National Coffee Day

Who knew this was a real thing, but apparently, today is National Coffee Day. I've always loved the song Taylor, the Latte Boy, but I think I may love the rebuttal even more.

Budgeting Update: Reality Smackdown

Cars, as we know, cost us as soon as we drive them off the lot. My beloved car was driven off the lot 10 years ago. Over 120,000 miles ago. It's starting to get fun.

Ironically, just as my car hit 120k is about the same time that I went from commuting about 9 miles a day to about 60 miles a day. Timing; it's everything.

My check engine light came on. I made the mistake of trying to hope for the best instead of prepare for the worst. I'd hoped that my mechanic would find nothing wrong. Not the case. So I've had about 18 hours to figure out how to pay nearly a grand of unexpected costs.

This is one of those moments where it feels worse than it should. For the most part, I can get along just fine, better than fine, given our circumstances. But every so often, the circumstances win. The reality is that I started over 8 years ago, am raising two kids completely on my own, and have chosen to drive 50 miles out of my way to give them the best opportunities possible. That doesn't have its consequences.

The consequences are that I'm still living paycheck to paycheck, and there is no spare thousand lying around for these moments.

If I believed in regret, I could start kicking myself, but then, how far back do I go? I could say I shouldn't have bought the laptop...or for that matter, gotten married, or for that matter...no. There's no point in all that.

So I have to put more on the credit card. So I have to come up with a little creative financing. So I'll have to re-evaluate the budget again.

This is the life I've chosen for us. All things considered, I stand by those choices. Which includes, of course, paying for them.

Still, kinda sucks sometimes.

Presently April Dawn

For approximately 15 years, I've been Formerly April Dawn. For the past two months, I've had the opportunity to be April Dawn, the actress, again.

I keep having these moments of integrating my past into my present. This is another one.

I've always hated labels, because I don't like to think of myself as just one thing. I'm not just a single mom, just a paralegal, just an actress, just a blogger. And there are very few times that I am one thing at a time. I like to juggle, but not just because it's challenging to figure out how to be two places at once.

I think that each experience enhances the others. I think I can be a better mom, a better actress, a better employee because of what I learn from being a blogger, a Leadership student, a head of household. I like playing with these different facets. I like finding the unexpected similarities and complementary differences.

I have only one regret about this experience - but since I don't really believe in regret, a lesson learned, really. I wish I hadn't limited my bio to my previous experience as April Dawn. I wish I'd included more of who I am today.

As this experience comes to an end, I don't know what label will replace this one. I didn't know about this one until the opportunity presented itself. I will just continue to be open to new labels, new experiences, and finding new labels.

Oh, in the midst of all this, I acquired a new label: I became a Top SoCal Mom blogger on Circle of Moms! Thanks to everyone who helped make that happen.

Weekend Reading

Sometimes, it feels like we're parenting in a fish bowl. That's the topic of my post for MomsLA.

True Love

Photo: Stock Xchng/flaivoloka

My desire to celebrate being single can sometimes be misconstrued as a slam against couples. It's really not meant that way.

There are a few couples in my life that I know with certainty belong together; their partnership strengthens each other, and they can't imagine a life without each other. Those marriages are very cool. You can see and feel the true love between them.

True love can be about other relationships. Talking about loving my children is too easy. There are other true loves of my life.

My best friend, K, is a true love of my life. We don't see each other often, but the connection remains strong. We bring out the best in each other. We respect, value, and complement each other. We just don't have to do so every day.

One of my work friends is a true love. I know she will be a part of my life forever. Even though we live hours away from each other, have family commitments, and other obstacles, we still make time to spend together outside of the workplace. She is often my theatre date, and we have a wonderful time together. I can't imagine my life without her, and I know I don't have to.

Theatre itself is a true love. It's been a part of my life since I was 6 years old, and it's my longest truest love outside of family. I will make personal sacrifices to see a new favorite musical, I've watched every Tonys broadcast since 1984. I crave them, can't get through a day without 'em. Musicals are my constant companions.

I try to fill as many hours of my life as I can with things I love and people I love, truly love: respect, value, and crave. They give back in ways that fill my soul. From the day I could finally download The Book of Mormon, to the Thursdays I have marked in my calendar for lunch with my best work friend, to the moments in the car with the girls while we belt out our favorite songs from musicals, I experience true love every day.

Alone and Lonely are Not the Same

Photo: Stock Xchng/CWMGary

In the past few years, I've become more aware of the references around us that being single isn't okay. The most common argument against being single is that you might end up alone. As if being alone means you're destined for a life of loneliness.

This subject is probably different for a single parent than someone that's child-free, but I don't think it's just about kids.

And frankly, I love my children more than anything, more than I've ever loved anyone, more than I could ever love anyone else. I don't want to live with them for 40 years. I can't imagine any one person's company being so fabulous that I'd want to see them every single day for decades to come.

That's not to say that I don't want or need people in my life.  I love spending hours with a friend, talking. I prefer one-on-one interaction over parties, but a small group is okay, too. Over the years, I've been fortunate enough to find more than a handful of friends whose company is (almost) always welcome.
I have awesome friends from every facet of my life; actor friends and friends I've known since I was a teenager, and friends from this job and previous jobs and blogger friends, and the list gets longer every year. Not to mention, a really huge family. There's always someone with whom I'd be happy to spend some quality time.

That's not to say that everyone's available to me 24/7. In the earlier years of single parenthood, there were definitely lonely moments where I got a friend's voice mail instead of their ear when I thought I needed it. And you know what? I survived those moments. I learned that loneliness is like every other emotion: with a beginning, a middle and an end. I would blog or cry or turn on the TV or read a book, or just sit with it until it passed. I can do that again.

I felt loneliness far more often when I was married. There are some married moms who feel like single moms, and I know what they mean because I was there. That was way worse for me.

Being alone isn't a fate worse than death. Solitude, to me, is freedom. I control the remote, I can listen to musicals until I'm sick to death of them (hasn't happened yet), I can go out or stay in, I can be silly without fear of judgment...and often am. I can just be me.

*I'm celebrating National Unmarried and Singles Week.

Happily Singled Resources

Over the years, I've found some great blogs and sites* that celebrate being single all year long: 

Onely - Lisa and Christina graciously took the helm of National Unmarried and Singles Week this year, and have also started an Open Salon for onelies.

Bella DePaulo is the nation's foremost expert on single issues. I'm honored to call her my friend. Her book Singled Out is phenomenal. Her Psychology Today blog is one of the first I found that opened my world, and she's also started another site, All Things Single.

First Person Singular has nice, bite-sized looks at the singular life.

The Spinsterlicious Life usually says what I want to say, but nicer.

I love Isaa's Your Single Parenting site, as well as her personal blog, Single Mama NYC. Every Sunday, she features a different single mom blog.

As I've mentioned previously, BigLittleWolf is a constant source of inspiration and hope for me.

I'm a member of the FootlooseFemails group (yes, gents, only ladies allowed on this one).

Bella, being the expert and all, is compiling a more in-depth list of singles sites and blogs.  She also brought to our attention this NY Times article on singles.

*Partial listing only.