My Beautiful Sylvia

Happy, happy birthday, lovely girl!

I thought 13 was going to be a lot harder than that! 12, I think we can agree, was tough. But your first year of being a teenager was surprisingly wonderful!

We talked a lot, we laughed a lot, and hugged a lot. Yes, there were tears and trouble, too, but for the most part, those were all growing pains.

I can't tell you how proud I am of you. You have accomplished so much in your life already. You've been paid as a performer, you've been flown to New Orleans as a dancer and scholarship winner, you've been praised by so many. Every opportunity you've been given, you've cherished.

You're a fiercely loyal friend, you're not afraid to be yourself, and you can even laugh at yourself.

You are slowly but surely finding your footing in high school. You have made friends that will most likely be life-long friends. You are learning to take criticism just as gracefully as you take praise. You are having to manage an awful lot of responsibilities, and you are figuring out how to do that. You're learning when to ask for help.

You are my everything, as you have been for the last 14 years. I can't bear to think about how little time I have left with you; waking you up every morning, saying good-night to you every night. So I won't. Instead, I'll just cherish this day with you, as I have cherished every day of your life, and every day to come with you.

I love everything about who you are, and who you are becoming. Thank you for everything of your world that you share with me, because you are my world.

Happy birthday, Sylvia.

My Beautiful Riley

Happy, happy birthday, Riley!

Words could never say just how much, how fiercely, how completely I love you; how honored I am to be your mom, to get to watch you grow up.

Not to mention, how proud I am of you. You are thriving in middle school and I'm so happy for you! Not just of your straight A student status, but you are happy, you are involved in so many activities, and every day, you tell me your day was awesome. It's everything I wanted for you, and you are taking full advantage of every opportunity.

I love that you are seeing the world differently now. I love that you understand how what you learn in every subject applies to not only the other subjects, but to everyday life.

I love your sense of humor. You make me laugh every day with your observations, with your silliness.

I love that you make sure we hold our family meetings, that you cherish family, that you're so appreciative.

You still have mad problem-solving skills, and you're not afraid to use them. You're not perfect, but you make every effort to learn from your mistakes. You're also getting better at not being too hard on yourself.

I have so many great memories of your 10th year. I can't wait to see what memories 11 holds for us.

I love you, Riley. I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

Great Memories; Past and Present

We went to Disneyland for the girls' birthdays this weekend, as we have every year for the last 8 years. They participated in one of the children's events, and were the biggest kids in the group. When did that happen?

I remember the trips where I'd be afraid they'd get lost in the crowd. I remember fighting through the throngs with the stroller, waiting in the long lines for the kiddie rides where there are no fast passes available.

Now, just the two of them will go on some rides and stay in touch via cell phone. We know when to hold hands and navigate our way through the crowds, and they want to skip the parades and fireworks just as much as I do. We were all ready to leave at the same time, no one upset that we didn't get to a certain ride, no threats given that if they didn't behave, we'd leave.

I had all these memories of previous trips this time around; when they danced with Mary Poppins and the High School Musical show, the first picture we took with Minnie Mouse, the day Riley was finally tall enough for Soarin'.

I was most struck, however, by the fact that I don't miss that. The memories are enough. I can appreciate the memories, but I also appreciate who they are today.

And I appreciate what hasn't changed. Like these annual trips to Disneyland that always end with churros.

Me and B

Writing prompt I chose:

4.) Share the story behind your current Facebook and/or Twitter profile photo.

That's me and B.

We met a little over 8 years ago, and she quickly became part of our chosen family. Sylvia has described B as her "other mom." B's that kind of lady; looks out for everyone.

She has cancer. She's been fighting it for a year now. She had two cancer-free months this summer, and then, the bitch was back.

When she was diagnosed, I made a Locks of Love donation in her name. My hair's not long enough to do it again just yet (though I will continue to grow it out and donate again...and again and again for as long as I can). I'm not smart enough to cure cancer, so what could I do? I could change my profile pic. Stupid, I know, but it was something. A way to send a message to her and all of our mutual friends that she's on my mind all the time.

Plus, this happens to be one of the few pics of myself I actually like. It's because she's making me smile as usual, feeling the warmth of her love, and all the support she's given me and my family through the years. And she looks great, doesn't she?

We were at a fundraiser (because that's B; always giving back) with a 20's theme. We drank and laughed a lot that night. Most of our memories together are of drinks and laughter, tears and laughter, hugs and laughter. B is always love and laughter.

B, I love you.

Life Well Lived: Purse Organization

As part of BlogHer's Life Well Lived program, we were asked:

What are the biggest issues you have in keeping your purse organized and neat and what is the best advice you have to keep your purse neat and orderly?  What 3 things in your purse are must haves and what 3 could you live without?

I seriously love my purse. It's huge, it has compartments, and holds anything and everything I think I may need. I love it even more because it cost me $2 at a yard sale.  

