Back to School thoughts; nearly 5 weeks in

I had Back to School Night at Sylvia's school last night, and woo hoo, it didn't suck!

It seems they put all the best teachers in 8th grade. And it's no wonder her Algebra teacher is so good; she was the Math Chair for 4 years and is now the Faculty Chair. She helped write a textbook, she helped write the CA State Standards, AND she's blond, pretty and looks about 19! If she wasn't such a great teacher, I might just have to hate her.

Sylvia's Science teacher used to work for NASA so yeah, she knows what she's talking about. The English teacher gives them time to journal every day, which I think is awesome, and her book report projects are open-ended; the kids have free reign to express it in any way they wish. Sylvia's already decided she's going to do a skit.

Riley had a crazy Math assignment last week: she had to figure out how to spend a million dollars. We could've spent it on real estate alone, but Riley was very practical about what she wanted.  A 3-bedroom was big enough, three flat screens were enough, an $85 bike was enough. We were stuck with over $300,000 left for far too long! I finally talked her into a more expensive house, and we "spent" the rest on furnishings, appliances, some clothes, an $18,000 timeshare, and we gave $40k to charity. It was pretty fun, actually! I wanted to factor in taxes, closing costs, and invest some, but the point of the assignment was to use the prices we found on the internet to do the math so Riley was decidedly literal.

What I love about Riley's 5th grade teacher is that homework is encouraged by peer pressure. As it is, they only have homework (besides reading) on Mondays and Wednesdays, and if everyone turns in their homework for both days, then the following week, they get to walk to the park across the street for lunch and play games. Riley was totally motivated to get that assignment done, even if it meant staying up late, because she didn't want to be the one keeping the class from this special privilege. It has cut down on my nagging dramatically!

While I don't want to get too ahead of myself, this school year may not produce as many ranting posts as the past couple of years!

I want to blog again

I've been perpetually tired, but having a hard time going to sleep. I've decided it's because I'm not writing enough. So I'm determined to get my blogging mojo back!!

Sylvia's opening weekend of her show went so great! We're all having tons of fun, even if it does mean we have way less "free" time.

Here she is (with her sis) in all her Oompa Loompa glory.

As my loyal readers know, I'm a huge fan of The West Wing. So you can imagine how excited I was to see Toby Ziegler (aka Richard Schiff) live and in person! He actually said hello to me! So I told him I watch West Wing every day of my life. And he suggested I get out more. We had a good laugh. And it makes me smile every time I think about it.

Thanks to everyone for the kuddos. I purposely did not get into how much I've grown and changed because, frankly, I get nauseated even trying to write that anymore. I mean, yes, I know, I've accomplished a lot, and I'm doing a good job, but I feel like I've written all of that before. But I felt warm all over, reading your comments! Thanks for that.

I was really hoping this week would be quieter, what with no rehearsals and all, but sure enough, I was supposed to go to Open House at the Club  (which I blew off), and I have Back to School Night at Sylvia's school this week. I'm beginning to realize that any efforts to slow down our schedule at this point are an exercise in futility. It is what it is.

I told Sylvia that I'm a little concerned about re-entry issues. I think, for people like us, it's easier for us to juggle a lot of things in the air, but the more free time we have, the more our productivity wanes. She did her homework without any fuss, so I hope that I was worrying about nothing.

Still, I will not add any more titles for the remainder of the school year. Between the PTA, the Booster Club, the Leadership class, the Club committee, as well as parenting, working, blogging here and at Parentella, I think I've reached my cap on commitments!

Granted, this is a pretty lame post, but hopefully, I'll have something of substance to say soon!

Yahoo! Mother Board: Balancing school lunches

The Yahoo! Mother Board has asked us to talk about how we get our kids to eat healthy school lunches. Once again, I say that it's all about balance. And once again, I also say that our family is a work in progress.

Because of time and financial constraints, I haven't been to Whole Foods in a while. I'm back to picking up regular peanut butter and enriched wheat bread at our local grocery store. We are far from perfect, and I'm okay with that.

I make the girls' lunches four times a week and they eat from the cafeteria once a week. That's as much for my convenience as anything, since I usually don't feel like making them lunches for the next day on the nights when I have a PTA meeting. I could (and should) investigate more what's happening in their school's cafeteria, but for now, I'll leave that to Jamie Oliver.

The girls' lunches generally consist of a sandwich, a piece of fruit or cereal fruit bar, carrots or veggie chips, and string cheese/trail mix/gingersnaps from the organic aisle. Not the best, not the worst. Again, I'm okay with that.

