My First Blog Award!

Thank you so much, Lunanik, for my very first blog award!



I think the last award I won was my senior year in high school when I was named Cruise Director of the Year from the dinner cruise ship where I worked.

Now comes the really fun part - passing the award on to other bloggers.

My favorite place to go for a quick laugh: Overheard Lines.

A great writer and fellow Starbucks lover: Latte Mommy.

My very best "web" friend, a fellow single mother, who consistently and so courageously shares from the deepest depths of her soul: Kori J.

Thanks again, Lunanik. And thank you to all my readers. That anyone takes the time to read this means more to me than I can express.

Yeah...about Edwards...

Within 48 hours of my "official" endorsement of Edwards here, he drops out of the race. Hmmm...I endorse, the candidate folds.

Can I now endorse Huckabee, Romney and McCain?

The Bridge Program

One of the greatest experiences I had as a student at Antioch University Los Angeles was the opportunity to be an intern for The Bridge Program, a non-profit organization teaching humanities courses to low-income adults.

Our students came from various backgrounds - some were living in shelters, some were working in social services, and some were simultaneously taking community college courses. In the end, we all became a community.

Many of the students, when they began their 9-month journey, were not prepared to love "school." Yet, through studying literature, art history, philosophy, and writing, with a consistent focus of critical thinking, most of us came early and stayed late to prolong the experience as much as possible.

I have spoken before (and will most likely in the future) about the breakdown of our public education system, and what it has done to us as a whole. Those of us that do not have a straight journey from elementary to middle to high school, then college/university, and sometimes beyond usually feel hopeless at times. We cannot break through certain barriers, and that leaves us frustrated.

Many people's public schools failed them in giving them a chance to be heard. Rather, it's all about memorizing formulas, and regurgitating facts and dates. It is not a surprise to me that our high school dropout rates continue to be high. Eventually, anyone tires of being a puppet!

I wonder how many blogs have been born out of this frustration?

What we have seen develop, as technology has allowed, is a need for connection. We hear a lot about how disconnected we are because of the internet, because of texting, IMing, MySpace, and what have you.

I disagree. Wholeheartedly. I see these venues as a way for those of us who never felt like we had a voice to express it freely, without fear of being edited by others, and braced for opposition.

The Bridge Community was one of the few places that I felt free in doing so among a diverse group of people that came together, ate together, and learned together. We explored different ways of thinking about things, exchanged concerns and opposing viewpoints, and addressed them in our work. We took each idea, examined it from every angle, and found a way to put it down on paper. We cheered each other on, helped with "real-life" problems, and kept our sense of humor.

When our time was over as a class, I can say without any hesitation that all of us had grown, and were better people for the time that we spent together.

The Bridge Program is having their annual fundraiser, which is why I write about it now. (Actually, I had a dream that I pledged $1,000 to David in my sleep, and am truly hoping that did not happen. In any event, it seemed a good time to plug 'em!)

There will be a poker tournament fundraiser on Sunday, April 13th. More information on The Bridge Program's All-In '08 Poker Challenge can be found here. More information on The Bridge Program itself is available through their website.

I'm Voting for Edwards

Let me be clear about this: I will support and accept any of the 3 Democratic candidates once the primaries are said and done. I think each one of them displays strengths and weaknesses, and any one of them will get my support against any of the Republican candidates.

Having said that, I finally realized about a week ago that, come Feb. 5, I'm going to have to vote for one of them. I hadn't been paying any attention to the primaries because I have really disliked primaries in the past...particularly since, by the time they got to California, a candidate already had it locked up.

That's not the case this year. This year, most likely even Super Tuesday won't decide the final candidates. I very firmly believe that I must take my responsibility as an American citizen seriously enough to vote in all elections. Apathy, I believe, is one of the greatest poisons in our democracy.

So I watched the South Carolina debate last Monday with an open heart and mind. I personally enjoyed the little swipes - probably because it wasn't my girls fighting for a change! But I looked it up today on FactCheck.org to see how much truth each candidate actually spoke that night.

The winner for the most honest candidate: John Edwards.

The only person to mention that single, working moms aren't getting a fair break: John Edwards.

The only candidate to actually give me reason to vote for them instead of against someone else: John Edwards.

I don't agree with him 100% on everything, but I actually think he's the only candidate that would address my concerns at some point, too.

I'm blogging about Edwards because I don't feel like he's gotten an equitable share of visible coverage, and I would love to see Super Tuesday make this a real 3-way race. As FactCheck.org said, Edwards is there, too!

