I expected that I'd get more emotional about Riley finishing elementary school, especially since I really did love the school and the parents and others I met there. Still, I can't seem to get worked up about it. Right now, I'm just enjoying life without monthly book reports and homework, and easier mornings and nights.
And I'm thrilled to be done with Sylvia's middle school! It wasn't until the very end that I finally came across a few teachers and one counselor that I could appreciate, but it was too little, too late. I'm proud of how Sylvia came out of it a better person, but I think it was mostly in spite of and not because of her school.
I don't think the new school year will make me wistful, either. I'm too excited about their schools to come.
At the same time, I think that's also how I'm feeling about life in general. I'm just not looking back that much anymore. I'm looking forward.
It was 8 years ago that I put myself and the girls and our cat on a plane and truly left my husband and our lives in Rochester, NY back to L.A.
When I first got here, I thought I was moving backward. And in many ways, I was. I was living with my parents again (only with two daughters this time). I had no car, no money, no job. I was starting completely over.
But at the time, that's not how I saw it. I was afraid I'd just wasted years of my life. After the first few steps forward (a job, a car, a place to call our own), I thought that was it; the rest of my life was going to be one long, uphill struggle. And for a few years, it was.
But then, I got a college degree. And then I got a promotion. And my kids went from these little helpless girls to girls with their own opinions, their own ambitions, their own personalities. And now, I've graduated from this leadership program where I met these amazing people and walked among them.
Yes, we did all graduate in these past few weeks. But theirs were called promotions, and mine might as well have been, too. Because these ceremonies weren't about our past accomplishments, but about the new expectations upon all of us. To do more, to be more. So we're looking forward, readying ourselves for what's next. Some knowns, lots of unknowns, preparing however we can. And in the meantime, soaking up the joy that is our present.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
My Not So Little Girls
My elementary school graduate and my middle school graduate, excited for the next chapter to begin.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Other People
Riley's 5th Grade Promotion was very, very nice. Riley looked so sweet, and the slideshow at the end was beautiful. I don't think I was geared up to get emotional, but even if I'd wanted to, the mood would have been shattered anyway. By other people.
There was a note in the invite to please leave strollers and balloon bouquets in the back of the auditorium. I appreciated that. I would've appreciated it even more had people paid attention. Instead a woman behind me tried to hold her balloons down, but they were too close to my hair for my comfort. And the sound...doesn't help that I have a thing against balloons anyway, I'm sure. Balloon bouquets were scattered throughout the auditorium.
I suppose I should just be grateful they weren't obstructing my view. Not to say my view wasn't obstructed sometimes. By parents standing to take photos or wave, choosing to be completely oblivious to other people who were trying to also take pics of their students from their seats, or simply trying to enjoy the moment not through a lens, but in real life!
Some families tried to prove how much their kid was loved by screaming the loudest. I'm all for making a little noise, letting your child hear you cheer them on...but there's no need to act like you're seeing Elvis rise up from the dead! And if you get this outrageous for elementary school promotion, just how high will the expectations be for middle school, high school, college? Some students may opt out of post-graduate degrees just to avoid the embarrassment!
In spite of the other people, it was a very nice ceremony, and I'm so proud of Riley.
Maybe I'd be more excited if I didn't know we're about to enter middle school again? Yikes.
There was a note in the invite to please leave strollers and balloon bouquets in the back of the auditorium. I appreciated that. I would've appreciated it even more had people paid attention. Instead a woman behind me tried to hold her balloons down, but they were too close to my hair for my comfort. And the sound...doesn't help that I have a thing against balloons anyway, I'm sure. Balloon bouquets were scattered throughout the auditorium.
I suppose I should just be grateful they weren't obstructing my view. Not to say my view wasn't obstructed sometimes. By parents standing to take photos or wave, choosing to be completely oblivious to other people who were trying to also take pics of their students from their seats, or simply trying to enjoy the moment not through a lens, but in real life!
Some families tried to prove how much their kid was loved by screaming the loudest. I'm all for making a little noise, letting your child hear you cheer them on...but there's no need to act like you're seeing Elvis rise up from the dead! And if you get this outrageous for elementary school promotion, just how high will the expectations be for middle school, high school, college? Some students may opt out of post-graduate degrees just to avoid the embarrassment!
In spite of the other people, it was a very nice ceremony, and I'm so proud of Riley.
Maybe I'd be more excited if I didn't know we're about to enter middle school again? Yikes.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Now I Get Sappy
So all things considered, I did really well while Sylvia was gone. There were no tearful goodbyes at the airport when she left, we kept in touch while she was gone, and while I thought of her often, I was okay with it. Part of that, I'm sure, was because I was pretty busy myself, but also, I just didn't see any reason to worry.
I picked her up at the airport, and we went to my parents' house so she could tell all of us at once about her trip. She endured all of our questions, shared her funny stories, and had gifts for all of us.