I'm raising girls, and while healthy eating is important, I also need to be aware of not focusing too much on weight issues. My girls are not in any danger of becoming obese; they dance regularly which is just as much exercise as a soccer game, they run around regularly (sometimes too much, if you ask me), they love to swim, jump and hike. Their physical fitness is not a concern.

Having said that, I want to be sure that they are happy with their bodies. I don't want to say no to ice cream because it's fattening, I say no because it's not healthy. And I don't always want to say no. We don't actually have any ice cream in the house right now, but I do sometimes throw in a piece of candy or goldfish crackers in their lunch. And I sometimes say yes to requests to buy Oreos or donuts. They know I'm not going to buy them every trip, they know I'm going to limit their intake, but I figure, I don't want them "dealing" sandwiches for cookies at lunchtime either, so I can't say no all the time.

I was horrified last year when Riley told me that one child has her mother bring her McDonald's at lunch about 3 times a week. That is excessive. That is not convenient to drive to a McDonald's and drop it off at lunch time, it's not wallet friendly, and it's certainly not teaching a child any sort of self-discipline. That's not balanced.

But I also don't think it's balanced to try and withhold everything processed from our children. The more control we parents try and hang onto, the more out of control our children will feel. To me, what's most important in parenting is remembering that the goal is to raise adults that love themselves enough to make the right decisions.

Sylvia suffered from picky eater syndrome for a long time, and I think it was a control issue more than anything else. She does not have free reign; she has to ask me for anything she wants for a snack when we're at home. I let her have what she wants sometimes, and sometimes I don't. And I hope that this is what she remembers when she's an adult and making these decisions for herself; making mistakes is a part of life, but recognizing them and correcting your own behavior is what really matters.

Read other posts on school lunches at the Yahoo! Mother Board. 

My 3rd Blogiversary

3 years later...

Granted, lately, real life has rudely interfered with my blogging!

Sylvia opened in Willy Wonka last night. We really enjoyed the show, and she had a blast.

Getting there felt like it ate up the last week, but that's okay. In addition to hell week, I had a PTA meeting, the interviews for my Leadership program, and a packed schedule at work. This weekend, I'm just trying to find my strength again. And hopefully some blogging mojo.

So I've been blogging for three years now. Here are some of the things that have changed, and some that have remained the same.

When I first started blogging, I was living in my old LA childhood again. By incredible circumstances, when we were looking to move in that area for Sylvia to go to KIPP, the exact same condo that I'd grown up in was for rent. I loved the chance to go back home again. It gave me an opportunity to integrate who I'd been in high school to who I am now. While we may not live there anymore, those opportunities still present themselves, thanks to Facebook and all the reconnections I've made there.

Sylvia was going to KIPP and thriving academically. That was our dream educational year. I still miss it, I still miss what she gained from there, but now she has grown not just as a student, but as a person. Oh, we still have our battles, and I think we will for a long time, but I see so much in her that wasn't there 3 years ago. She is still sensitive, but strong enough to stand up for what she wants and needs, in all meanings of those words. Most importantly, she has grown to accept her father for who he is. She's not mad at him (or me), she loves him, but doesn't need him. I wanted to believe that she would get there, but I wasn't so sure for so long.

Last year, I didn't know if she'd ever be able to accept that some peers were just not going to be the friends she wanted them to be. She has learned that if she wants people to accept her for who she is, she has to accept them for who they are. While it's still early in the year and hasn't been completely drama-free, the tone has changed. She's getting through it a little bit easier.

She's also done an amazing job of staying on top of things at school while still rehearsing every night from 6-10 this week. She hasn't fought with me once about getting her homework done, nor does she really need my help. And even though she's going to bed later, she's getting up easier. She's changing so much, and all of them are signs of overall growth.

Riley called me her best friend 3 years ago, and still does. She was the new girl at school (again) three years ago, and this year, she'll be graduating with classmates she's had since third grade. She's still her own person, all while continuing to be there for others. She has found her strengths academically, and knows her weaknesses, too.

What I'm most relieved to see is she doesn't retreat into what I called her turtle shell as often as she used to. She used to suddenly get quiet and it would take forever to get her to open up about what was bothering her. Now, she openly reaches out and says how she feels. She loves to make people smile. Just this morning, we were snuggling, and she reached out to make sure Sylvia was included. She never wants anyone to feel left out. Because of her many experiences with being the new kid, she has been the first to welcome any new kid, or any kid that isn't part of the crowd now. Her friends are devoted to her because they know she is there for them. She learns from her mistakes, and if anything, I have to make sure she's not too hard on herself for making them in the first place. Of course, she's not perfect, but she remains a problem-solver and peace-maker; two qualities that are just part of who she is and always will be.

