Another Update About Stuff

Sylvia has her learner's permit and there is no better metaphor for parenting than sitting in the passenger seat, trying not to let your child see how scared to death you are and helpless you feel while she takes control of her own journey. Seeing the "rookie" mistakes, trying to correct them calmly and every so often, being met with that oh-so-lovely 16-year-old "I know, Mom!" And, as always, trying to balance the amount of times I say something with the amount of times I let her say something to me.

Sometimes I want to act like I'm in a New York City cab - where I just don't pay attention and trust that the driver won't kill me. But of course, under these conditions, it's my job to be the supervising adult so I have to stay alert and...horror of all horrors, relinquish control.

We are both experiencing growing pains. But we are getting through them, and every day, every lesson, we both get a little better.

Still seeing him. Still going well. Still weird, but good.

Got a promotion and a raise.

Still obsessed with budgeting, and so far, the obsession has been paying off. I can see a light at the end of the credit card debt tunnel, and am making small dents into other financial goals. Tiny but durable dents, and that's my real goal here. I'm not looking for big wins right now, just looking to fill any holes from becoming financial disasters.

Still stupid busy, but enjoying almost all of it.

Update and stuff

Riley was reading my blog from the beginning last week, and it reminded me of how I've let this blog slip. There are a couple of reasons for that.

The main reason is time. We're up at 5, out the door before 7, gone until 7 on the slow days. I have school twice a week, Riley has her cadet program one night a week, and every so often, there are Board meetings or just getting together with friends. Our weekends aren't much slower. Riley and I are up at 4 on Saturdays for her cadet program, then I'm busy with household chores and getting Sylvia to and from her assistant teaching. And I've been spending Sundays with the guy I've been seeing.

Yep, I'm seeing someone. It's totally unexpected, and mostly wonderful, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the whole thing. The girls know and have spent time with him, and they're happy for me. But it's just all very weird.

I've spent so much time here extolling the virtues of the single life, and I still believe in those ideals - if you're not with the right person. And I think I just might be with the right person. It's been (as he said recently) a whirlwind. Right now, I'm trying to balance the joy with making sure I don't get ahead of myself. I feel like a stupid googly-eyed school girl and part of me loves it and part of me is trying to keep my feet firmly planted.

This blog has mostly been about being a struggling single mom with a deadbeat and limited future. I don't talk about parenting much anymore, and I'm still single but in a relationship and even my ex has been more responsible lately! Everything is upside down. Or right side up? (Could be? Who knows?)

I guess I have new things to balance now. And I hope to show up here every so often to try and get perspective.

Financial Update: Positive Net Worth

It's that time of year again - tax refund time!

YNAB is rubbing off on me in good ways. Instead of spending 1/3 of the $$ on shiny new things, I put 2/3 towards Rainy Day Funds, and the rest was split between credit card debt and fun $$. Instead of new toys, I'm saving most of the fun money to buy Newsies tickets when it comes to town.

I have met my first three savings goals: living on last month's income, $2k in my Car Maintenance RD fund, and insurance. I now have a positive net worth that has a fighting chance of staying in the black.

Next up: pay off the credit card debt (approx. $7,100 - below the national average, but still way too high, of course). It is conceivable to have it paid off in 3 years.

The YNAB blog encouraged us to answer some questions about our financial future. He uses 40 as the goal, but I'll have to answer for where I want to be when I'm 50:

Make a Wish List

Debt-free (obviously), including student loan debt (I've still a long way to go there, but in almost 10 years from now, I'd like for that to be gone, too).  I don't want a mortgage, either, but that would be the only acceptable debt.

Fully-stocked Emergency Fund - It's still at the "baby" level. I'd like to have at least 6 months' worth of living expenses saved, preferably 8.

Imagine Failure

It may sound negative, but as a believer in the Power of Negative Thinking myself, I get it. It would feel pretty awful if I still had consumer debt 10 years from now. It's not that I'm a big spender, so I think if it happened, I'd most likely have bigger problems. I can, however, spend money mindlessly and a little bit here and there can add up quickly.

The only other reason I would have debt is if I went back to school - which isn't entirely out of the question. So if that were the case, it would only be acceptable if I had a solid plan in place to pay it off. And, of course, no consumer debt.