When we got home, I got all sappy and held back the tears. She'd done it. She'd packed herself (wouldn't even let me check her suitcase), had this amazing trip, and made it back all in one piece. She'd even handled our "interrogation" with no eye-rolling! And the gifts she'd picked out for each of us were just perfect; so thoughtful, and clearly selected with a lot of love.
How did she get to be this mature?
Riley and I spent some time looking at a baby pic of Sylvia that had been returned from the yearbook committee right before she left. It seems like just yesterday she was that little girl, not a care in the world, no thoughts of future beyond the next minute. Now, she's old enough to pack for a 6-day trip without any help from Mom, experience new sights and food without anyone coaxing her to just try it, and perform a dance number that brought the house to a standing ovation.
Still, my sappiness isn't one of longing for those days. Just overwhelming pride in what she's accomplished. And gratitude that I've been there every step of the way.
I picked her up at the airport, and we went to my parents' house so she could tell all of us at once about her trip. She endured all of our questions, shared her funny stories, and had gifts for all of us.
When we got home, I got all sappy and held back the tears. She'd done it. She'd packed herself (wouldn't even let me check her suitcase), had this amazing trip, and made it back all in one piece. She'd even handled our "interrogation" with no eye-rolling! And the gifts she'd picked out for each of us were just perfect; so thoughtful, and clearly selected with a lot of love.
How did she get to be this mature?
Riley and I spent some time looking at a baby pic of Sylvia that had been returned from the yearbook committee right before she left. It seems like just yesterday she was that little girl, not a care in the world, no thoughts of future beyond the next minute. Now, she's old enough to pack for a 6-day trip without any help from Mom, experience new sights and food without anyone coaxing her to just try it, and perform a dance number that brought the house to a standing ovation.
Still, my sappiness isn't one of longing for those days. Just overwhelming pride in what she's accomplished. And gratitude that I've been there every step of the way.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Full Steam Ahead
It's been a crazy week. I closed one chapter, opened another, all while Sylvia was having the time of her life on her trip.
The insanity started the week before, when I had the crazy idea to audition for a musical. Haven't done that in I don't know how many years.
Sylvia was already auditioning, and I asked her what she thought about it. She thought I should. Actually, she said she didn't really care either way. In teen-speak, I think that's approval!
During that first audition, I was totally freaking out. I hadn't done this in a whole lot of years! Didn't help that the accompanist and I started in different measures, but soon enough, it worked out. Then I had to read a scene. Then I had to dance. Thankfully, nothing too difficult, but it's been forever since I've had to learn choreography.
Over the weekend, we got the news that I'd been called back, but Sylvia was too young. We thought that might happen. She took it well. She has so much going on in her life right now that it might have been too much for her.
For the call-back, I had to learn a song from the show. Another thing I haven't done in so many years. But the more I practiced, the more I remembered.
I hadn't told anyone besides the girls what I was doing. I ran into someone I knew, and vowed them to secrecy as well. It was hard enough to get myself into this without other people asking me how it went.
Tuesday morning, at 5 a.m., I put Sylvia on a plane. Tuesday evening, at 6 p.m., I was at a call-back. I sang, read various scenes with various actors, learned another dance routine...and I had the best time! I'm sure there were some things I could've done better, but for my first time out, I felt like I'd conquered the most difficult part; getting over my nerves.
The day after the call-back, I graduated from my leadership class. I've had the most amazing time with this experience. I've met amazing people, I've learned things about myself and my community that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I tried new things. I was completely exhausted, but thrilled and honored to have been part of it.
The next day, I was offered a small role in the production.
I don't expect to be doing shows on a regular basis, but once a year might be fun. I feel like it completes the circle of integrating my past into my present.
When I first started this journey as a single mom, it felt like there weren't any choices left that I could make for myself. While I accepted the responsibilities and sacrifices that come with being a mom, it took a long time to feel like there was room for me, too. I enjoyed going back to school, but it was still something I did for the girls. Starting this blog was the first thing I did just for me. Being a mom, of course, is still a big part of my blogging. The leadership class ended up showing me that there was still a lot I could do. Doing this show is not just about me, either. I think it also shows them that it's never too late. That you can still have things in your life you do just for fun.
My girls have asked me plenty of times what it was like for me to perform, and then not to perform. They are excited that they'll get to see me on stage. They get to see a glimpse of who I was before I was "Mommy."
During this crazy week, Sylvia has called and texted with bits and pieces of her trip. She's had the best time.
This week will be another kind of crazy. They are both graduating from their schools. I've gone to my last PTA meeting. I will no longer have a child in elementary school. And all of us are so excited about the future, we're full steam ahead to see what's next. For all of us.
The insanity started the week before, when I had the crazy idea to audition for a musical. Haven't done that in I don't know how many years.
Sylvia was already auditioning, and I asked her what she thought about it. She thought I should. Actually, she said she didn't really care either way. In teen-speak, I think that's approval!