There have been times in the past three years where I wasn't sure we would make it through. I haven't felt that way in a really long time. I know that this blog and the community I've found here is a big part of the reason. Thank you for being here, supporting every step of the way so far. I hope to be here for a long time to come.

My Two Cents on Mommy Blogging/Branding

*This post has been sitting in my Drafts folder since May about 3/4 finished. Now seems as good a time as any to finally finish it. 

I had the pleasure of having some one-on-one, face-to-face conversations about this subject, most recently with Jessica Gottlieb and YvonneinLA about the oh-so-controversial issue of whether or not Mommy and her blog are getting paid what they're worth.

This is an issue that has been lingering in my mind since I started contributing to LA Moms, and all of a sudden, offers for reviews, events and link swaps are commonplace subjects in my email.

Now, before I get too ahead of myself here, I don't want anyone thinking I actually believe that I'm a top blogger on anyone's list. That's not why I started it, that's not why I continue to do it.

It actually started because of a mom community site that I belonged to where I found that I wanted to write essay-long answers to questions. I wanted to express my experience.

For me, the experience has been far greater than I ever could have imagined, and I have this great community of friends across the blogosphere!

It never occurred to me that by doing so, I would become a marketer's ally. Yet I have taken advantage of those opportunities, too. I have gotten facials and seen ice shows and of course, the Yahoo! Mother Board summit.

The question I always ask myself is this: is it worthwhile for me and my family?

Worthwhile doesn't always have to mean money to me. Worthwhile can mean opportunities that we would not otherwise have; the chance to interview Tony and Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth, for example. Seeing Riley on Dinosaur Train. But I turn down a lot of requests because my girls have aged out of the products.

I turn down (or ignore) at least half of the requests I receive. I ignored the request for fabulous Father's Day gifts, since it was clear to me she had never read a post. I reply to some, stating that I disagree with a company's practices and therefore, will not participate. I reply to some, regrettably that I have to say no because I either perceive a conflict of interest, or a scheduling conflict. It's actually getting to the point where I almost dread opening them because chances are it will be something I have to turn down.

And I know for my part as a reader of blogs, I tend to ignore a lot of the reviews. Not because I don't value that person's opinion, but because the products being reviewed simply aren't of use to me or my family.

So when you see a review post for me, there's a reason that it was worth my time and/or effort for me and my family. I cannot guarantee that the product or service will be of use to you. I will absolutely come to the product/event with an optimistic view, but I won't be afraid to say what disappointed me about it. I will write with the readers in mind to a point, but I can only talk expertly about my family's experience.

As most of you know, I'm pretty busy these days so it will take something really intriguing to get me to say yes to even review something, let alone schedule in an event, but if I do, I am doing so because I believe the time and effort will be worth it.

That's about as close as I can get to a branding guideline.

We're all growing

Riley broke up with her boyfriend earlier this week. He was a little sad, but she explained that she agreed with those who think that she's too young for a boyfriend just yet, and that it's nothing to do with him. (Cracks me up that she's already using "it's not you, it's me.")

And how friggin' cute is she in these outfits?!?

Grocery shopping with them this weekend, I realized just how much more expensive this is going to get, the older they get. On this trip alone, they wanted a new hairbrush, shaving products, hair gel, and other gender-specific items. OMG. This is really happening. Sylvia is almost my height now.

Sylvia passed the first round for the scholarship so we're crossing our fingers that she survives the 2nd round now. I checked her grades, and right now she has a B in Algebra (which is kind of phenomenal), and an A+ in Social Studies. She seems to be off to a really good start. She's loving doing the show and is counting the days until Opening Night. 

I haven't even had my first official Leadership class yet, and I'm already learning so much. I took a test where I found my strengths are in what they refer to as Relationship Building and Strategic Thinking, which was somewhat surprising because I thought my strengths would be in Execution. So far, though, what I've really taken to heart is that good leaders aren't great at everything. Knowing where my strengths are, and where they're not, is the first step. I'm really looking forward to reading more this weekend, and our first real class!

