Parent Teacher Conference 1

Today was the first parent teacher conference of the year with Riley's 2nd grade teacher. *deep sigh* On some points, we completely agree. Actually, on most points, we completely agree. The trouble is, what happens now?
Riley is a good student. She's not the best, she's not the worst, but she's good. She gives me plenty of reasons to be proud of her. Of course, there's always room for improvement.
Problem 1) Disorganization. I've lost count of the times she's forgotten to bring homework all the way home. She's left papers in the car that need to go to school with her. She once even left her whole backpack! I do my best to nag appropriately: Put it in your backpack. Do you have everything? Where's your jacket? Where's your lunch box? However, I'm not there with her at the end of the day. I'm not there when she gets picked up by her after-school program. I'm only there in the morning, and in the evening. And even then, well, any mother knows how it goes! Sometimes, you just miss it.
The teacher (I'll call her Ms. R) said that there will start being more consequences for not having homework completed. She'll start getting red tickets, which can affect their grades. Hopefully, this will be more of an incentive to Riley to take on the responsibility.
Problem 2) Writing. This one's two-fold. One is, she rushes through her work, not doing it as neatly as possible (or, conversely, erases and tries again so many times the paper looks like one of those old carbon copies where you can see every imprint). Ms. R said Riley doesn't seem to enjoy writing, which I find surprising because at home, she writes all the time!
The second fold is the more troublesome. Ms. R was showing me an example of a test where Riley hadn't followed the directions. As far as I could tell, she had. Ms. R finally acquiesced that the directions were confusing (she'd thought they meant the same thing that Riley and I thought), and that she was incredibly unhappy with the program. She gave me the name of the program (Lucy Calkins Writing Program - anyone familiar with this?) so tonight I've begun a rudimentary search for resource materials on this.
I stopped my so-far fruitless search to blog instead! Because here's the thing: where are the parent resources?!? I've heard over and over (and, yes, over) again from LAUSD that parents need to be involved. Yet, when I asked Ms. R if there were any resources on the Internet that Riley and I could use to help her understand this program, I got a blank look. Followed by "oh, that's a good idea!" Okay, I know the internet is still fairly new. I know that she's been teaching longer than the internet has been around. Yet, shouldn't this revolutionary program at least be in touch with the times? Shouldn't there be some way that I can help my daughter with this without getting a teaching credential?
Problem 3: Math. Specifically, number sense, statistics, data analysis, and probability. And yes, you read it right. My daughter is in the 2nd grade. She actually does really well on her in-class tests (she's gotten 100% on 3 out of 4) - it's just the standardized tests that bring her down to an 84% average.
Someone from KIPP described exactly why I hate tests: they're designed to trick students. You've got a 1 in 4 chance of getting it wrong, and the other 3 answers are exactly the kind of mistakes that students are prone to make. Well, isn't that nice? Isn't that encouragement for students to love learning?
But I know that she's got to know that oh-so-lovely standardized 'language.' She's got to learn how to decipher all the tricks they use to still get that right answer. Now, on this, there is some help available. So one of my homework assignments is going onto our State Education website and pulling some of that stuff to go over with her.
Ms. R did agree with me philosophically. And I had a realization that everything that Riley's doing less well in are the things that Ms. R herself doesn't like. I can accept that. However, now I have to pick up the slack and do these things that I don't like, either! "Parent involvement" seems to mean to home school - even when you're sending your kids to school. Fine. Last year, I fought it tooth and nail. This year, I'm saying, fine. I'll do it.
Riley and I sat down tonight and went through her report card together. We talked about these areas where she needs improvement (oh, getting distracted was another problem area - hmmm, wonder where she gets that from?!?), and while I set a goal that we should see all 3's on the next report card, Riley wants to get all 4's. I told her we'll make that the goal for the final report card.
When we went through the comments, Riley started to get very...inward. She does this "turtle-like" impression where she just wants to shut down completely. That was the moment when I was most frustrated with Ms. R. All in all, Riley's a good student. At least one of the comments should have been positive. She got mostly 3's and some 2's. The girl deserves a little praise - I mean, her fluency scores are well past benchmark! So I had to pick up the slack there as well, tell her how proud I am of her, what a good job she's doing. Mind you, not that I wouldn't have said that anyway. But it doesn't seem too much to ask that a little descriptive praise could've come from her teacher, too!
I guess I need to count my blessings, too. After all, I'm only going through this with one of my children now instead of both of them. Sylvia and her teachers and I are in communication as much as we need to be. I can email, call, check the parent website whenever I want. Sylvia can go to tutoring as much as she wants. I'm already seeing big improvements with her.
Just two and a half more years, and Riley gets to go to KIPP, too. This too shall pass.

