Where's the finish line?

In honor of the mid-term election, Yahoo! Mother Board is asking us to join the conversation at their new feature, Ask America. I was disappointed that their Education topic only offers us two choices: higher standards or more money (which is not Yahoo's fault, but the candidates'). In order to truly reform education, we need to re-frame the question.

For the past few decades, the two-party system has failed to offer radical enough solutions. While I'm an Obama supporter, I don't think his stance on education offers enough change, and I'm not sure what the Top is racing towards.

I've recently seen two documentaries on education, Race to Nowhere and Waiting for "Superman". If you have to choose between the two, see Race to Nowhere, but see both if you can, or see what you can. We need to start talking about this more.

It took until 8th grade for Sylvia to have a reason to want to do well in school. She wants to go to an arts high, and knows that in order to be admitted, she has to maintain a certain GPA. So she's working harder than she has in the past to keep her grades up so that she can go to a school that lets her do what she really wants to do: dance every day. She knows that in order to stay in that school, she will have to keep up a GPA.

That school happens to be my alma mater, and I know how the academic teachers frame their lessons. They know their students are interested in the arts, so they pay particular attention on how their subjects correlate to the arts. A history lesson is also a lesson in the history of art at that time. A math lesson can be better understood with the elements of music theory. English literature is interpreted and analyzed much like a script.

We spend so much effort prioritizing education in the yearly milestones of standardized tests instead of the overall goal of education, and our children just aren't getting it. Over a million drop out of high school every year. That's unacceptable, and affects us all. It leads to higher crime rates, higher prison costs, and fewer people able to support themselves, let alone their families. We also have just learned that an alarming number of college students drop out after their freshman year, costing taxpayers billions of dollars.

We forget that brains don't fully mature until the age of 25, and expect them to understand an adult's reasoning for school: "who said school was supposed to be fun? They just have to do it." Particularly when so many of their classes and teachers and administrators are solely focused on passing the standardized tests, students are not seeing the long-term benefits. A young mind needs help connecting the dots.

Instead of telling our children to stop playing video games, why don't we show them how video games are made? Instead of telling them to get off their social networks, why don't we show them what it takes to create such a site? Everything they love involves creativity, math, reading, writing, and even a sense of history and the future in order to be relevant and popular. We need to capitalize on what motivates our students.

Some of our "low-performing" teachers are probably suffering from the same lack of motivation as our students. I don't think anyone goes into the profession thinking it will be easy, but because they want to make a difference. I've also found direct correlations between my daughters' grades in certain subjects where their teachers are either confused themselves or lack enthusiasm. Their textbooks are District-mandated, their standards are state-mandated, and their Principals may be mandating how they run their classroom. We need to offer teachers the support they may need to keep the class on track, but still let it be their class.

We need to broaden our "standards" to include what really matters: allowing each student reach their fullest potential. We need to make it okay to not go to college and help some students into trade schools to earn a decent living and provide valuable services. And for anyone that does want to go to college, we need to make that achievable without entering the workforce tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

Education affects everything else. Without a strong workforce, our economy will suffer. Without work, crime and the need for government assistance increases. A weakened, deficit-burdened government decreases our security and international standing. An uneducated, impoverished society does not make for a healthy, strong society.

We need to stop racing, and instead, guide our students to their own individual paths to success.

All About Sisters

This is my favorite picture of the girls. I can't see their faces, it's a few years old, I wasn't actually there when it was taken, but it's the holding hands that gets me. I know that they held hands to feel connected. I know they were enjoying one of their sisterly moments, and this one just happened to be caught on camera.

As I read The Kids Are All Right, written by the Welch siblings, their assessment that being orphaned wasn't the worst thing that happened to them, but being separated from each other was made sense to me. Not that being orphaned wasn't horrible, but that the only ones who could understand the pain and get each other through it was each other. Without one another to ground them, they were lost.

Having two children is, no doubt, more than twice as hard as having one. The financial cost, the attempt to make family decisions where of course they both want to choose something different, trying to spend quality time with both, parenting them differently because they are different people, but still attempting to keep things fair and equal, getting through a crisis with one and before I've sat down having a crisis with the other and the sibling rivalry can be exhausting.

But I wouldn't have it any other way. And neither would they.

They may whine about sharing a bedroom, but when one of them is spending the night elsewhere, the other has a hard time going to sleep without her sister there. They share private jokes, they make up plays to put on for me, they comfort each other, and they are the best of friends.

I understand their relationship because I have the same with my sister. 

My sister is my best friend. My favorite childhood memory is the Christmas morning when she woke me up early so we could sneak up to see what Santa had brought long before it was time to wake up. We whispered excitedly about her new bike and my new Barbie house that were left unwrapped. We took our stockings back to her room to empty the contents and whispered and giggled together before we put them back. I felt loved, special, happy and warm all over just being with her and sharing something with just her.

