Seriously, get help.

I was having a bad day. I won't get into the whys of it all, on the off-chance that someone might get their feelings hurt, but less than 12 hours ago, I was an emotional wreck. Since my children didn't disappear off the face of the earth during my little breakdown, they were being affected, too. They saw me cry, which I hate, but there was little I could do to avoid it. I snapped at them unreasonably, which I hate, but I needed space that they weren't giving me. I knew there was no magical solution to my problem, but I also knew that I needed to get these feelings out. I know how much worse it can get if I don't get that chance.

So I reached out. My 2 IRL friends that I trust with this type of breakdown were unreachable. I blabbered on a few sites, cried my eyes out, read a few sympathetic responses, and it was gone. The icky, horrible feeling of hopelessness was gone.

I can usually save this stuff up for my therapy sessions, or hide out in my room when these things happen but today, I knew that solitude would only make it worse...and I couldn't very well pop on over to my therapist! I knew I needed connection. I knew I needed someone to hear me.

My kids were fine once they knew I was fine. I don't feel like I'm a bad mother for letting them see my emotion - a criticism single moms often get. I think they need to understand that bad days happen to all of us...so long as we show them reasonable ways to deal with them.

As a friend of a friend said, it's not the feelings that are the problem, but the actions which we take with them. Crying can be an acceptable response to feeling hopeless or frustrated. Talking to friends is helpful. I apologized to the girls for the unreasonable verbal snipes.

I get mad at myself for having these feelings in the first place. I tell myself they're stupid, I should be stronger than that...those words don't make me feel any better. What makes me feel better is crying. What makes me feel better is letting the emotion have its wave, and ebb and flow itself on out of me!!

Help can come in many forms. Today, it was online communities that let me say what I felt, and the moms who simply said, "yeah, I get it, and I'm sorry" that did the trick for me. Emotional breakdowns can have their place. I just need to remember to let them.

4 Loads of Laundry, 15 Dinner Assemblies, and one 2-hour Beef Roast later...

Plus Sylvia's Saturday school, an hour of searching (fruitlessly) for the DVD remote, cleaning the bathroom, 10 chapters of Eat Pray Love, and 1 argument involving all 3 of us, I'm SO ready to go back to work!!

We have a saying at work: TGIM.

Speaking of work and dinner assemblies, let me take this opportunity to do a little raving about Dream Dinners, a working mother's dream come true. Please note: this is not - in any way - a paid advertisement. Merely a shout-out to a company that actually offers a product for which I am grateful.

My boss told me about Dream Dinners probably 2 years ago, but I didn't become a believer myself until about a year ago. I was fearful that our differences in salary might make this a non-starter for me. However, it's really not that bad. Actually, I think I'm saving money.

Dream Dinners offers a variety of dinners that are nutritious, and usually very easy to get to the table within 30 minutes (tonight's 2-hour roast notwithstanding). What you do is order your dinners online, then at your session, you assemble all the ingredients according to the directions given. Everything goes in the freezer when you get home, and you're also given a cheat sheet which tells you all on one page how long each dinner will take. I usually thaw overnight for the next day's meal. Your label tells you exactly what to do, you add side dishes (either bought by DreamDinners, or at the grocery store), and dinner is done!

Cooks and non-cooks (like, um...me) can do this! Cooks love the chance to try new things, and you're welcome to change up the ingredients according to your own family's preferences. Non-cooks like me can follow this even easier than a recipe, and my only downfall has been broiling, which I now avoid.

While this is especially helpful for working moms, SAHMs can benefit as well (like this one mother of 4 which include 2-year-old twins that I know). I'd say the only thing I'd change is they don't allow anyone under the age of 12, so I can't take the girls (who really want to come, BTW). I'm not sure about vegan/vegetarian options, but I think I've read that those are available.

I usually order a meal for KIPP's potluck school functions - I've never before been able to pass myself off as a domestic goddess! Oh, yeah, and there's the added benefit that this was my ex's biggest complaint about me. I think I especially resisted getting into cooking as a rebellious measure against his...well, let's just call them mistakes. There's a special joy I get when the girls tell him on the phone that I'm making their favorite, pork chops (his fave as well). With Dream Dinners, revenge can taste oh-so-good!

Political Fatigue

I really, really can't talk about Super Tuesday anymore.

And now for something lighter: Oscars! (With the writers and producers expected to reach a deal tomorrow, I think it's safe to say the Oscars will go on.)