If I still didn't have at least 6 months' emergency savings, then that would tell me I'd taken on too many monthly/annual expenses. It would be time to make some serious cut-backs again.

Dig Into Why Failure Would Hurt So Much

This one's totally easy for me. I spent quite a few days feeling pretty crappy in Dec of 2012 when my high-interest credit card went from a zero balance to carrying a balance again. I could not believe I'd done that again.

Yet, when I started digging into it, I was able to start making changes for the better. Feeling that crappy was the impetus for the turn-around. But I'm getting far too old to go through that again. If it happened again in the next 10 years, I would be extremely disappointed in myself and wouldn't have much confidence in my ability to dig my way out. Again.

It was only weeks ago that the Car Maintenance fund was down to about $10. Now it's fully funded. It was only weeks ago that my credit card debt looked like it was there to stay for around 10 years. Now, unless there's a financial disaster, I have a plan to pay it off in 3 years. It was only days ago that my net worth was negative. Now, I have a viable plan to keep it that way.

First 2014 Financial Update and YNAB on Sale (Today Only)

Yes, I'm at it again! Well, I haven't really stopped with my obsession with YNAB and budgeting - just trying not to blabber about it as much.

But every morning, with my coffee, I go back and forth from staring at my budget to browsing the YNAB forum. Because I am now buffered (i.e., living on last month's income), there's not much for me to do on the budget on a daily basis, but I still like absorbing it.

I have clearly defined savings goals: the first two are $2k in Car Maintenance and $300 for Theatre Tickets, and both should be accomplished with my tax refund. Of course, the Car Maintenance will decrease almost immediately as I believe I'll need brakes next service, but I'll be so much closer! And while I realize most people wouldn't make theatre tickets a number 2 savings goal, I'm still me and if I don't budget for it, I will get myself into trouble. A budget is, after all, not supposed to control you but the other way around. Theatre is an important value and I don't mind spending money on it.

That's truly what YNAB has helped me do. Not just the software and forums, but the blog and the podcasts all remind me that my money should go towards what's important to me.

We haven't missed DirecTV (and my electric bill went down almost $20 this month!). Oh, I've missed a few things here and there. I'd been listening to the State of the Union in the car, and if I still had cable, I would've turned it on when we got home. I could have found it online, but I didn't want to be bothered. Riley had had enough of it anyway, so instead I spent some time with her - way more fun! I purchased a Roku and subscribed to HuluPlus, so I watch The Daily Show a day late (which usually was the case anyway) and a few shows, I will have to wait until the season is over - but then I can binge watch. And even with the monthly subscriptions, I'm still saving over $60 a month. (Not to mention the lower electric bill.)

There are other savings goals waiting in the wings. Those categories are currently hidden because I've decided it's better to take them one at a time rather than trying to sprinkle a little here and there. It's similar to why I don't multi-task; one thing at a time works so much better for me.

Except when it comes to paying down debt. While I'm not doing a "snowball" or "avalanche," as many financial experts say, I'm paying more than the minimum. It's been a year now since I've charged anything, and I'm happy and relieved about that. But I don't want to find myself in a situation like I have before where the credit card is my only option. (Interesting that at that time, I wasn't at all ready to let go of the cable. What a difference a year makes.) It's becoming more important to me to pay off that debt nearly every day, but I also have to do what's comfortable for me. My safety net isn't quite as secure as I'd like it to be to throw everything at it just yet.

But it's so much stronger than it was a year ago. I'm loving the progress I've made, and feel pretty good about it.

So today only, YNAB is available for 50% off using this discount. I do not get any referral fee for that discount, but this link has a smaller discount and generates a small referral fee for me and is available every day.

Roller Coaster

There's just no other way to describe things right now. Very high highs, and some lows. I'm not much of a multi-tasker so I'm riding these waves of emotions, dependent upon what's in front of me at the moment. Some is thoroughly depressing, some frustrating, and something really great, too.

Yeah, that's cryptic, I know.

But I was just reading back on my last post and how I just need to deal with what I can. Except it's just not that easy. Some of the things I have to deal with bring me down. Like a lot.