Now, we share laughter when no one else gets it, and we'll inevitably say the same things at the exact same time with the exact same inflection when we're together. We call each other sobbing, we call each other excited to share our latest best news, and we love each other too much to let any of our faults get in the way. With each other, we are totally and completely free to be ourselves.

The scariest thing about being a single mom was what would happen to my girls if something happened to me. I was anxious to finalize my divorce so that I could put my will in place and ensure that they would indeed be all right - and together -  if I wasn't here to care for them. And someday, I won't be. There's a certain comfort in knowing that when that day comes, they will be holding each other and together, they'll get through it.

Read more posts on The Kids Are All Right: A Memoir at the book club site, From Left to Write.

While I was given the book to read for free, I have not been compensated for this post. The link to the book is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will generate a (very) small referral fee for me.

F.A.B. Fridays

Fab Fridays is an invention by a new bloggy friend with a fellow yearn for balance over at Wanna Be Balanced. She's doing a 52-week Plan, but I'm jumping in late, and rearranging the plan according to my needs.

In my quest to put it all together, it's time to face those things where I've needed improvement for a very long time.

Now I know why I've been avoiding them: for so long it was just about getting through the day, and sometimes just getting through the day seemed impossible! For the most part, though, the girls and I have a routine, we're getting along, and leading a fairly drama-free life (which is also why I'm finding it harder to post lately!).

Well, now it's time to improve upon those routines. Now it's time to tackle the stuff that I've been avoiding. Most of it, you'll see, involves the domestic side of me which, admittedly, is not very evolved!

I need to get better at de-cluttering. Granted, it was a little easier to do when we were moving every year, but now that we've been living in the same place for over two years, that stuff is starting to pile up! So I'm going to get serious about those FlyLady routines again, starting with de-cluttering 15 minutes a day.

I also need to be a better enforcer when it comes to giving the girls chores. Sylvia was getting really good about doing laundry, but then when she was doing the play, I started doing it all of the time again. I need to get better about sharing the laundry love :)I need to give Riley more chores around the house, too. Especially now that she only has homework on Mondays and Wednesdays, she has more time on the weeknights to do things.

I need to set goals for my future. I've never been good at answering questions like, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" It was easy to say I just have to get through today when we were still getting on our feet, or I had built-in goals like finishing college. Now that those are done, it's time to think of my life in the long term.

But I'll start one week, one Friday, at a time!

The Ford Amphitheatre provides Arts for All

I was invited to visit the Ford Amphitheatre, and we chose a Hip Hop Dance Festival, presented by JUICE to attend.

The Ford has all the fun of some of our bigger outdoor venues like picnic areas and great setting, but offers a more intimate experience. Ford celebrates some of the smaller arts organizations in SoCal, and during the summer, has a special Saturday series for families with free tickets for children. (Parking is also a lot cheaper at the Ford.)

I was glad we got this opportunity to be introduced to JUICE, a collective of hip-hop artists, and thrilled to learn about their open jam sessions on Saturdays and Thursdays where anyone can learn more about hip-hop and hone their skills. This is perfect for Sylvia!

I'd only been to the Ford once before, but I was glad I wore flats for the Hip Hop Dance Festival! The house section of the theatre does not have stairs, and the hill can be kind of steep.

While the Ford's summer activities are winding down, October 30 is the opening of their [Inside] the Ford New Play Series in conjunction with three L.A. theatre companies.

Overall, I was impressed with Ford's commitment to showcasing a variety of art and their partnerships with so many artists organizations that I wouldn't know about otherwise. The girls loved the show and on our way out, we were treated to a fireworks show, courtesy of the Bowl across the freeway. And it took us a fraction of the time to escape the parking lot!

Join the Ford's email list to learn about all of their upcoming events.

Disclosure: We were given the tickets for free to attend this event, but I still spent money on parking,  hot chocolate, etc. I was not compensated to write this post, and all of the opinions expressed are my own. Because I'm way too opinionated to speak for anyone else.

What I hope Tony Danza teaches us

I watched the premiere of A&E's Teach: Tony Danza with a great deal of interest this weekend. Not because I'm a die-hard Danza fan, but because I'm interested to see a teacher's first year.

Of course, I realize that this look won't be complete; that most first-year teachers don't have cameras following them around, Danza might get more help and support than other first-year teachers, and he's of course older than most first-year teachers. But I'm still interested to see what, if anything, we can glean from this.

I found his first interaction with one of the Assistant Principals hilarious! She chastised him for not clocking in at 7:30, and said it didn't matter what time he got to his classroom, all in a very patronizing manner. And he looked like a kid getting called to the Principal's office, apologizing and hanging his head in appropriate shame.

He was also completely nervous in front of his class, and his high school students teased him like they would any other teacher. Most of these kids had no idea who Tony Danza was before he came into their classroom.