I've just seen a few of the Oscar-nominated movies ('cause, you know, I'm a single mom that doesn't get out much), but here's what I've seen and thought so far.

Juno: So far, my favorite movie of the year. Yes, it is this year's Little Miss Sunshine - surprisingly not controversial, really funny with rich characters. Ellen Page deserves the Oscar nod, and the movie deserves all the others. Oh, and the soundtrack is really good, too!

La Vie En Rose: I may have missed some of the greatness of this movie by (a) watching it at home via Netflix, (b) trying to knit and read subtitles at the same time (don't try that at home), and (c) not being a big Edith Piaf fan. But Marion Cotillard really was very good. I'm just kind of tired of watching movies about famous people that, sure, have some troubles, but really, just don't let it go already!

Eastern Promises: I can see why the only Oscar nod this one has is for Viggo Mortenson. Not really a spectacular movie by any means. He is good, but I liked him better in A History of Violence (and the movie better as well).

Away From Her: I won't blame the voters one bit if they give the Best Leading Actress Oscar to Julie Christie for her work in this depressing, but really good movie. However, I feel like Gordon Pinsent got sorely overlooked for an impressive performance.

Sweeney Todd: One of my favorite musicals starring one of my favorite actors. I missed the chorus and some of the cuts from the original Broadway production, but Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Tim Burton are all to be commended for this wonderful adaptation of Sondheim's most thrilling musical. (And for anyone who doesn't believe that Johnny Depp is our generation's Marlon Brando, rent Guys & Dolls.)

Ratatouille: Not my favorite Pixar movie (Finding Nemo still holds that title), but beautiful, and very well done.

Enchanted: Having not seen the other movies nominated for Best Song, of the three from Enchanted, I'd have to go with "That's How You Know." That was my favorite moment in this really fun film (Amy Adams rocked it!).

Sicko: I can't claim to be a Moore-lover or hater - sometimes, he really annoys me. But this film, I embarrassed myself by sobbing all over the place. Although, from what I hear, No End in Sight is pretty amazing, so he doesn't have it locked up this year.

And that's it. I don't think there's any way I'll be able to see all the Oscar-nominated films before the big night. Anyone with Oscar screeners? Anyone? Anyone?

For more info: go to Oscars.com.

Edited: This weekend, I watched Elizabeth: The Golden Years, for which Cate Blanchett is nominated. And I don't get that. Yeah, she was good, but there was nothing about her performance which I found remarkable. I'm not a fan of costume dramas anyway. After seeing this, I'm reminded of why. Much ado about nothing, IMO.

My Poor Kids

They've had to suffer through hours and hours of me watching election returns, gabbing on the phone with my own punditry, and probably worst of all, throwing way too much information at them about just what it was that was going on.

Riley (she's 7): What are you voting for?
Me: Well, this is to decide who is going to be the parties' nominees for President.
Riley: They're having a party?
Me: No, a party is a group of people. There are 2 groups...well, actually there are more than that, but for a long time now, it's basically been 2 groups that pick someone to run for President, and it comes down to those two...although, there have been a few third-party candidates as well. The idea of a third party is nice, but it's not strong enough right now to get a 3rd party candidate elected, so really, they just need to stay out of it.
Riley: What's for dinner?
Me: I don't know. So, see what happens is...
Sylvia (10): I want Obama to win because Clinton's had her turn in the White House.
Me: Well, no, she hasn't really. She was just the first lady, but she didn't run the country.
Sylvia: But she had her turn! It's Obama's turn now!
Me: But it doesn't work like that! It's not the same. Just because she lived there before doesn't mean she can't run for President.
Sylvia: But...
Me: Quiet! (turning the radio up to check on new returns)

Get home, throw some chicken nuggets, celery, peanut butter at the kids, turn on ABC and blast it.

Me (to myself): "OMG! I totally forgot that Peter Jennings is dead!"
Returns start coming in with Clinton victories.
Sylvia: Oh, man!
Me: Well, no, it's okay, see, because Obama can still pick up delegates from these states.
Sylvia: What are delegates?
Me: [I really can't remember what BS I babbled at this point, but trust me, it wasn't worth trying to repeat anyway!]
Sylvia: "Who did T vote for?" (T is a family friend.)
Me: I don't know. [call T.] Who'd you vote for?

Talk to T for a good half-hour - okay, probably longer than that - discussing the McCain v. Clinton, McCain v. Obama, Clinton's education plan, Obama's, etc.
Me: Oh, yeah, I have kids!