The Power of Positive Thinking

I am not getting sick, I am not getting sick. I don't have a headache. My throat does not hurt. I am not getting sick, I will not get sick.

On Sharing

Oh, the drama of 2nd grade friendships!
I remember the constant on-again, off-again friendship Sylvia went through with her best friend. Now it's happening with Riley and her friend, whom I'll call L.
Riley is by nature incredibly giving and empathetic. As much as she fights with her sister, she's usually the first to give in without my intervention.
L made friends with Riley during the first week of school. This is Riley's first year at this school (poor thing, she's gone to a new school every year so far). It seems that L takes full advantage of Riley's giving nature, and Riley sacrifices partly because she's afraid she'll lose L's friendship otherwise.
I learned that L (and others, but mainly L) were eating a lot of Riley's lunch. Riley wanted me to start giving her more and more with each passing day, but hey, I'm not in a position to feed more than my own 2 daughters every day! I told her that her lunch is hers, and that she could tell L and the others that her mommy told her not to share.
It feels weird to say that, but at the same time, it felt necessary.
Danimals were on sale a few weeks ago, so I'd gotten some for the girls. The other day, Riley came home very upset. L and some others had taken her Danimals, and Riley finally went to a teacher to get it back. L then went on to tell the entire class not to be Riley's friend anymore.
Sylvia and I were ready to kick some ass lend some help when we heard that! First, we offered words of support, like “she doesn’t sound like much of a friend,” but Riley didn’t agree with us on that one. We both offered to write notes to L – I would write about how I don’t want Riley to share her lunch, and Sylvia would write about what a good person Riley is.
We added it to that night’s homework. Riley, being Riley, didn’t take them to school the next day. But L had offered her one more chance. That burned me even more! How dare L string my Riley along like that!
They’ve been back and forth like this for a while. And I have tried to be fair about it, taking each situation individually, and telling Riley when she’s done something that could be hurtful to L, trying to teach her how to be a good friend.
But, more and more lately, it seems that L and I have completely different definitions of how friends should treat friends!
Now, I have to figure out how to balance encouraging Riley’s innate kindness, but also, teach her how to toughen up a little more. I did praise her for going to the teacher, as that was the only way she felt she could defend herself, but I also wasn’t pleased with the teacher’s response, which seemed to be an off-handed, “oh, you’ll work it out.” I’m sure they don’t have tons of time to engage in active listening and all that, but it doesn’t seem to me that it would’ve taken too much time for the teacher to tell the kids not to take Riley’s food away from her again.
This navigation of human relationships starts very early, doesn’t it? Learning how to give and take, learning how much one gives or takes…
It’s much easier when they’re toddlers, and you’re trying to teach them how to share properly. Then, you get into the whole equality issue, particularly with siblings! And it seems most of our focus is on teaching how to give.
But at some point, with some people, the teaching of taking can become necessary. Well, not taking so much, but at least learning how to keep what you have. That’s a difficult concept to explain to a 7-year-old.