Drama, drama, drama...or...It's Not All About You (or Me)

There's been a lot of drama going on lately. And I'm not talking about Hillary/Bill and Obama!! No, I'm talking about people messing with others, picking on others, ganging up on others...grown women acting like high schoolers! And even that may be giving them too much credit. Correction: us too much credit.

On the other hand, I can think of a few instances of the same happening IRL lately, too. Do we ever really grow up?

(pardon me my Carrie Bradshaw moment.)

And then I heard about some real drama. Real life drama. A mother, a friend of a friend, learned that her daughter has cancer. What was thought to be a sinus infection has turned into something that they will be lucky if her daughter lives through.

What struck me - because I'm not about comparing life stories and who has it worse - is what my friend told me about her son (who is best friends with this girl). Her son had been complaining of late of how moody the girl had been, and an elementary-friend type squabble ensued.

Of course, this girl was "moody" because she was in terrible pain. It had nothing to do with the friendship, of course, but how was this boy to know? How are we ever to know how much of it is truly about us?

I thought back to my own friendship squabbles, and how many times the squabble wasn't really about the issue we proclaimed it to be. How either I was going through something, or my friend was going through something, and we made targets of each other instead.

I joke a lot about it being all about me, or not...but I would venture to guess that, more often than not, it's not all about us even when all evidence points to the contrary.

It reminds me that we do need to take a step back, time out, and consider the very real possibility that what seems to be much ado about nothing usually is...or, at the very least, about something entirely different.

The Blogging Meme

Dear Lunanik has tagged me for this meme. She likes me, she really likes me!

How long have you been blogging?

My first post on this blog was September 12, 2007. I admit to a few other false starts at blogging, but this one has stuck. I was just reading this article about Mommy Bloggers, where the author half-jokingly referred to it as a form of narcissism, and maybe so, but for me, it's more about attempting to make connections. We may be born and die alone, but in between, I believe we spend the majority of the time attempting to form human bonds.

What inspired you to start a blog and who are your mentors?

I was spending a lot of time on an online community for moms, but I found that, even in my long posts, I still had so much more to say. Then, I started reading other bloggers, and had even more to say. I had that, "hey, if they can do it, so can I!" feeling, and thus another mommy blogger was born! But I still feel I have a unique slant, particularly as a single mother. The first blogs I began to read on a regular basis were Because I Said So (found from the now-famous E-Bay posting), and then Mommy Needs Coffee. They still remain inspirations, and favorites. Mentors? Well, they don't even know I exist, but they still inspire.

Are you trying to make money or just doing it for fun?

Unfortunately, I know myself well enough to know that I can't be motivated by money. I love the line from Sunday in the Park with George (by Stephen Sondheim): "It's not so much do what you like as it is that you like what you do." That's how I get up every morning to go to work. I've thought about trying to write for money a few times, but frankly, I don't think I'm good enough. At the same time, I've never been one to shy away from expressing myself, so blogging makes perfect sense for me. Enough people (which, by my standards, doesn't have to be a very high number) have told me that they enjoy reading my blog to inspire me to keep doing this, and yes, I am having fun.

What three things do you love about being online?

1) The people. I'm with Lunanik on this one 100%. I had never quite bought into the idea of real friendships being able to come to fruition on the internet alone, but my own experiences have turned me into a believer. I have always enjoyed learning more about human nature, and being able to explore humanity through technology is a fascinating and exciting opportunity that I get to endeavor in every day in the comfort of my own home. Having kids limits my opportunities to get out there IRL so I'm grateful for this substitute that does allow for real human expression and exchange.

2) The freedom to engage or not, and to edit oneself. Granted, there are times we all hit the "send," "post," "reply" button a little too soon, but overall, I enjoy having the chance to read it over, correct those mistakes I catch, and completely form my thoughts (again, most of the time - not all) before actually saying it. I know we all have those times when you think to yourself later, after an argument or something, "I should have said THIS!" Being in a comfort zone allows me the opportunity to actually say it.

At the same time, I can also write the most nasty, hateful things...and then delete, delete, delete before it actually goes out there in the world. It's a wonderful way to get all of that out of my system without going so far as to express them to the other person, and regretting it later! Of course, sometimes I still hit that post/send button, but there's actually a lot of self-editing going on!!

And, believe it or not, there are times when I don't post. There are things I don't ever say that I'm thinking. Or I save it for a private conversation or email instead of expressing it to the whole world (or online community). I'm not caught off guard. I have time to process.

3) The chance to learn from others. I really do love going out there and seeing what other people have to say. I love the opportunity to try and understand another point of view.

But it goes beyond just political differences, and the like. Sometimes, I just need to get outside of my head, and my own IRL world. I have learned so much from other moms all over the internet that I wouldn't even know where to begin! I have had fascinating online discussions about everything from potty training to MySpace to this year's presidential candidates...I look forward to my time online every day to see what more there is to learn.

