so don't take this personally! I also have two parents very much in love and I can't imagine them getting through a day without each other. But it isn't for everyone. It isn't always the way to go. There are many unhappy marriages, and there are many happy single people. For my sake, I am much happier single now than I ever was married. In fact, what may cause me to be angry is the insistence from politicians and others who insist I'm not happy. Walk a mile in my shoes - then you can judge.

3. Working mothers always feel guilty. Again, no offense to my readers that are stay-at-home moms, but I sucked at it. And I felt guilty for sucking at it. I am a much better mother now than I was during the times that I was a stay-at-home mom.

4. Boys are easier to raise than girls. Or vice versa. Each child has its own unique challenges. Just because the boys can't get pregnant doesn't mean that they can't get themselves into their own kinds of trouble. Like juvenile hall, gangs, and drugs, to name a few. And girls may have their own issues, but I like the fact that I never have to worry about the toilet seat. Nor do I believe that my relationship with my daughters has to be ruined in their teenage years. I can't go into it believing that. I may sing a different tune in a few years, but if I go into these next few years believing that, then I've already failed.

5. Children need a male role model. Sadly, I lost a friend over this one, a female one, ironically enough. I'm lucky that my daughters have my own father in their lives (and I pay for it by living in SoCal, btw), but I know that a positive male role model is not easily accessible (or for that matter, widely available). My *two* male readers, and my 2 best male friends will tell you, I don't hate men. I just hate guys with sperm that are either unwilling or incapable of actually BEING men. My latest post at LA Moms blog is a response to a father that is clueless, at least in regards to my family.

And while I'm in a ranting mode, I'd like to go ahead and get the word out that every.single.state official in California needs to get out of office. They have accomplished NOTHING but making ALL residents worse off than before. We are now going to be #50 in state spending for educating our children, and yet I will be paying MORE in taxes. First up, in my ideal world, no. more. Governator.

I also would like to get just one last proposition on the ballot. To end all propositions.


Julie@My5monkeys said...

I emailed both reps and not happy either with this budget thing either. I will be voting them out ASAP. I agree that they accomplished nothing...they got more money and people got furloughs. I'm not a happy mommy up here in Northern CA.

Kori said...

I love you.

Anonymous said...

I'm ticked at California and I don't even live there. I can't believe the crap those idiots are pulling (the govnt, not the people).

And yes to all of your points above, and I will vouch for the every gender has it's challenges thing. I'm currently dealing with fighting (not necessarily provoked by my son, but he's not always innocent either).

FreedomFirst said...

"Married people are happier than single."

I hate that belief. I wish I could explain to every idiot out there ranting about split-up families, that if our society didn't put so much pressure on people to be in a relationship, maybe there wouldn't BE so many single moms out there in the FIRST place! Or so many openly gay people, for that matter. I know that doesn't bother you, but it does them.

Oh, and in case anyone doesn't know, I am married. And glad of it. But that doesn't mean I think everyone is better off married. There is a place in the world for bachelors and old maids, too. At least they aren't adding to your pet peeve collection of single parents.

I may have to copy and paste this somewhere else too.

won said...

In regards to number two about married ppl being happier than single I am reminded of the time I was asked this:

"Are you married, or are you happy?"

I fall into the latter category, happily.

Tara R. said...

I don't think I can add to this. Perfect!

Lifeofkaylen said...

Well said!
I hear from my friends quite frequently that I need to date - but I have a teenager at home who needs me. I am his only parent. Why would they think I should waste any time dating? When I've clearly told them that dating is one of my least favorite activities ever. EVER.

I'm so happy as a single woman. Do I wish my son had two parents in the house? Sometimes. Do I think he's any less off for not having that? Not at all. He gets ALL my attention, he never hears his parents fight, he never has to worry about pitting his mom against his dad or vice versa, he doesn't have to woo over two people to get what he wants :) - he is doing great, and he has a single mom.

Today someone at work told me a story about her daughters friend who comes from a "broken home" - and I was so saddened to hear that phrase.
Her parents are divorced---that's it. Nothing else.
A broken home could really mean a married couple who fights all day in front of their kids.
Good posting - what's wrong with California? What a mess that state is becoming!

Loth said...

I do tend to think that children, and particularly boys, do need a male role model but that means a GOOD male role model and it does not have to be a parent. In fact, sometimes the best kind of male role model for teenage boys is a male who is not their father (parents being intrinsically uncool).

Meg said...

What has always bothered me is the stigma related to single parenting.

If a woman is a widow or if her husband is on a tour of duty in the military or even if he's a workaholic, she's essentially a single parent.

But God forbid a woman choose to be a single parent by not marrying or by getting divorced.

MindyMom said...

I couldn't agree more with your statements, although I'm not a resisdent of CA so will have to trust your opinion on that one. Was very surprised at prop 8 though, wow!

And love this statement, " I don't hate men. I just hate guys with sperm that are either unwilling or incapable of actually BEING men."

Here, here sista!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Lots of great points here. And me, with 50 more papers to grade this weekend, lots of time to respond.

1: A parent is person who acts on her/his love for his/her child in a reponsible way. If every child had one of those, the world would probably be in a better place.

2: Sure. Someone, please, explain how admitting that you made a BIG mistake and then not trying to correct it is good for anyone? (Can I say "stupid people" on your blog April?)

3: Uh, no. How is it better for a child to go dress shopping and coffee house sitting with mommy and her friends than being at daycare?

4: Who knows. I have daughters. But I can tell you that in 9th grade, if a kid is failing because he just can't get himself together and focus and care--it's a boy. People are people. (I am expecting my monster 17-year-old to eventually return to being almost as sweet as she was at 7.)

5: My daughters have their male teachers, their male relatives, their male coaches. Back to point 2: if the daddy is bad, should he still be given the opportunity to be a negative role model to his children?

Dump the chumps!

jenn said...

Loving this list. I agree (agree that they're stupid, I mean).

I know for a fact that Shiloh would not be better off if her dad was in her life.

I'm much happier now than I was married.

Yeah, I feel guilty sometimes, but I would feel guilty if I was a stay at home mom too. I think daycare has been good for Shiloh. I don't regret it.

I agree with the other points too, just not strongly enough to add anything at the moment. Great post.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend whose husband works all the time. All. the time. She's essentially a single parent because she does all the child rearing (feeding, care giving, dr. appointments, comforting, playing, etc.). But because she has a ring on her finger it gives her a certain respectability that non-married single mothers do not have. She doesn't get the looks from the other PTA mom's unless it's looks of envy because her husband works so hard and makes so much money. It's just plain ol' crazy.

Shiona said...

Great post. I'm with you on everything. And it's sad to see CA going downhill. I better start saving for private school. I am joking...sort of. The whole two people are better than one thing always gets me going. So I will stop now before I type a novel. I agree with you on number 4 that each gender comes with their own issues which makes each one harder than the other in different ways. As for number 5 I am on the fence. I have always held the belief that my son definitely needs a positive role model since he is a black male. That being said if I do not find anyone positive will he be just fine with just me...not sure.