Rambling My Way to a Point: Discipline

I already blew NaBloPoMo, but I'm still going to try to write every day. Why is it whenever you set a goal like this, all of a sudden, your mind goes completely blank? So I'm digging deep into the archives of my history to find something of interest that happened to me. Hmmm....okay, now I'm going to try and think of something interesting that didn't completely suck. Wait for it.
Being in this home really should bring back something. For those of you who don't know, I recently moved back into the condo where I grew up. Since I gave the master bedroom to the girls, I'm actually sleeping in the same bedroom that I slept in when I was in jr. high, high school, and some beyond that as well. So there should be tons of history for me here. And there is! And, actually, most of it isn't so bad, either.
I had a pretty good childhood, when I think about it. I had parents who loved me, supported my ambitions, and I can't think of any time where they said no to something really important to me.
Oooh! Got it! Found a topic! (yay me!)
"Bad Punishments."
Sylvia told me the other day that her friends think I should give her "bad punishments." I'm not real sure what that means andI don't think she knew, either. Sure, she gets on my nerves at times, and she tests me, of course. I yell, send her to her room, and then we both cool down and try to assess what just happened. I know, I shouldn't yell, but I do. That's probably my biggest downfall as a parent.
I let them yell, too. I'd much rather they yell, get the feelings out, hopefully not say anything too hurtful than hit/destroy/let feelings fester/some bad thing that hasn't even crossed my mind yet.
So that's how it works at my house. Yell, separate, come back together, talk, cry, hug and kiss.
I remember on "The Brady Bunch" (I totally loved that show when I was a kid) how the Bradys said that no one should ever go to bed angry. For some reason, that stuck with me. I've experienced the feeling (not with my kids, but I won't go into details) of going to bed with an argument still looming. You wake up, disoriented, not knowing how things stand...ugh, it's awful. Whatever I can do to prevent from ever feeling that way again, I'll do.
So I make my kids talk to me. I make us come to some sort of conclusion. Sometimes, when I think the "crime" has been bad enough, I'll tack on a consequence, too. Things like, not being able to pick a movie, or have soda with dinner. But, frankly, after that, I'm kind of lost as to what kind of privilege to take away. It's not like they go out without me, or have a phone in their room (or even cable). What else is there to do, make them write standards? I want them to enjoy writing, not loathe it! And I make us talk long enough so that I know they get it. I make them say to me what it is that upset me, and why. If I feel it necessary, I'll apologize for my part in it. And then, usually, I feel like it's best to have the matter be closed.
That's pretty much what my parents did, too, come to think of it. There were a few exceptions to that, but they were definitely times when I deserved worse.
I told Sylvia that she really hasn't done anything bad enough to warrant a "bad punishment." I hope that remains the case for a long time!

8 Things

The goddess Lunanik (she knows why I call her that) has tagged me to do this, for which I am grateful because I was clueless on what to write tonight!

8 Things I Am Passionate About:

1.) My children's education. It's why I'm so passionate about KIPP (oh, wait - should've saved that, huh? Oh, well, not too hard for me to find things for which I'm passionate). KIPP fosters an environment that encourages critical thinking, a passion for learning, teamwork, positive peer pressure, and is the first school that truly treated me like a partner.

2.) The United States Constitution. I wasn't raised with religion; I was raised with the morals and values instilled within this document, as well as the Bill of Rights. While I recognize that some of it is broad enough for different interpretations, I truly admire the thought and detail that our forefathers put into creating this country.

3.) Open-mindedness. I do believe that if we truly try to understand another person's point of view, solutions can be found.

4.) Idealism. If we can't dream the impossible, then how would we ever innovate, progress?

5.) Realism. At some point, one either has to take action to create the impossible, or accept and adjust.

6.) Entertainment. I just realized something - I get annoyed with Sylvia for constantly wanting to be entertained in some way, but really I'm just as bad. Movies, TV, music, the internet, Broadway musicals, books, magazines...entertain me already!!

7.) The power of people - and I don't just mean this politically. I mean this in the awe I sometimes feel driving on freeways that people thought up this thing, and built it, and here we are, millions of us, driving over these bridges, these houses, every day! That's really, pretty cool when you think about it. And, in the negative, people can really tick me off, too! (A lot of times, it's the cars in front of or behind me on those blasted freeways!)