During that first audition, I was totally freaking out. I hadn't done this in a whole lot of years! Didn't help that the accompanist and I started in different measures, but soon enough, it worked out. Then I had to read a scene. Then I had to dance. Thankfully, nothing too difficult, but it's been forever since I've had to learn choreography.
Over the weekend, we got the news that I'd been called back, but Sylvia was too young. We thought that might happen. She took it well. She has so much going on in her life right now that it might have been too much for her.
For the call-back, I had to learn a song from the show. Another thing I haven't done in so many years. But the more I practiced, the more I remembered.
I hadn't told anyone besides the girls what I was doing. I ran into someone I knew, and vowed them to secrecy as well. It was hard enough to get myself into this without other people asking me how it went.
Tuesday morning, at 5 a.m., I put Sylvia on a plane. Tuesday evening, at 6 p.m., I was at a call-back. I sang, read various scenes with various actors, learned another dance routine...and I had the best time! I'm sure there were some things I could've done better, but for my first time out, I felt like I'd conquered the most difficult part; getting over my nerves.
The day after the call-back, I graduated from my leadership class. I've had the most amazing time with this experience. I've met amazing people, I've learned things about myself and my community that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I tried new things. I was completely exhausted, but thrilled and honored to have been part of it.
The next day, I was offered a small role in the production.
I don't expect to be doing shows on a regular basis, but once a year might be fun. I feel like it completes the circle of integrating my past into my present.
When I first started this journey as a single mom, it felt like there weren't any choices left that I could make for myself. While I accepted the responsibilities and sacrifices that come with being a mom, it took a long time to feel like there was room for me, too. I enjoyed going back to school, but it was still something I did for the girls. Starting this blog was the first thing I did just for me. Being a mom, of course, is still a big part of my blogging. The leadership class ended up showing me that there was still a lot I could do. Doing this show is not just about me, either. I think it also shows them that it's never too late. That you can still have things in your life you do just for fun.
My girls have asked me plenty of times what it was like for me to perform, and then not to perform. They are excited that they'll get to see me on stage. They get to see a glimpse of who I was before I was "Mommy."
During this crazy week, Sylvia has called and texted with bits and pieces of her trip. She's had the best time.
This week will be another kind of crazy. They are both graduating from their schools. I've gone to my last PTA meeting. I will no longer have a child in elementary school. And all of us are so excited about the future, we're full steam ahead to see what's next. For all of us.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Release and Catch
Sylvia has an amazing opportunity to perform out of state with her dance team. She'll be traveling with 5 other girls, and 3 adult chaperones for 5 nights. I'm slightly surprised by how many people ask if I'm going, if I wish I was going, if I'm nervous about her going. Answer to all of the above: no.
For starters, she'll have her cell phone and can text or call me anytime. (I laughed at myself the other day when I told her, "text me if you need anything." Not call, text. Yes, I think I'm comfortable being a 21st century mom!) I also have the cell phone numbers for the chaperones, the hotel info, and the flight info. I'll know where she is all the time, I'll know how to reach her anytime.
I know the chaperones very well, and know they adore Sylvia and all the girls. They're at least as responsible as I am...and they're willing to chaperone 6 girls ages 12-14. I? Am not. They're definitely better people than I am.
Parents are actually not invited, and I think that's a good thing. The girls earned this experience, and part of the experience is being there sans mom or dad. They will be supervised by adults 24/7, but there is a sense of freedom just because parents aren't there.
It's not that I think that this experience will in any way prepare her for adulthood without me. She won't have to worry about expenses, home maintenance or anything! But it will be an enduring memory.
I will miss her, of course. Like when Riley went to her Science Camp, our home won't be complete without our Sylvia. Still, Riley and I will get to spend some time together and Sylvia will be home again.
Sylvia received a journal from her counselor so she can record the experience. I do hope she'll share that with me!
For starters, she'll have her cell phone and can text or call me anytime. (I laughed at myself the other day when I told her, "text me if you need anything." Not call, text. Yes, I think I'm comfortable being a 21st century mom!) I also have the cell phone numbers for the chaperones, the hotel info, and the flight info. I'll know where she is all the time, I'll know how to reach her anytime.
I know the chaperones very well, and know they adore Sylvia and all the girls. They're at least as responsible as I am...and they're willing to chaperone 6 girls ages 12-14. I? Am not. They're definitely better people than I am.
Parents are actually not invited, and I think that's a good thing. The girls earned this experience, and part of the experience is being there sans mom or dad. They will be supervised by adults 24/7, but there is a sense of freedom just because parents aren't there.
It's not that I think that this experience will in any way prepare her for adulthood without me. She won't have to worry about expenses, home maintenance or anything! But it will be an enduring memory.
I will miss her, of course. Like when Riley went to her Science Camp, our home won't be complete without our Sylvia. Still, Riley and I will get to spend some time together and Sylvia will be home again.
Sylvia received a journal from her counselor so she can record the experience. I do hope she'll share that with me!
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