I feel like, before I really deal with some of these things, I need to work on my emotional balance. I'm loving my highest of highs, but then it's just that much farther I have to drop. Still...the happy is really quite wonderful. 

Which oddly, reminds me of something I heard on the radio the other day which struck me as incredibly stupid. An expert on earthquakes was talking about myths and urban legends associated with the quakes (being in SoCal, the 20th Anniversary of the Northridge Earthquake makes the earth shaking all the talk right now).

So she was talking about whether cats or dogs really know in advance as oftentimes people describe their animals acting funny right before a "big one." She was trying to explain that they may feel some of the smaller tremors leading up to a bigger shake and she said it's because their feet are "closer to the ground."

Wait, what?!?

Their feet are NOT closer to the ground. Their feet are on the same ground as humans!

Now, what I think she was trying to say is that the whole of their bodies are closer to the ground, and maybe they feel the smaller shakes more intensely than us. But no, I've never seen paws sink further in the asphalt than my own.

Okay, so why do I bring that up? Because it makes me realize, my own "low ground" is still at the same place. So I get a little higher off the ground with my highs. That's a good thing. The bad things are still going to suck no matter what, so I might as well enjoy the really good things and just deal with the other stuff.

There actually might be an argument to be made that I will have more inner strength to deal with the not-so-great, thanks to the boosts I'm getting from the good stuff going on right now.

So I'll take the roller coaster and enjoy the awesome parts of the ride. And hold on tight for the rest. 

Helpless = Lack of Control

Ironic that today's writing prompt in Daily Post's 365 Daily Prompts is "helpless." That's how I'm feeling right now.

I have plans, I have goals and wants, but none of them can happen at this moment. I hate having to wait. I'm impatient and I'm restless and aching to move forward, but I can't. Feeling helpless and not in control do not sit well with me.

I think I've mentioned before that I need to be busy. The busier I am, the more I thrive. Even if it feels overwhelming at times, I know that if I just do one thing at a time, it will get done.

Some things on my list, however, cannot get done right now. When I have to wait for time to pass or someone to get back to me, I somehow think that if I just obsess over it a little more, it will come to fruition. Even though that has never worked for me.

But even as I write this, I am remembering something important. There are some things I can control. There are some things that I can do right now. I have certainly gotten better about being "in the moment," but it's so easy to forget that sometimes. And writing this is meeting one of those goals - get back to blogging more regularly!

2013 Review and Looking Ahead to 2014

I hate resolutions - but I do love a good excuse to look back and look ahead.

I have two teenaged girls now and don't talk about parenting them here on the blog as much as I used to, but suffice it to say it's much of the same. Some days, I feel like we're doing great, and others I worry that I've completely failed them. Most days, however, I recognize that we're all just human and I'm doing the best I can as a mom, just taking it one day, one problem, one hour at a time. So every year, my parenting review is much the same - mixed. As long as we get through 2014 without me feeling like a complete failure as a parent, a mixed review is the best I can really expect for the new year.

This was a rough end-of-year for my family. My uncle died and I just got back from his funeral. I've never seen my grandma in so much pain before and that was difficult. I saw men in my family that are almost always so even-keeled break down in tears. I will miss my uncle very much, but I am comforted by the fact that he's no longer in pain. Thanks to Sylvia, we all had a "uniform" for the funeral in memory of my uncle's favorite outfit. Seeing us like that reminded me that we are indeed a force that cannot be denied, despite any pain or trivial battles, and we will continue to be strong and united for whatever 2014 brings.

I always feel at the end of a year that I did not spend enough time with the friends I truly love. This year is no different. Having said that, there are always opportunities during the year that bring me new loved ones and reunite me with old friends. The best I can do is continue how I have been - saying yes when I can, and remaining open.

2014 will be the last year of school - for now. January - May will be busy completing that, and then June - August will be crazed with producing the musical. I need to remember to take breaks when I can, and try not to complain too much.  I love school, I love producing, and even though neither of them are easy, that's why they're so rewarding.

I am learning that balance means some things have to go by the wayside every so often, and priorities constantly need shifting. I just hope for a year where I succeed at that more often than not.

My best wishes for a 2014 that is filled with love, laughter and music.