What three things do you struggle with online?

1) I agree with Lunanik on the first as well: time management. There was one particular night, after spending time in a new online community, where I was up until after 1 a.m. because I still had to do dishes, make school lunches, etc.! I have gotten better at it, but it takes a lot of self-control.

2) Putting up with terrible grammar. I actually read yesterday that Heath Ledger had "past" on. I'm no English expert, but come on, people!!

3) Am I giving up or letting go? And understanding the difference. Sometimes, there can't be a meeting of the minds. This happens IRL as well, of course, but it's a little harder for me to gauge where the line is online than off without the benefit of being able to look into someone's eyes and being able to tell whether you need to back off or just push a tiny bit further. I don't believe that words are only 7% of communication, but they are far from 100%.

I'm not going to tag anyone - use as you like!

Blog for Choice Day 2008

First, I'd like to give a shout-out to Latte Mommy for letting me know via her blog about Blog for Choice Day! I think the email probably got lost in all the election emails I've been getting lately.




I come at this issue as a mother. Now, I was pro-choice before being a mother, but my stance on being pro-choice has only gotten stronger as a mother.

I know now how hard it is to be a mom. I know the sacrifices I make daily for my kids, the amount of times I have to bite my tongue, the amount of times I screw up and have to make reparation for it. Every day, I'm faced with the challenges of nurturing these two human beings into people that I will hope will be liked and respected, strong yet sympathetic, and idealistic enough to reach for the stars, yet realistic enough to not be shattered by disappointment.

These are tough waters to navigate. As a single mom, it's even more difficult as we don't have the benefit of someone to carry the load on occasion.

Being a mother comes with huge financial responsibilities as well. Providing food, clothing and shelter is just the beginning. I want them to have the chances to explore the world outside of our four walls and their schools. I want them to have times to be care free and simply enjoy themselves. I want them to have every book they want to read, and while I know that money cannot buy happiness, a healthy dose of it can keep me from freaking out if they eat another bowl of cereal or if my tire goes flat.

Every single day, as any mom blogger can attest to, difficult choices must be made. Patience must be found from the deepest depth of your inner core. Financial resources must be created out of next to nothing. A stong sense of self and humor must be utilized.

And even the "good" moms can make devastating choices. From the choice of father to the number of chances you give a child to the type of punishments or consequences in order to instill in a child their own moral compass. Love is simply not enough.

I love my children with all my heart, and being their mother more than anything else in the world. That isn't all that sustains me, though. It's still too early in the game to know whether or not, despite my best efforts, despite my worst mistakes, I have done a good enough job in being their mom.

In one of my single mom internet groups, we often refer to the absentee dad as the "sperm donor." In all honesty, there are "egg donors" out there as well. There are women who are not up to the job. We see the devastating results of that in our playgrounds, in our juvenile justice system, in our adults who do not contribute to society. And even if a mom was more than just an egg donor, even if she did all that she could do, it still might not have been enough to make that child feel whole.

I could not, under any circumstances, put myself in the place of a woman who finds herself pregnant and doubts her ability to be a mom, and pretend to know what's best for her...and that child. That is a decision every woman must make for herself, because every woman who makes that decision must live with the consequences of it forever. Not just 18 years, but forever. One never stops being a mom.

Yes, every life is precious. Every life deserves the best possible chances. Every child deserves a mom and a dad to take their roles seriously. As it is, we have too many children in the world who are surviving with less than that. If I have any regrets, it is that I could not give my children the father they deserve. I hope that they can make it without it, but there are times when I'm not absolutely convinced of that. It never gets easier.

Were a woman to ask me my advice, I would try to stress just how much it means, and just how hard it is. I would want her to have all the possible knowledge of what motherhood means, and if she still wanted to have it, great. But if she really believed she was not ready, emotionally and/or financially, to commit to this lifetime endeavor, I would respect her decision to abort.

I was asked recently if I would support my daughter's decision to abort. Absolutely. Probably the only people who understand single parenthood outside of single parents are the children of single parents. If she did not feel she had a supportive significant other, and she did not want to become a single parent, I would be right there with her to hold her hand during the procedure. I would want it to be safe, legal, and leave her with the option of having children later in life if/when she felt ready to do so. I would not begrudge her the mistake of getting pregnant in the first place, because I'm sure the experience itself would be enough for her to learn her lesson. I would not want another child to pay for her mistakes, much like I agonize over how much my own children have paid for mine. That price is too steep.

I not only support a woman's right to choose, I support a child's right to have the best possible chances of thriving. That starts with a mother who is up for the job.