8.) That it really is all about balance.

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1.) Go see a Broadway show in NY again. We're planning a trip for 3 years from now at Xmas - hope I don't die before that!

2.) See my children graduate from college.

3.) Go to Hawaii.

4.) Take another cruise - this time, as a passenger. I used to work as an entertainer on a cruise ship.

5.) Make some type of major contribution to society. I know, it sounds cliche, but my dream is to build and run a community for single parents (not a virtual community, a real one). Anyone out there want to help? Anyone? Anyone?

6.) Sing again in public before I die. I miss that.

7.) Own property.

8.) I would totally love to argue a case in court one day as a lawyer. Or at least, play one on TV.

8 Things I Say Often:

1.) OMG. Blame it on Legally Blonde the Musical. I do.

2.) Seriously...I'm with you on this one, Lunanik. Damn Grey's Anatomy!

3.) Actually... I didn't realize how much I said it until the girls started saying it all the time.

4.) Girls, I woke up late, we gotta hurry.

5.) I'm so tired. Apparently, I find life very exhausting!

6.) I need more coffee. S'bux gift cards are welcome at any time!!

7.) Girls, stop it! Usually preceded by high-pitched screams. Followed by them, too, actually.

8.) Are we there yet? Yes, I say that. Whenever we go to Disneyland at Autopia. I say it over and over and over. The girls crack up - they're an easy audience.

8 Books I Have Read Recently
I almost skipped this one because I'm embarrassed to confess that I have not read a non-ChickLit book in quite a while. I think I'm still recovering from all the serious reading I did at Antioch, followed by my 2 semesters of paralegal school. Plus, all the non-fiction of late is either depressing or enraging, and I'm not in the mood to be either...at least, no more than I already am! *deep breath* Here goes:

1.) To Be The Best by Barbara Taylor Bradford: So I finally decided to read A Woman of Substance a while back because it had been one of my mother's favorites so I'm blaming my whole Emma Harte series on her!

2.) Knitting Under the Influence by Claire LeZebnik: oh goody! I get to blame my mother again! She gave it to me to encourage both my love of knitting and reading. And it was a fun book.

3.) Hold the Dream by Barbara Taylor Bradford: Part 2 of the Emma Harte series.

4.) A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor Bradford: Yes, the one that started it all.

5.) Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner: I loved this book. I've liked all her books! The way she writes about motherhood...humorous, touching, inspiring.

6.) Marrying Mom by Olivia Goldsmith: Not as much as a man-hating book as some of her others, which I found disappointing. I got it 'cause I was in the mood for a man-hating book!

7.) Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie: I've read this book like 10 times now, and still love it. It's stupid, corny, but funny and still gets to me.

8.) Liberated Parents Liberated Children by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlich: While I can't say this book completely changed my life or anything, it did solidify and clarify things I was already trying to do as a mom, and I can't recommend it highly enough (or any/all of their books) to moms who are looking for ways to better communicate with their children.

8 Songs I Could Listen To Over And Over
I definitely have more than 8 of these, but here are the ones that come to mind first.

1.) So Much Better from Legally Blonde the Musical (this one is especially special to me right now because the girls and I have so much fun belting it out together)
2.) Defying Gravity from Wicked (again, fun song to sing, but also inspiring and energizing)
3.) For Now from Avenue Q (whenever I feel like I don't think I can take another day, this song helps me put it all in perspective again)
4.) The Finale from Ain't Misbehavin'
5.) Without Love from Hairspray
6.) anything from Sweeney Todd
7.) anything from Into the Woods
8.) Seasons of Love from Rent

8 Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends

1.) Being able to talk for hours and hours - not just one of us, but both of us.

2.) A wicked sense of humor. 'Cause I'm sick that way.

3.) Something important in common - being a parent, loving musicals, hating Bush...just something! Preferably more than 1, though. There's only so much mommy/musical/madness talk I can take!