I was amused when Danza talked too much about himself (an actor with an ego? Well I never!), read his students' papers aloud instead of letting them do it, but he did recognize these things later, and I'm curious to see how much he is able to overcome that. How long does it take to change that sort of behavior?

I remember teachers like that. Some get so enthralled with the sound of their own voice that they don't recognize the glaze in their students' eyes. They think we're glistening with wonder and awe at their brilliance. Sylvia has one teacher that she really likes, but from one Back to School Night, I know that he talks too much and strays too far from the subject.

I remember once, in 5th grade, I asked a four-word question, and the teacher spent 40 minutes on his answer. Fellow classmates thanked me for asking him that question because it meant he didn't have time to give us homework since he didn't cover anything he was supposed to in class! I suspect there will be more instances where we can relate to this show.

And this, together with movies like Race to Nowhere and Waiting for "Superman", might be what it takes to get this country talking about education.

Iron Chef Cat Cora, the Muppets, and Riley

I was thrilled to attend an event with my favorite Iron Chef Cat Cora, cooking with the Muppets (no surprise here; the Muppet Show was my favorite growing up!) to promote DisneyFamily's Muppets Kitchen.

Cora and her cohorts were so funny, entertaining, and full of great ideas for dealing with dinner, school lunches, and ensuring that our kids eat healthy. We tweeted during the event, using the hashtag #MuppetsKitchen. Cora answered questions on how to get kids to try new foods (just try one bite, and then try again the next day and the next) and sneaking vegetables into their meals. I loved the way she approached that one in particular: go ahead and puree the hidden vegetables, but then make it a guessing game while you're eating. This way, they get the lessons on how to make sure they get what they need, and may find that those "sneaky" vegetables aren't so scary after all.

We were lucky enough to get to try some of the recipes available at the Muppets Kitchen, including trail mix popcorn (yum) and mini Greek burgers (very yum).

We also got Cat Cora's latest book, Cat Cora's Classics with a Twist signed by my favorite Iron Chef, a mixing bowl that is almost too large for my kitchen, an apron, a bracelet with my favorite Muppets character, Animal, and...The Muppet Show The Complete Second Season! I'm so glad that my girls are loving it (almost) as much I do!

Riley and I enjoyed time together in the kitchen this past summer, and this event reminded me how important it is to make time in the school year, too. Eating is a lifelong activity and I would love for her to have more skills in the kitchen than I did when I was first on my own. And let's face it, it's a lot easier to face recipes if there are Muppets involved.

*Disclosure: the post states what I was given for free. I was not compensated to write this post, and the opinions expressed are completely my own. Call it pathetic, but true: I do love the Muppets that much. Oh, and the link to Cat Cora's cookbook is affiliated with my Amazon account. If you buy the book through that link, it will generate a small fee for me. Not nearly enough to put Riley through college or anything.

My First Experience with Growing Pains

Well, first is not exactly true, but it's the first since Riley started kindergarten. And it's the first time I'm beginning to understand Empty Nest syndrome.

Often, in the difficult times, the thought of the girls being out on their own was the goal that kept me going! Not that I don't love being their mother, but to me, the true pay-off of the role is knowing that they're out there, doing what I raised them to do. I love that image in my head of years from now, enjoying each other's company as adults, all of us. So to me, that Empty Nest thing just didn't make a lot of sense. Until this week.

Friday night, to be exact. We'd planned a family movie night. At the end of another busy week, it was going to be our chance to just chill together. I was really looking forward to that. But when I was picking the girls up from the Club, Sylvia asked if she could stay for Teen Night. I had no real reason to say no, so I let her stay.

Our family movie night isn't that important, but I still felt that sense of loss from her choosing to do something else. I don't blame her for it, and I know it wasn't personal, but it was that realization of her world expanding. She's started talking on the phone more, texting her friends more than me, and when I picked her up, she wasn't full of details of her night.

I know she was safe, I know it's perfectly normal for her to start having some privacy in her life. She isn't intentionally keeping things from me and she's entitled to not share everything with me. But there is that sense of a small hole in my heart. That there is going to be more and more in her life that doesn't include me.

When Riley and I got home without Sylvia that night, Riley chose to enjoy spending time in her room without her sister. She's getting older, too. She needs her own space that doesn't include me or her sister. Again, I don't begrudge her that. But I was prepared to enjoy a night with my family, and instead, I was left wondering what to do with myself.

Not to sound too maudlin, I didn't lose it or anything. I managed just fine, and we did enjoy some family time over the weekend. I know this is not the end of the world, merely an adjustment.  It is just another step on the way to that ultimate goal of them having full lives as independent adults. And more proof that as soon as I think I've got this motherhood thing figured out, it ups and changes on me as the girls continue to grow.