So my advice? Get a bigger purse. And spend as little on it as possible.

This is where I lose my self-respecting girl status: I don't care if it matches, I won't change purses depending on the event, and I will use my purse until it falls apart.

3 must-haves:

1. Wallet
2. Keys
3. Work i.d.

3 could live without (theoretically):

1. Aleve (because I also keep a bottle at home and at work)
2. Cell phone (only because I still remember a time I didn't have one)
3. Blackberry (because I have...but it was really, really hard!)

How many things do I actually have in my purse?  Far more than that!

This may not sound very organized, but to me, it completely is. I keep my grocery list (and my calendar) in my Blackberry so that I'm sure not to forget it when I go grocery shopping. My purse even has a pen holder, which comes in very handy. In a pinch, the girls can play games on my cell phone if they're bored. I can hold my sister's cell phone or my daughter's wallet when they want their hands free.  I can usually find a quarter in there if I have to feed a parking meter. I can even fit the junk mail to shred at work in my behemoth bag.

Things I don't keep in my purse:

1. Make-up (again, losing girl points)
2. Receipts (once I take a glance, I recycle fairly routinely)
3. Camera (still or Flip, I always forget the camera, which ends up being okay)

In the interest of full disclosure, this is actually my 2nd post on purses (weird, huh?), and while I did enjoy the Beijo bag, I eventually had to accept that I'm a big bag lady.

If you'd rather not carry your weight in your purse, check out BlogHer's Life Well Lived post on purse organization. And enter the sweepstakes for $250. How much of that $250 would end up in your purse?

Scrooge-like for Halloween

I am so not a fan of Halloween. I think trick-or-treating is weird. I'm not all that into candy.  I don't see the need to pay someone to scare me. I don't like dressing up, and I don't like trying to help the girls come up with costumes. Even as a kid, it was never a favorite holiday.

Of course, my first-born had to be born on this day. She loves it, and Riley loves it. When it comes to Halloween, they're normal, despite me.

For years, I've swallowed my discomfort, I've put on a happy face (though not a costume), and have taken the girls trick-or-treating. I'm so ready to retire.

I was hoping that with both girls out of elementary school, they would also be done with trick-or-treating. Nope, both still want to go.

I know, this is supposed to be one of those cherished memories. I prefer remembering the trips to Disneyland, the family dinners, the laughter. I mean, not every moment of childhood can be cherished! If everything's worth remembering, then nothing's special.


The girls want to plan their costumes and what we'll do. I just want it to be November already.

What does one call a Scrooge for Halloween? Whatever it is, that's me.

More Single Mom Statistics

A while back, I made a public comment at a city council meeting. I began by saying, "I'm a single, working mom, and the last thing I want for my children is to end up as a statistic."

Another statistic has been released. The title: Single moms report worse health in middle life.Oh, joy.

When I read the article, however, there was actually more substance to it.

The findings suggest public health campaigns to promote marriage, which were started by the government in 1996 and aimed at single, low-income mothers, may not improve these women's health as once hoped, the researchers said.

This reminded me, of course, of the debate I had with the pro-marriage dude who called me a national disaster. I don't remember if I ever wrote about it, but I also had a lengthy conversation with someone from the federal healthy marriages project not long after that. By the end of it, we had to agree to disagree. Still, I think it's time I followed up with him to inquire why our federal government continues to fund marriage incentive programs, particularly with all the other issues.

The article goes on to state:

It's important to note a bad relationship or bad marriage also can be deleterious to one's health.

I can say this absolutely was true for me. I remember once, during my relationship with X, I looked at a list of the Top 10 Stress Factors (that pointed out that having 3 or more of them would most likely land you in a hospital). I was at the time experiencing 7 of those 10. The first few years of single motherhood were bumpy, no doubt, but the last 3 have been the most settled of my adulthood.

The conclusion of the study seems to me the most important, most useful information for single moms, their children, and society at large:

The study suggested policymakers should look for other ways to help single mothers improve their health, Williams said, such as providing access to job training, child care assistance and health insurance.

Yes, single parenthood is hard, but it's made that much harder if you can't make enough money to support your family, can't find affordable quality child care, or you can't take your kids to the doctor.

Most single parents I've met aren't looking for hand-outs. I know that the majority of my influence as a parent comes from I do, not what I say. I'm okay with telling them there's not enough money to go to the latest movie, or to take them out to eat every night. I'm not okay with them not having a safe place to go after school. I'm not okay with losing my job because of a massive lay-off (and not because of my work product). I'm not okay with not having adequate healthy dinners to feed them because the healthier grocery options are out of my budget.*

It's important to look beyond the statistics, beyond a "sexy" headline, and get into what it really means to be a single parent family. Chances are, there are worse alternatives.

(*Note: none of this is true for me today, but possibilities, prior experiences, and underlying fears.)