4.) An ability to actively listen. To attempt to understand what I'm feeling - not necessarily agree with it, but at least to try and understand.

5.) Someone who will kick me in the ass when necessary! (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

6.) I love it when my friends can take one look at me or hear in the sound of my voice that something is wrong.

7.) Enough self-knowledge to know that they're not perfect, either.

8.) They get it when I just don't feel like talking.

Kori and Kate - I tag you now!

Type A personality? Moi?

I was browsing this article on ideas for gifts, and the knitting section caught my eye because I learned how to knit earlier this year. It was because Sylvia wanted to learn, so I went to this mini-clinic to learn for her, and ended up falling in love with it. The article stated that knitting is perfect for Type A personalities that have to have everything their way. Ouch!
Okay, yes, I admit it. I like things my way. But here's what I don't get: are there really people on Earth who don't like things their way when possible? I know some people can be fairly easy-going about things, but can you seriously tell me that they'd rather not have things go their way? That takes masochism to a whole new level.
I think - and if this smacks of rationalization then so be it - that people who don't have any idea of what they want are in a more difficult position than those who do know what they want. And, believe it or not, I can relate. I'm currently going through an early (well, at least I think it's early) mid-life crisis still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I can't say it's any less frustrating to not know what I want than to not get what I want.
Knitting is a perfect antidote to life for me. I still have some control - and there's no one I can blame but myself when things don't turn out right - but my mind only needs to be somewhat engaged. Never good at standing still completely, it gives me something to do with my hands. And completing a project successfully gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Once you're out of school, there are so few moments to feel that pride of accomplishment. With kids, just as you've accomplished one hurdle, another one's staring you in the face. At work, the euphoria of a completed project lasts about 5 minutes before you're onto the next one. The home never stays completely clean, and the laundry is never done. And I was a good student, too! I loved those A's, those Antioch assessments tailored just for me!
I really enjoy being a novice knitter, too. I don't expect perfection from myself on this, and every finished project is an accomplishment in and of itself.
I may be the lady protesting too much here, but I also think the person who wrote that article has some serious issues that don't need to be taken out on knitters or Type A personalities!

Gauging the Horseplay or Countdown to the Screams

We were at my sister's for the holiday. This morning, we were watching their 2 dogs who were playing. They were wrestling around a bit, so I told them to stop. Sylvia told me, "but they're just playing." I told her, "yes, but that's how you and your sister start. And before you know it, the physical play starts getting too physical and someone gets hurt."
The dogs managed to hold it together, but I stand by the remark for the girls.
It's that blasted balancing thing again - balancing the "just having fun" to the screams and the tears (and possible bruises).
I keep hoping that they're getting old enough to outgrow this stage. But I think I remember my nephews still doing that up to last year! Does the fact that they're girls give me any hope at all?
I'm sure that some of it is from just being together too much. They're only apart when they're at school (and then they act like they haven't seen each other in years), and they do have to share a bedroom, but at the same time, they refuse to spend time in separate rooms unless and until I demand it.
I can relate to a certain extent, but at the same time, my sister and I always had our own rooms. Then, she was 6 years older than me, so she stopped living with us when I was in junior high.
When I was in 7th grade, a teacher asked me if I were an only child. I said, "yes, but I have a sister." The answer made perfect sense to me!
I honestly don't remember us getting physical with each other, although I wouldn't be surprised if my sis or parents remembered it differently.
I try, of course, to use it as an opportunity to tell them that there are better ways of dealing with their anger, but I also understand that feeling of sheer rage, where reason is the furthest thing from my mind. So I know I can't get through to them at that point.
The only thing that I've found works is just trying to separate them as fast as possible. Or, if we're in a moving vehicle, blasting the music so loud (and belting as loud as I can on top of it) that the audio overload will momentarily make them forget why they're so mad at each other.
No matter how many times we go through this, though, they still look at me so innocently when I tell them to watch their horseplay...no sense of the foreboding that I see no matter how many times we live the experience. When will the recall set in?!?