[off the phone]
Me: Riley, did you do your homework?
Riley: No.
Me: Riley, get to work.

Riley continues doing...something other than homework, but of course, I'm too glued to the TV to really notice. Phone rings, I'm off and running my mouth for another good long time. Finally realize that it doesn't look like my kids are doing much of anything.

Me (yelling now): Riley, get to work!
Me, noticing Sylvia is just standing in front of the TV.
Me: Sylvia, do your homework!
Sylvia: But this is my homework!
One of her homework assignments was to watch some coverage, and write about it in her journal. Of course, that's just one assignment.
Me: Do your other assignments first, and then you can watch it with me.

Riley's still not doing homework. Off with the TV. I totally know better! I was just hoping against hope that I could actually do it just this once.
Help Riley with her sentences for spelling, then with her math, make lunches...hey, I'm actually accomplishing stuff tonight!
Riley finishes and runs off to my room to watch some Noggin. Sylvia and I turn on the TV again. She's still bummed that Clinton's winning states. I'm ecstatic that Romney's losing them big. She writes her journal, and I ask her to read it to me. I think the last line says it all:

"Well, I'm really tired now. I think I'll go to bed."

Lesson: the next time you really want your kids to go to sleep, just talk politics all night long!

Super Tuesday!!

Man, I love Election Day! A little pathetic, I know, but I just love it. I wake up with a little butterfly action in my stomach. I think it's called hope.

This year, there is so much reason for hope. I'm so proud of both the Democrat Party's candidates. After the Edwards thing, I decided not to promote my candidate because I will proudly stand by either of them when it comes down to it.

But I had to share a "proud mama" moment. Last night, when I was figuring out when I would vote, I'd decided that it would be in the morning after I dropped Sylvia off, but before I dropped Riley off. Riley didn't seem all too thrilled since she wouldn't be able to vote. So this morning, I'd told her I'd changed my mind, but she wouldn't let me :) She wanted to be there for this thing called "voting."

Luckily, the lines weren't too long yet (although I hope that changes). After I voted, one of the poll workers offered Riley an "I Voted" sticker. Riley loves stickers, and I was surprised that she wasn't putting it on. When I asked her about it, she said, "but I didn't vote." She didn't feel worthy of wearing the sticker. She put it on one of her toys instead.

I loved being able to share this with her today. I love these moments of believing in our democratic process. I don't vote absentee or anything because I love the experience of going to my polling place, waiting for them to find my name (somehow the "McC" thing always confuses them), and punching my ink ballot in, smiling the whole time. I proudly wear my sticker all day. 4th of July's got nothing on Election Day for me when it comes to this feeling of patriotic pride. This is what it's all about.

I'm a little bummed that watching tonight's returns most likely won't result in a clear Democratic winner, but I'll still be glued to the coverage - changing channels each commercial break to see what those pundits are saying. I'll force myself at some point to go to bed, most likely with one of the news channels playing in the background. I'll shoot out of bed tomorrow morning to see if anything happened while I slept. Come November, I'll do it all again.

Politicians and pundits get the rest of the year. We get today. Election Day is ours. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

A Bushism

My brother-in-law got me a Bush Out of Office Countdown calendar this year (to go along with my Bush countdown clock screen-saver) that has Bushisms for every day of the year.

Now, I personally never thought anything could top this one: "Rarely is the question asked: 'Is our children learning?'" However, today's did. I'm not sure if I'd conveniently forgotten this one or if I'd never heard it, but here it is:

Told to a single mother of 3 in Omaha on Feb. 4, 2005, "You work three jobs?...Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."

I was going to go off on a rant about this, but I'll let our President's words do all the talking this time.

2 Field Trips in <48 hrs = 1 tired Mama!

I don't normally accompany my daughters on field trips, but roller skating with Sylvia sounded like fun, and Riley was so excited about the field trip to the Getty Museum, where adult supervision was required, there was no way I could say no to her. Unfortunately, roller skating was on Thursday, and the Getty was today. As many times as I've complained about being tired in the past, not much will surpass the level of exhaustion for such a length of time that I've been experiencing since late Thursday!

It's a small price to pay, though (well, that plus the $$ I spent at the Getty today) for two happy, satisfied daughters.

The rain is supposed to start tonight, and I'm now thankful for the productive "free" hours I spent grocery shopping, gassing the car, etc. so that we can be house-bound 'til Monday.

My only regret: I forgot to set my DVR to tape the debates on Thursday! Maybe tomorrow, I'll have time to troll the 'net for a copy.