Last night we had Back to School Night at Riley's school. Well, first I had to drop off Sylvia at rehearsal, then I had to drop Riley off at my parents' house (since they would prefer kids not come to BTS), and then drive to Back to School Night, stop in at the Book Fair, then listen to the meeting, go back to pick up Riley, pick up Sylvia, and finally, we got to go home.

I like Riley's teacher, Mrs. A. The Curriculum Director told me that she has the highest test scores of anyone in the District! She doesn't believe in Spelling, which I totally get. She has the Gifted students in her class, too, and frequently gives the entire class Gifted homework, and seems to expect a lot from them, all the while making learning fun. They have a snake in the class, and she feeds him a "sleeping" rat with the class watching. The only thing I didn't like is she does those "project" book reports; the dioramas, cereal box, book-in-a-bag reports that I loathe. The Curriculum Director said she'd probably be open to having Riley write a real book report instead, but we'll see.

Work is still busy, but not as crazy busy as last week. I am, as always, trying to find that ever-elusive balance!

From Left to Write Book Club Post: Cowboy & Wills

Holloway's portrayal of motherhood in Cowboy & Wills is both unique and universal. The story unfolds just after Holloway has received the diagnosis that her son Wills is on the autism spectrum, and follows their journey from that first guilty walk into a pet store to buy hermit crabs through their years with their beloved dog, Cowboy.

While I know I can't speak for all mothers, I can say that for me, I completely relate to that feeling of "how did we get here? And what am I going to do about it?" And without beating the martyr drum, we just get through it because there is no other choice. We will overcome whatever obstacle our child faces. And sometimes, we have to get out of the way and let them do it on their own.

Thankfully, Holloway had people in her life to remind her when to step back, and let Wills push through it. That's something I've really had to work on.

I don't consider myself a Helicopter Parent by any means, but I do wonder if sometimes, I don't give my girls the room they need to grow. Sometimes, I've been guilty of overindulging them to make up for the absence of a stable father in their lives. Sometimes, I've been guilty of putting myself deeper in credit card debt because I don't want them to go without, even though we're a single-income family. Most particularly, because of all the stigma associated with single moms raising "criminals," I've felt the pressure to ensure that my daughters are more than mere statistics. I want to prove that it's not about defying the odds, but that one involved, nurturing, and responsible parent can be enough. Especially when there's no other choice.

Holloway speaks openly about some reactions she receives when it comes to Wills' autism, and how it makes her feel: from guilty to angry to exhausted, the energy we waste worrying about how we're perceived would be funny if it weren't so tragic. Parents are told in a thousand different ways and everywhere we turn how we're doing it wrong.

We're either too involved, or not involved enough. We spoil them too much, or we don't give them enough. We're too strict or too free-range. The list goes on and on. And most of us are fighting for, yes, you guessed it, balance. Every day, we're faced with a million little decisions, and, just as Holloway struggles in nearly every page, we're constantly questioning what kind of impact each of those decisions will have on our children for the rest of their lives. If I say "yes," am I too soft? If I don't help with that school project, will she get a bad grade? If I tell her how to handle her friendship problem, will it work? Will she stop talking to me about it if it doesn't work? We treat every decision like it's life or death. And sometimes, it very nearly is.

I think all parents are just a little bit crazy. And the more obstacles in front of us, the crazier we get trying so desperately to be perfect; to get it right.

The beauty of Holloway's story is those moments of pleasant surprise. As much as we try to understand the impact of everything we say and do, I am just as taken aback as Holloway is when I have a moment with my children that says, they get it. They have been listening! They have been learning!

Every now and then, I'll overhear the girls in their room, and one of them is telling the other, "Mommy said!" They say "anyway" properly, instead of the popular but meaningless "anyways." My favorite text ever from Sylvia was the one that read, "Don't say I told u so, but u were right. As always."

I wouldn't go so far as to say we need to stop fretting. (And really, like that would stop us!) I think our fretting, even worrying what other people think keeps us honest. We are constantly having to re-examine how we're doing; if we've stepped too far in the direction of overbearing or if we really need to free our schedules and just snuggle with our child for a while. I've heard the saying that we shouldn't do anything we wouldn't want printed on the cover of the New York Times. (Especially us bloggers.) Still, I hope that through our journey, we can keep our sense of humor about ourselves, as Holloway so endearingly has. And while I still don't believe that love can conquer everything, a mother's love together with our village, can come closest of all.

Read more posts on Cowboy & Wills at the book club site, From Left to Write.  

While I was given the book to read for free, I have not been compensated for this post.The link to the book is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will generate a small referral fee for me.